GRADUATION COMMUNITY SERVICE
GIBBON HIGH SCHOOL, 2008
Well, first let me say that I am very honored
to be asked to speak to you today
This is kind of big day for you!
As I thought this week about what I could say to you
on this the occasion of your high school graduation
I thought of a lot of things
First of all, I wanted to say something that would keep your attention
I didn’t want you dozing off on me
I only get to do this once
so pay attention
I also didn’t want to say stuff that you might expect me to say
stuff like, “you are our future,”
or “don’t be afraid to dream,”
or “your future is wide open”
yada yada yada
I mean, not that that’s not good stuff
it is
it’s just a bit too cliché for me
Also, it occurred to me, though I might not want to dwell on this,
that next month is the 25th anniversary
of my own graduation from high school
So in other words, to you I must seem ancient
and so, what can an old lady more than twice your age
have to tell you of any significance?
If nothing else, I am here to tell you
you will survive
There is life after high school
I also started to wonder
why we make you wear those ridiculous looking hats
I mean, sure, we’ve all done it
but do you realize how silly you look?
So I looked up cap and gown on the internet
to see if I could find out
whose fault it is that we have to wear those
silly little square hats that never fit right
and had to be attached with bobbie pins
as if they weren’t embarrassing enough
at least, it looks like, they’ve finally figured out
that elastic is a good thing
how long did THAT take?
Anyway, I digress
I looked it up and of course, that hat you’re wearing
is usually called a mortarboard
So, I looked up mortarboard on Dictionary.com
(Let me just say that I didn’t have the luxury of the internet
when I was in high school….)
Anyway, Dictionary.com says that a mortarboard is
#1 a square board with a handle used for holding
and carrying masonry mortar
Ok
Or, of course, it is #2, The square academic cap,
sometimes called a mortarboard
because of its similarity in appearance to the
mortarboard used by masons.
Feels kind of silly, doesn’t it?
You’re walking around with a board on your head
that is fashioned after the board masons use
to fasten bricks together….
Which is just another illustration
that even the most solemn of occasions
the most serious and important occasions
are still an occasion to laugh at absurdity
I learned that in the 25 years
since I graduated high school
that it’s very, very important
to laugh at yourself
and even more important to do so
at the most solemn occasions in your life
Because otherwise you might take yourself too seriously
and that’s not good
Twenty five years ago, I was scared to death
I kept thinking everything would be better…. WHEN
When I graduated from high school
when I graduated from college
when I found the love of my life
when I got my first real job
everything would be better WHEN
But whenever those things came along
there was always more …
more that was needed
the time never came
when everything would be completely alright
I wore that silly mortarboard on my head
and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life
Not a clue
and people kept asking me what I was going to do
as if one can know such lofty things at 17 or 18
Maybe you have some idea, and that’s good
but it’s ok if you don’t
you’ve got a lot of time to figure that out
You’ve worked hard to get here
you’ve done a lot of extra things
either because you like them
or because it’ll look good on your resume
or both
you’ve learned to fill up as much of your time
as possible just like all the anxiety-ridden adults
in your world
Brad Paisley has a song called “A Letter to Me”
in which he’s writing a letter to his 17 year old self
trying to tell himself at that age
what all he’s learned
I wish I could do that
I would tell myself to lighten up
to not take myself so seriously
to not take life so seriously
To learn how to play and enjoy myself
without hurting myself or anyone else
but to be sure and have fun
To work hard, remembering that life is not all about work
That life is not meant to be a burden to carry
life is a gift from God
a gift to savor, to share, to enjoy
and to use well
A lot of people live their lives like it’s a burden
When I was 18, I did that
I didn’t know that life was a gift from God
that it was a gift of responsibility
and a gift of joy --equally
So I would say to you, stay balanced
Have enough joy in your life to be truly living
and yet take life seriously enough
to be responsible, to make wise decisions
and to remember that it’s not all about you
You, I hate to tell you, are not the center of the universe
the world does not revolve around you
But you are given a part to play
in this beautiful world that is always changing and growing
You have been given gifts to share with the world
that the world needs
You don’t have to be like someone else
you just have to be you
and to do that as honestly and beautifully as you can
Think of others when you make choices
think of how it affects other people or the rest of the world
or think about what your life says to those younger than you
who are watching you
But most importantly,
remember that you are enough
God has given you everything you need
to live this life
You are not today who you will be 5 years from now
you will grow, you will learn, you will change
but the core of who you are will stay the same
Our family really likes to take road trips
we enjoy the traveling as much as getting to the destination
Getting there is only part of the fun
and when it’s time to leave
we know we still have the fun
of the journey home
The journey you’ve been on to this point
is just the beginning
ok, that sounds cliché, I admit, but it’s true
The first 18 years has given you a foundation of who you are
you will play around with that
you’ll pinch the clay here, add a little color there
maybe dye your hair various colors
in the coming years
you’ll try something new
you’ll meet new people
some of whom you’ll want to hold onto forever
and others you’ll be eager to say goodbye to
You will try
and you will fail sometimes
and that’s ok
Your heart will break, and it will be healed again
Whatever you do after high school,
it will be new
people out there won’t know
what we know about you
they won’t know that you’re great at basketball or volleyball
or you’re a great writer or singer
or you had girls falling all over themselves
just to talk to you in the hallway
They won’t know if you were at the top of your class
or if you felt like the dork of the century
wherever you go from here
it will be new
a blank book for you to write the rest of your story
It’s not a new book
but it’s a sequel to the story that’s been written
these first 18 years
Some of it you wish you could burn, maybe
or tear up
somehow forget
but everything that’s been written before now
is a part of who you are, for better or worse
and that is what you will take with you
as you continue to write the story
Fredrick Buechner is an old guy
but he’s one of my favorite writers
and in one of my favorite books
he talks about the Wizard of Oz
Yea, no kidding…
You know the story, we all know the story
Dorothy is a girl living on the prairies of Kansas
wishing she were somewhere else
more exciting
somewhere over the rainbow
because it would have to be really far
from Kansas to be interesting at all
Then she’s scooped up in a cyclone
and carried off to a really weird place
with little people who have funny voices
She’s told that the only person who can help her get home
is the great wizard of Oz
but she’ll have to journey to see him
Along that journey
she meets some weird characters
A talking scarecrow who dreams of having a brain
a tin man who only wants a heart
and a cowardly lion who only wants
to not be so afraid anymore
Well, they have quite the adventures along the road
with one another
as they pursue their dreams and deepest desires
And when they meet the great Wizard of Oz,
they are horribly disappointed
because it turns out that he’s just a little old man
behind a curtain
a little old man from Omaha, Nebraska, mind you
But as they talk with the nervous, odd little man
they realize some things that they need to know
Looking back on their journey to Oz
they realize, that whenever they got into a crisis
it was the smarts of the brainless scarecrow
that got them out
or when things went horribly wrong,
the heartless tin man was no big help at first
because he’d get so choked up with feeling
and sorrow for others
that he’d cry and make himself rust
And they realized, too
that when they were really scared
and when they faced down horrible creatures
it was the cowardly lion who stepped forward
willing to stand up for them all
So the puny little so-called wizard,
who really was no wizard at all,
but just a little old man from Omaha—
this man tells them that they all had everything they needed
that each of them already had what they traveled so far to find
but the only way they could have learned that
was to make the journey
that was sometimes dark, sometimes fun,
sometimes very scary and dangerous
and yet brought them where they needed to be
Even Dorothy had what she needed to get back home
the slippers on her feet
she just had to make the journey
in order to realize that there’s no place like home
a place called Kansas
a place where the skies were sometimes dark
and sometimes there were vicious storms
that threatened their lives
but it was still home
They learned that things like a brain, a heart and courage
are never posessed as gifts
but are always gifts that are earned and gained
by living and loving and staying on the road
You are enough
You have everything inside of you that you need
to live
We’re all on the way, none of us have arrived yet
even though some of us are 25 years or so
ahead of you on the road
You may learn things I haven’t learned yet
you may see things and experience things
that I never have
because each of us are given our own journey to travel
and we’re given the companions we need
to help us get there
You are given a life as a gift from God
and right now, you are standing on the edge of a new thing
sure, you’ll make mistakes
sure, you’ll look like a fool sometimes
The world doesn’t revolve around you
but the world is waiting for you to contribute your gifts
to make a difference
I like Garth Brooks
and he wrote a song called The Change
and in it he sings about how he wants to make a difference
but when he tries, it doesn’t seem to do all that much
you save one person,
there are countless others who need saving
you feed one child
there are millions of others who are starving
and he says,
“I hear them saying, you’ll never change things
and no matter what you do
it’s still the same thing
but it’s not the world that I am changing
I do this so the world will know
it will not change me…”
There are things that you’re going to want to try
just to feel grown up
there are a lot of forces out there
that will try to tell you what to think, what to feel
and what to believe
Don’t forget where you’ve come from
the story of your life so far
because you will take it with you
you will alter it, tweek it,
change a paragraph here and there
and steer the plot in a whole new direction
but don’t forget who you are
and where you’ve come from
Find your own verse to contribute to the Great Song
the Song of Creation that God has begun in you
You already have everything you need
to be the person God created you to be
stay open to God’s beautiful creativity
keep a good sense of humor
don’t take yourself too seriously
work hard,
think of others
but remember to have fun
Remember that life is a gift
handle it with care
And know that wherever you go, whatever you do
God’s loving arms are always around you…
Thank you.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Friday, May 2, 2008
The Preacher
If anyone were ever to write a book about me, I'm sure there would have to be a chapter in it about Gene Lowry. Anyone who has ever come close to me usually figures out that Gene plays a huge role in my life and ministry. In fact, I wouldn't be doing this crazy thing called ministry if it weren't for Gene. Some days I don't know whether to thank him or punch him in the arm -- hard. But Gene did more than get me into the pulpit, he got me out of my own proverbial fenced-in backyard. He broadened my horizons-- literally. He gave me hope.
It all started with a sermon. 1989. Ocean City, New Jersey. St. Peter's United Methodist Church. June. Hot and humid. I was 24 years old in body-- much older in spirit. My life was unexciting, and I had little prospects for any future possibilities of excitement. I lived on my own in a fairly nice apartment in Collingswood, NJ (hometown of Michael Landon) and worked in a real estate firm in Haddonfield, NJ (a.k.a. Uppityville) as a secretary. I knew this was not my life's calling, but I was beginning to think I didn't have a life's calling. I'd just broken up with a really good-looking guy from Pennsylvania who had a black belt in karate and drove a really nice white BMW. I'd thought he was was the one. Alas, he was not.
June, 1989, I was so bored I went to Ocean City after work to meet my parents at the Southern New Jersey Annual Conference Meeting. This is not something any normal person would do for fun, but well, that reflects the nature of my life then. We had a nice dinner, I got to see some old friends who were also attending the Conference, and then we went together over to St. Peter's UMC for the evening worship. At that point I'd only listened to one preacher, mostly, all my life, and that was my father. My father was good, mind you, but he was, after all, my father. It's hard to be inspired by your own father, especially after hearing him for 24 years, from womb to present. I'd heard some other preachers, and was not easily impressed. One might say suffered from Too Much Preaching. So I'd gotten into the habit of tuning out most preachers when I went to such meetings, daydreaming about something or other to get through till the next hymn. (I loved singing at Annual Conference-- there's nothing like 1,000 United Methodist pastors and lay people singing together!! John Wesley would have been proud)
But that night was different. I settled into the hard, wooden pew, that was kind of sticky with humidity-- St. Paul' was a large church, but old, and therefore had not invested in air conditioning. All the windows that did open were in fact opened, and occasionally we had a stray seagull fly through the sanctuary to get to the other side. Gene Lowry, the preacher of the evening entered the pulpit, and donned his bifocals. Oh great, I must have thought, this guy's going to be really exciting!
Gene looks a lot like Abraham Lincoln, and I would guess that's a compliment to Abraham Lincoln. He's tall, thin, gaunt in the face, with what one might call an "angular" face. He read the Scripture, Matthew 25:14-30; the Parable of the Talents. As he read the Scripture, he looked up often, raising his eyebrows, adding expressions and drama to the reading, so much so that it dídn't even sound like he was reading. I sat up, therefore unpeeling my shirt from the back of the varnished pew, and started listening. Gene dramatically removed his bifocals and laid them to the side of the pulpit... and began to preach.
Whoa!! How'd he do that? He drew me in from the beginning, so that I couldn't NOT listen. He made me laugh, chuckle, and listen to every word. He had no notes but just talked, told the story, in such a way that we were THERE. He described the scene, the people-- you could imagine the expressions, the feelings of those involved. At one point, my chest started to hurt, and I realized I was holding my breath. I let out a deep breath, and braced myself with my hands by my sides on the pew as I leaned forward.
As he talked about the third servant in the story who buried the talent that the Master had entrusted to him, I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. He talked about the man being afraid of the enormous gift that was entrusted to him, so much so that he panicked and hid it in a deep, dark hole in the backyard. Then the poor slob paced around that hole, lest someone KNOW where he'd buried it and come dig it up. He didn't eat, he didn't sleep, he just paced, while the first two servants took what they were given and doubled the Master's money through some clever dealings. When the Master finally got home, the other servants were commended for their cleverness, and the poor, sleep-deprived, nervy third servant, wringing his bony hands and whimpering, was reprimanded for being a coward.
Hey! I liked that guy! He...well, I could relate to him! Wait a minute, how did this Lowry dude KNOW? How did he describe... me? I felt the weight of my lostness in that moment, my hopelessness and lack of direction. Someone understood what it was to be me. But who WAS he? Then the admonition: "Get out of the backyard! Enter into the joy of your Master!!" And Gene's eyes looked over the expanse of the sanctuary filled with 1,000 people. Then he picked up his glasses... and walked away from the pulpit.
Hey! Where's he going? I sat back, again, sticking to the varnished pew, feeling utterly exhausted. How did he do that? I was shaking, I thought I might have to throw up. My mother looked over at me and smiled. "Good, huh?" she said.
I whispered back, "how did he know I was here?" She looked at me questioningly, and opened the hymnal to the next hymn.
My life changed after that night. Two months later I was enrolled in seminary at Drew University Theological School, still wondering what hit me. A lot of things had, in fact, hit me during those two months, landing me in the unikely landing of seminary. But my life opened up. The horizons opened up. I made straight A's for the first time in my whole education, I won awards and scholarships-- who WAS this person inhabiting my body?
A year later, it turns out my horizons opened up further. I'd fallen in love with a bearded second-career student named Larry who was the local cheerleader and unpaid 'human commercial for the obscure (to us) state of Nebraska. (Where WAS Nebraska anyway???) He couldn't say enough good about Nebraska. Weird guy. But he grew on me. By the time he left for Nebraska, I couldn't get him out of my heart. Over the summer, he racked up a $150 a month phone bill calling me (apparently he liked me too), and managed to drive the 26-hour drive (straight through) back East a few times to see me. This was ridiculous. He started looking into ways that he could serve a church in New Jersey while I finished seminary. New Jersey was full (it always is). There was "no way" I was going out to the God-forsaken Midwest (by then I'd found Nebraska on a map). Then in August, 1990, Gene Lowry came to Ocean Grove (different town than before) to preach at a campmeeting. I took a friend with me to hear him. I didn't want to meet him, he scared me to death. Anyone that could change my life completely with 20 minutes of words had to be pretty scary.
Gene, as always, was terrific. Inspiring. I decided to go back and hear him another night. This time, I took a 10-page typewritten, single-spaced letter I'd written, describing for him what happened to me that first time I heard him preach, and how my year had unfolded. I was nervous. Shy. Scared to death. The sermon was on the Gerasene demoniac (Luke 5), and the last thing Gene said was, "Go and tell what the Lord has done." Aw, crap. Ok. I will.
I nervously approached Gene with my thick envelope containing the letter, and awkwardly introduced myself, stuttering, stumbling over words, wiping my sweaty hands periodically on my pants. He was gracious, friendly even (I didn't know this was a Midwestern thing). He took the envelope and put it in his inside coat pocket and promised to read it later. He acted like he was really glad to meet me-- which, thinking back, why wouldn't he? How often does someone walk up to you and say, in essence, 'you've changed my life?'
Well, the rest is a very interesting, but even longer, story. There was more correspondance, more face to face conversations, and a few months later, I gave up my full-tuition scholarship to transfer to St. Paul School of Theology in another remote place out there somewhere called Kansas City, Missouri. That's where Gene Lowry taught preaching. Which happened to be about 6 hours from this bearded man I couldn't get out of my heart. How covenient. (I know, 6 hours? By New Jersey standards, that's absurd. In the Midwest, it's just a long car ride. Besides, it beat being 26 hours away!)
I transferred to St. Paul in January of 1991, got engaged to Larry, and we came back to New Jersey in August of 1991 to get married. During the first two years of my marriage, I commuted four hours (the Conference was nice enough to move us two hours closer) to Kansas City every week to school in my F150 pick up truck.
During seminary, but even more so after graduation, our friendship with Gene and Sarah Lowry grew. In 1994, I gave birth to Sarah Gene, with Gene's jazz piano music playing on the cassette player by the bed. The name of the cassette tape was called "The Sound of Good News." Sarah Gene was literally born to the sound of Gene playing the piano. Two months later, Gene and Sarah travelled up to Tilden, NE where we lived and pastored, to baptize Sarah Gene. Gene preached-- of course-- and played the piano for us all in celebration of Sarah Gene's baptism. Gene Lowry preached at my seminary graduation in 1993 and at my ordination as Elder in the Nebraska Annual Conference in 1996. In 1998 I got to be one of the speakers at his retirement from teaching at St. Paul School of Theology.
We travel to places where he's preaching whenever he comes near (even during our years in Pennsylvania), and sometimes we simply go to visit them in Kansas City. We email, we call, we keep each other posted on each others' lives. Gene didn't just teach me how to preach. He taught me how to hope, to dare, even to dream. He is a continual reminder when I tend to cut off the possibilities for myself, to see beyond the borders of my own "backyard." He made me be honest, and to stop hiding who I really was. He made me a preacher, sure, but he also helped me learn how to live.
I can only hope that my own life makes such a difference.
It all started with a sermon. 1989. Ocean City, New Jersey. St. Peter's United Methodist Church. June. Hot and humid. I was 24 years old in body-- much older in spirit. My life was unexciting, and I had little prospects for any future possibilities of excitement. I lived on my own in a fairly nice apartment in Collingswood, NJ (hometown of Michael Landon) and worked in a real estate firm in Haddonfield, NJ (a.k.a. Uppityville) as a secretary. I knew this was not my life's calling, but I was beginning to think I didn't have a life's calling. I'd just broken up with a really good-looking guy from Pennsylvania who had a black belt in karate and drove a really nice white BMW. I'd thought he was was the one. Alas, he was not.
June, 1989, I was so bored I went to Ocean City after work to meet my parents at the Southern New Jersey Annual Conference Meeting. This is not something any normal person would do for fun, but well, that reflects the nature of my life then. We had a nice dinner, I got to see some old friends who were also attending the Conference, and then we went together over to St. Peter's UMC for the evening worship. At that point I'd only listened to one preacher, mostly, all my life, and that was my father. My father was good, mind you, but he was, after all, my father. It's hard to be inspired by your own father, especially after hearing him for 24 years, from womb to present. I'd heard some other preachers, and was not easily impressed. One might say suffered from Too Much Preaching. So I'd gotten into the habit of tuning out most preachers when I went to such meetings, daydreaming about something or other to get through till the next hymn. (I loved singing at Annual Conference-- there's nothing like 1,000 United Methodist pastors and lay people singing together!! John Wesley would have been proud)
But that night was different. I settled into the hard, wooden pew, that was kind of sticky with humidity-- St. Paul' was a large church, but old, and therefore had not invested in air conditioning. All the windows that did open were in fact opened, and occasionally we had a stray seagull fly through the sanctuary to get to the other side. Gene Lowry, the preacher of the evening entered the pulpit, and donned his bifocals. Oh great, I must have thought, this guy's going to be really exciting!
Gene looks a lot like Abraham Lincoln, and I would guess that's a compliment to Abraham Lincoln. He's tall, thin, gaunt in the face, with what one might call an "angular" face. He read the Scripture, Matthew 25:14-30; the Parable of the Talents. As he read the Scripture, he looked up often, raising his eyebrows, adding expressions and drama to the reading, so much so that it dídn't even sound like he was reading. I sat up, therefore unpeeling my shirt from the back of the varnished pew, and started listening. Gene dramatically removed his bifocals and laid them to the side of the pulpit... and began to preach.
Whoa!! How'd he do that? He drew me in from the beginning, so that I couldn't NOT listen. He made me laugh, chuckle, and listen to every word. He had no notes but just talked, told the story, in such a way that we were THERE. He described the scene, the people-- you could imagine the expressions, the feelings of those involved. At one point, my chest started to hurt, and I realized I was holding my breath. I let out a deep breath, and braced myself with my hands by my sides on the pew as I leaned forward.
As he talked about the third servant in the story who buried the talent that the Master had entrusted to him, I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. He talked about the man being afraid of the enormous gift that was entrusted to him, so much so that he panicked and hid it in a deep, dark hole in the backyard. Then the poor slob paced around that hole, lest someone KNOW where he'd buried it and come dig it up. He didn't eat, he didn't sleep, he just paced, while the first two servants took what they were given and doubled the Master's money through some clever dealings. When the Master finally got home, the other servants were commended for their cleverness, and the poor, sleep-deprived, nervy third servant, wringing his bony hands and whimpering, was reprimanded for being a coward.
Hey! I liked that guy! He...well, I could relate to him! Wait a minute, how did this Lowry dude KNOW? How did he describe... me? I felt the weight of my lostness in that moment, my hopelessness and lack of direction. Someone understood what it was to be me. But who WAS he? Then the admonition: "Get out of the backyard! Enter into the joy of your Master!!" And Gene's eyes looked over the expanse of the sanctuary filled with 1,000 people. Then he picked up his glasses... and walked away from the pulpit.
Hey! Where's he going? I sat back, again, sticking to the varnished pew, feeling utterly exhausted. How did he do that? I was shaking, I thought I might have to throw up. My mother looked over at me and smiled. "Good, huh?" she said.
I whispered back, "how did he know I was here?" She looked at me questioningly, and opened the hymnal to the next hymn.
My life changed after that night. Two months later I was enrolled in seminary at Drew University Theological School, still wondering what hit me. A lot of things had, in fact, hit me during those two months, landing me in the unikely landing of seminary. But my life opened up. The horizons opened up. I made straight A's for the first time in my whole education, I won awards and scholarships-- who WAS this person inhabiting my body?
A year later, it turns out my horizons opened up further. I'd fallen in love with a bearded second-career student named Larry who was the local cheerleader and unpaid 'human commercial for the obscure (to us) state of Nebraska. (Where WAS Nebraska anyway???) He couldn't say enough good about Nebraska. Weird guy. But he grew on me. By the time he left for Nebraska, I couldn't get him out of my heart. Over the summer, he racked up a $150 a month phone bill calling me (apparently he liked me too), and managed to drive the 26-hour drive (straight through) back East a few times to see me. This was ridiculous. He started looking into ways that he could serve a church in New Jersey while I finished seminary. New Jersey was full (it always is). There was "no way" I was going out to the God-forsaken Midwest (by then I'd found Nebraska on a map). Then in August, 1990, Gene Lowry came to Ocean Grove (different town than before) to preach at a campmeeting. I took a friend with me to hear him. I didn't want to meet him, he scared me to death. Anyone that could change my life completely with 20 minutes of words had to be pretty scary.
Gene, as always, was terrific. Inspiring. I decided to go back and hear him another night. This time, I took a 10-page typewritten, single-spaced letter I'd written, describing for him what happened to me that first time I heard him preach, and how my year had unfolded. I was nervous. Shy. Scared to death. The sermon was on the Gerasene demoniac (Luke 5), and the last thing Gene said was, "Go and tell what the Lord has done." Aw, crap. Ok. I will.
I nervously approached Gene with my thick envelope containing the letter, and awkwardly introduced myself, stuttering, stumbling over words, wiping my sweaty hands periodically on my pants. He was gracious, friendly even (I didn't know this was a Midwestern thing). He took the envelope and put it in his inside coat pocket and promised to read it later. He acted like he was really glad to meet me-- which, thinking back, why wouldn't he? How often does someone walk up to you and say, in essence, 'you've changed my life?'
Well, the rest is a very interesting, but even longer, story. There was more correspondance, more face to face conversations, and a few months later, I gave up my full-tuition scholarship to transfer to St. Paul School of Theology in another remote place out there somewhere called Kansas City, Missouri. That's where Gene Lowry taught preaching. Which happened to be about 6 hours from this bearded man I couldn't get out of my heart. How covenient. (I know, 6 hours? By New Jersey standards, that's absurd. In the Midwest, it's just a long car ride. Besides, it beat being 26 hours away!)
I transferred to St. Paul in January of 1991, got engaged to Larry, and we came back to New Jersey in August of 1991 to get married. During the first two years of my marriage, I commuted four hours (the Conference was nice enough to move us two hours closer) to Kansas City every week to school in my F150 pick up truck.
During seminary, but even more so after graduation, our friendship with Gene and Sarah Lowry grew. In 1994, I gave birth to Sarah Gene, with Gene's jazz piano music playing on the cassette player by the bed. The name of the cassette tape was called "The Sound of Good News." Sarah Gene was literally born to the sound of Gene playing the piano. Two months later, Gene and Sarah travelled up to Tilden, NE where we lived and pastored, to baptize Sarah Gene. Gene preached-- of course-- and played the piano for us all in celebration of Sarah Gene's baptism. Gene Lowry preached at my seminary graduation in 1993 and at my ordination as Elder in the Nebraska Annual Conference in 1996. In 1998 I got to be one of the speakers at his retirement from teaching at St. Paul School of Theology.
We travel to places where he's preaching whenever he comes near (even during our years in Pennsylvania), and sometimes we simply go to visit them in Kansas City. We email, we call, we keep each other posted on each others' lives. Gene didn't just teach me how to preach. He taught me how to hope, to dare, even to dream. He is a continual reminder when I tend to cut off the possibilities for myself, to see beyond the borders of my own "backyard." He made me be honest, and to stop hiding who I really was. He made me a preacher, sure, but he also helped me learn how to live.
I can only hope that my own life makes such a difference.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
after
someone wrote once
that grief is a lot like fear
and i get that
i remember being brave
i remember being calm
but that seems like forever
ago
now i'm shaking
as if i step on a crack
i really will break my mother's back
or if i love someone too much
they will surely die
or if i relax for a second
a tsunami will hit the midwest
oh god
when did i get so powerful?
maybe i really do believe deep down
that it was eve
who doomed us all
by taking a bite out of life
pmr
that grief is a lot like fear
and i get that
i remember being brave
i remember being calm
but that seems like forever
ago
now i'm shaking
as if i step on a crack
i really will break my mother's back
or if i love someone too much
they will surely die
or if i relax for a second
a tsunami will hit the midwest
oh god
when did i get so powerful?
maybe i really do believe deep down
that it was eve
who doomed us all
by taking a bite out of life
pmr
Sunday, April 20, 2008
The Living Stone
“THE REJECTED STONE”
I Peter 2:2-10 (The Message)
Faith United
April 20, 2008
I read this quote recently in a magazine
called Faith At Work:
It’s called “3$ Worth of God:”
It says, “I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please,
not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep
but just enough to equal a cup of warm mile
or a snooze in the sunshine
I don’t want enough of him to make me love a black person
or pick beets with a migrant
I want ecstasy, not transformation;
I want warmth of the womb, not a new birth
I want a pound of the Eternal in a paper sack.
I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please.”
I think a lot of people want to know,
what does Jesus do for ME?
Why should I believe or even follow this Jesus person
who lived over 2000 years ago?
What’s in it for me?
And a lot of people that want to sell books
or seats in an auditorium
will tell you that Jesus will reward you
for believing in him
Some guys on TV will even tell you
Jesus can make you rich
or drive away all your problems
or make your life easier
if you just send in a donation
in the name of Jesus
What do I get out of it?
Others will simply tell you
you better follow Jesus if you don’t want to wind up in hell
So the motivation to follow Jesus
would be to simply avoid pain and punishment
Yet I wonder how deep their relationship with Jesus is
if they’re just loving him out of sheer terror
as if they are abused children
It’s pretty normal for us
in our culture
to want to know what’s in it for ME
What do I get out of it?
And how much do I have to put in
in order to get something out of it?
We are a culture of comfort, after all
We want to pay our money
and get something in return
We want to buy a book
that will tell us how to stop being afraid
or depressed or angry
or a book to answer all the questions we have
about the meaning of life
about what is right and good
and the right way to vote
Well, I’ll tell you, Jesus disappoints people
he did then,
he does now
because he doesn’t come looking for someone
who just wants something out of him
but he comes looking for someone
who wants to give something
who want to be a part of something bigger than themselves
something that gives their lives purpose and meaning
in the midst of so much meaninglessness
A lot of people are selling God these days
a lot of them don’t even mention Jesus
because Jesus makes things too complicated
Especially if you read his Gospels --
if you read what he said, what he did
what he taught…
because all of that can be very disturbing
for anyone wanting an easy way
One of my professors in college
once told me during a time
when I was kind of floundering,
not knowing what to do
he just told me, “read the Gospels
Read them all; Matthew, Mark, Luke and John
Get to know who Jesus was and is
what he said, what he did
what he wants us to do and to be
Read with an open heart
and ask God to challenge you
to know Jesus better
and discover what that means for YOUR life…”
I did
because this was a professor I trusted
a person that embodied the very presence of Christ
in himself and in his life
So I read the Gospels very carefully
Got to know what Jesus was all about
and I won’t kid you,
what Jesus asks is impossible
It’s not comfortable, it’s not easy
it’s not even natural
But I’ve learned over the years
that just because it’s hard
and just because it goes against my natural tendencies sometimes
doesn’t mean it’s not what I’m called to strive for
Love your enemies?
Pray for those who persecute you?
I can’t do that
Forgive someone that has crushed my heart
or someone else’s that I love?
Forget it !
And yet I know that just because I don’t like it
or I don’t want to do it sometimes
that doesn’t mean I can ignore it
I guarantee that if someone ever did anything
to hurt my husband or child
my natural response would be to want to kill them
Not to forgive them
and see them as a broken human being – no way
But just because that’s my human response
doesn’t mean that that is what Jesus would want from me
What Jesus asks is impossible
and so a lot of people forget about it
They just say, well, I believe in Jesus, and that’s enough
I’m covered
But I don’t believe Jesus really cares
if you just say you believe in him
that you believe he is the Son of God
Anyone can say that
In fact, he said once,
“Many people will say Lord, Lord,
who will not enter the Kingdom of God.”
Jesus wants more than lip service
and that’s where he trips us up
Peter says he’s the stone that makes people stumble
and the rock that makes them fall
We didn’t learn that in Sunday School, of course
The Greek word that Peter uses in this letter
is Skandalon,
which means stumbling block
Peter calls Jesus a Skandalon, stumbling block
Michael Card, a Christian singer, who in fact wrote
the song I always sing at funerals at the end,
also wrote a song called “Scandalon.”
In it, he says,
“he (Jesus) will be the truth that will offend them one and all
a stone that makes men stumble
and a rock that makes them fall
Many will be broken so that He can make them whole
and many will be crushed and lose their own soul.
Along the path of life there lies a stubborn Scandalon
and all who come this way must be offended
to some He is a barrier, to others he’s the Way
for all should know the scandal of believing…
It seems today the Scandalon offends no one at all
The image we present can be stepped over
could it be that we are like the others long ago
will we ever learn that all who come must stumble?”
Will we ever learn that all who come must stumble?
Jesus is not easy
Some people try to make him easier than he really is
by watering down what he said and did
or just ignoring what he said and did
and focusing instead on the fact that he died
as if that’s all he did
But the Gospels go to great lengths
to tell us, from four different perspectives,
some of what he said and did
in the short time that he was on this earth
And the Gospel of John assures us that
he did much more and said much more
than we can ever know
So what’s the big deal about Jesus?
Before Jesus,
God was some frightening power on the top of a mountain
that struck sheer terror into people’s hearts
No one wanted to approach God
They saw him and heard him in the thunder and the lightning
He was kept apart from them in the Holy of holies
in the temple
lest people die of absolute terror
at the presence of God
So Jesus comes
to show us the face of God
in a way that doesn’t knock us flat on our face
You want to know what God is like
you look at Jesus…
God, I believe, is a lot like Jesus….
The first verse of Scandalon says
“The seers and the prophets had foretold it long ago
that the long awaited one would make them stumble
but they were looking for a king to conquer and to kill
who’d have ever thought He’d be so meek and humble?”
We’re still looking for someone to conquer and to kill
we still want to believe that there will be someone
who will bring God back to our country
But if you read the Old Testament,
God was always lamenting that the people wanted a king
trying to tell them that a king would not solve
all their problems
in fact, a king would create more problems for them
and God urged them through the prophets
to see God as ruler of all
even over kings and empires and governments
But the people wouldn’t listen
and we still don’t listen
Sure, I know we need a president, and we will get one
But that president will be just that --
a president over a human-made government
To say that any of those candidates
is the one chosen by God
or an appointed leader of God
is a very dangerous thing
Even the kings and leaders in the Old Testament
were just that, kings and leaders
who sometimes did what was good in the eyes
of the Lord,
and sometimes, they made God’s heart break
King David, a man after God’s own heart
murdered and committed adultery!
Government leaders have always been flawed
and to expect anything more of them is dangerous
It’s all about Jesus
whatever we do--,
whatever gives us passion,
whatever gives us meaning in this life
as Christians, we are the people of God
by ourselves we are nothing
because we are called together to be the people of God
together with all the crazy people that have been called before us
and being the people of God
doesn’t make us any better than anyone else
it’s gift… it’s pure gift
and with this gift comes incredible responsibility
We are to look to the one who called us in the first place
who came down the frightening mountain of God
in the form of a man
that could have blended into the crowd
He didn’t come with a holy glow around him
he came looking like one of us
But he showed us the face of God
as he spoke, as he healed
as he challenged his people
he never took the easy way out
and he never promised a comfortable way
But he did promise us a life everlasting --
a seat with our name on it at the heavenly banquet --
but the joy and the gift of that seat
is not something we have to wait for
the joy can begin now
as we sign up to be members at Jesus’ table
Don’t do it if you don’t really want it
don’t do it if you expect Jesus to make your life easier
don’t do it if you’re afraid of standing out
or looking like a fool
or sometimes being misunderstood
Jesus was rejected from the beginning
because people wanted him to be what he is not
and they still do
they still try to make him into their image
Many of us are still looking for a king
to conquer and to kill
and yet we get the one who appears meek and humble
while the power in him
is the power of love and compassion and mercy
a power that is not always valued in this society
So don’t ask what Jesus can do for you
rather, the Gospels remind us,
as Peter reminds us in his letter,
ask what YOU can do for Jesus
with the life that you’ve been given
He is the living Stone
the source of our lives
By our world’s standards, he’s not all that impressive
he might have even be called a wimp
or a softie
and be thrown out, or tossed aside, like a rejected stone
But Peter reminds us that what we reject
God puts in a place of honor
“present yourselves as building stones for the
construction of a sanctuary vibrant with life…”
Vibrant with life…
Why do we come here?
What are we looking for?
What do we find when we come here
as a part of this community?
What is it that we find in here
that we can’t always find out there?
Here we find the stone that makes some stumble
and the rock that makes them fall
Here we encounter the one who often trips us up
and challenges us to be different
to lay aside what comes naturally
and reach for the things that are higher
and with the Jesus that we come to know
we are called to be a holy people
after the example of Christ
“Be God’s instruments in a world that’s hungering for his grace
his love, his mercy
do his work and speak out for him
tell others of the nigh and day difference he made for you
bringing you from nothing to something
from rejected to accepted …”
If we’re to be like Jesus
and to take him seriously,
we have to say we believe with our very lives
we have to reach out to those we may not want to help
we may have to think about things from Jesus’ point of view
and not our own
we have to feed the hungry,
clothe the naked, set free those who are oppressed
in body and in spirit
we are called to set the captives free
and help them come to know that they, too
are beloved of Jesus
we are called to set more places at the table
to strive and pray for the vision
that Jesus has of our world --
a world governed by peace
a world where all people are free and safe
and loved and empowered to be all that they are created to be
To follow Jesus
is not easy
it’s not always comfortable
To really get to know who he is and what he wants
can be a scary thing
because it more often goes against our natural inclinations
Have you tasted the goodness of God at all in your life?
I hope so
I hope it’s not all a head trip
or just a lot of words that you learned in Sunday School
I hope you have had the opportunity
even if only in moments
to taste the goodness of God
to experience God’s love and grace in your life
to know God’s mercy and empowerment
If you’ve had a taste of God
then I hope you’ll want to make it possible
for others to taste the goodness and mercy of God as well
Because the stone that the expert builders threw out
is the very stone that God uses
as the cornerstone
the foundation of the power of God
at work in the world
It’s not a far off eternity
that we long for
we can taste the goodness of God right now
and we can live our lives with that taste in our mouths
as we long for the fullness of God’s glory someday
“For you are the ones chosen by God,
chosen for the high calling of priestly work,
chosen to be a holy people, God’s instruments to do his work
and to speak out for him
to tell others of the night and day difference
he made for you—bringing you from nothing to something
from rejected to accepted…. “
Thanks be to God!
I Peter 2:2-10 (The Message)
Faith United
April 20, 2008
I read this quote recently in a magazine
called Faith At Work:
It’s called “3$ Worth of God:”
It says, “I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please,
not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep
but just enough to equal a cup of warm mile
or a snooze in the sunshine
I don’t want enough of him to make me love a black person
or pick beets with a migrant
I want ecstasy, not transformation;
I want warmth of the womb, not a new birth
I want a pound of the Eternal in a paper sack.
I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please.”
I think a lot of people want to know,
what does Jesus do for ME?
Why should I believe or even follow this Jesus person
who lived over 2000 years ago?
What’s in it for me?
And a lot of people that want to sell books
or seats in an auditorium
will tell you that Jesus will reward you
for believing in him
Some guys on TV will even tell you
Jesus can make you rich
or drive away all your problems
or make your life easier
if you just send in a donation
in the name of Jesus
What do I get out of it?
Others will simply tell you
you better follow Jesus if you don’t want to wind up in hell
So the motivation to follow Jesus
would be to simply avoid pain and punishment
Yet I wonder how deep their relationship with Jesus is
if they’re just loving him out of sheer terror
as if they are abused children
It’s pretty normal for us
in our culture
to want to know what’s in it for ME
What do I get out of it?
And how much do I have to put in
in order to get something out of it?
We are a culture of comfort, after all
We want to pay our money
and get something in return
We want to buy a book
that will tell us how to stop being afraid
or depressed or angry
or a book to answer all the questions we have
about the meaning of life
about what is right and good
and the right way to vote
Well, I’ll tell you, Jesus disappoints people
he did then,
he does now
because he doesn’t come looking for someone
who just wants something out of him
but he comes looking for someone
who wants to give something
who want to be a part of something bigger than themselves
something that gives their lives purpose and meaning
in the midst of so much meaninglessness
A lot of people are selling God these days
a lot of them don’t even mention Jesus
because Jesus makes things too complicated
Especially if you read his Gospels --
if you read what he said, what he did
what he taught…
because all of that can be very disturbing
for anyone wanting an easy way
One of my professors in college
once told me during a time
when I was kind of floundering,
not knowing what to do
he just told me, “read the Gospels
Read them all; Matthew, Mark, Luke and John
Get to know who Jesus was and is
what he said, what he did
what he wants us to do and to be
Read with an open heart
and ask God to challenge you
to know Jesus better
and discover what that means for YOUR life…”
I did
because this was a professor I trusted
a person that embodied the very presence of Christ
in himself and in his life
So I read the Gospels very carefully
Got to know what Jesus was all about
and I won’t kid you,
what Jesus asks is impossible
It’s not comfortable, it’s not easy
it’s not even natural
But I’ve learned over the years
that just because it’s hard
and just because it goes against my natural tendencies sometimes
doesn’t mean it’s not what I’m called to strive for
Love your enemies?
Pray for those who persecute you?
I can’t do that
Forgive someone that has crushed my heart
or someone else’s that I love?
Forget it !
And yet I know that just because I don’t like it
or I don’t want to do it sometimes
that doesn’t mean I can ignore it
I guarantee that if someone ever did anything
to hurt my husband or child
my natural response would be to want to kill them
Not to forgive them
and see them as a broken human being – no way
But just because that’s my human response
doesn’t mean that that is what Jesus would want from me
What Jesus asks is impossible
and so a lot of people forget about it
They just say, well, I believe in Jesus, and that’s enough
I’m covered
But I don’t believe Jesus really cares
if you just say you believe in him
that you believe he is the Son of God
Anyone can say that
In fact, he said once,
“Many people will say Lord, Lord,
who will not enter the Kingdom of God.”
Jesus wants more than lip service
and that’s where he trips us up
Peter says he’s the stone that makes people stumble
and the rock that makes them fall
We didn’t learn that in Sunday School, of course
The Greek word that Peter uses in this letter
is Skandalon,
which means stumbling block
Peter calls Jesus a Skandalon, stumbling block
Michael Card, a Christian singer, who in fact wrote
the song I always sing at funerals at the end,
also wrote a song called “Scandalon.”
In it, he says,
“he (Jesus) will be the truth that will offend them one and all
a stone that makes men stumble
and a rock that makes them fall
Many will be broken so that He can make them whole
and many will be crushed and lose their own soul.
Along the path of life there lies a stubborn Scandalon
and all who come this way must be offended
to some He is a barrier, to others he’s the Way
for all should know the scandal of believing…
It seems today the Scandalon offends no one at all
The image we present can be stepped over
could it be that we are like the others long ago
will we ever learn that all who come must stumble?”
Will we ever learn that all who come must stumble?
Jesus is not easy
Some people try to make him easier than he really is
by watering down what he said and did
or just ignoring what he said and did
and focusing instead on the fact that he died
as if that’s all he did
But the Gospels go to great lengths
to tell us, from four different perspectives,
some of what he said and did
in the short time that he was on this earth
And the Gospel of John assures us that
he did much more and said much more
than we can ever know
So what’s the big deal about Jesus?
Before Jesus,
God was some frightening power on the top of a mountain
that struck sheer terror into people’s hearts
No one wanted to approach God
They saw him and heard him in the thunder and the lightning
He was kept apart from them in the Holy of holies
in the temple
lest people die of absolute terror
at the presence of God
So Jesus comes
to show us the face of God
in a way that doesn’t knock us flat on our face
You want to know what God is like
you look at Jesus…
God, I believe, is a lot like Jesus….
The first verse of Scandalon says
“The seers and the prophets had foretold it long ago
that the long awaited one would make them stumble
but they were looking for a king to conquer and to kill
who’d have ever thought He’d be so meek and humble?”
We’re still looking for someone to conquer and to kill
we still want to believe that there will be someone
who will bring God back to our country
But if you read the Old Testament,
God was always lamenting that the people wanted a king
trying to tell them that a king would not solve
all their problems
in fact, a king would create more problems for them
and God urged them through the prophets
to see God as ruler of all
even over kings and empires and governments
But the people wouldn’t listen
and we still don’t listen
Sure, I know we need a president, and we will get one
But that president will be just that --
a president over a human-made government
To say that any of those candidates
is the one chosen by God
or an appointed leader of God
is a very dangerous thing
Even the kings and leaders in the Old Testament
were just that, kings and leaders
who sometimes did what was good in the eyes
of the Lord,
and sometimes, they made God’s heart break
King David, a man after God’s own heart
murdered and committed adultery!
Government leaders have always been flawed
and to expect anything more of them is dangerous
It’s all about Jesus
whatever we do--,
whatever gives us passion,
whatever gives us meaning in this life
as Christians, we are the people of God
by ourselves we are nothing
because we are called together to be the people of God
together with all the crazy people that have been called before us
and being the people of God
doesn’t make us any better than anyone else
it’s gift… it’s pure gift
and with this gift comes incredible responsibility
We are to look to the one who called us in the first place
who came down the frightening mountain of God
in the form of a man
that could have blended into the crowd
He didn’t come with a holy glow around him
he came looking like one of us
But he showed us the face of God
as he spoke, as he healed
as he challenged his people
he never took the easy way out
and he never promised a comfortable way
But he did promise us a life everlasting --
a seat with our name on it at the heavenly banquet --
but the joy and the gift of that seat
is not something we have to wait for
the joy can begin now
as we sign up to be members at Jesus’ table
Don’t do it if you don’t really want it
don’t do it if you expect Jesus to make your life easier
don’t do it if you’re afraid of standing out
or looking like a fool
or sometimes being misunderstood
Jesus was rejected from the beginning
because people wanted him to be what he is not
and they still do
they still try to make him into their image
Many of us are still looking for a king
to conquer and to kill
and yet we get the one who appears meek and humble
while the power in him
is the power of love and compassion and mercy
a power that is not always valued in this society
So don’t ask what Jesus can do for you
rather, the Gospels remind us,
as Peter reminds us in his letter,
ask what YOU can do for Jesus
with the life that you’ve been given
He is the living Stone
the source of our lives
By our world’s standards, he’s not all that impressive
he might have even be called a wimp
or a softie
and be thrown out, or tossed aside, like a rejected stone
But Peter reminds us that what we reject
God puts in a place of honor
“present yourselves as building stones for the
construction of a sanctuary vibrant with life…”
Vibrant with life…
Why do we come here?
What are we looking for?
What do we find when we come here
as a part of this community?
What is it that we find in here
that we can’t always find out there?
Here we find the stone that makes some stumble
and the rock that makes them fall
Here we encounter the one who often trips us up
and challenges us to be different
to lay aside what comes naturally
and reach for the things that are higher
and with the Jesus that we come to know
we are called to be a holy people
after the example of Christ
“Be God’s instruments in a world that’s hungering for his grace
his love, his mercy
do his work and speak out for him
tell others of the nigh and day difference he made for you
bringing you from nothing to something
from rejected to accepted …”
If we’re to be like Jesus
and to take him seriously,
we have to say we believe with our very lives
we have to reach out to those we may not want to help
we may have to think about things from Jesus’ point of view
and not our own
we have to feed the hungry,
clothe the naked, set free those who are oppressed
in body and in spirit
we are called to set the captives free
and help them come to know that they, too
are beloved of Jesus
we are called to set more places at the table
to strive and pray for the vision
that Jesus has of our world --
a world governed by peace
a world where all people are free and safe
and loved and empowered to be all that they are created to be
To follow Jesus
is not easy
it’s not always comfortable
To really get to know who he is and what he wants
can be a scary thing
because it more often goes against our natural inclinations
Have you tasted the goodness of God at all in your life?
I hope so
I hope it’s not all a head trip
or just a lot of words that you learned in Sunday School
I hope you have had the opportunity
even if only in moments
to taste the goodness of God
to experience God’s love and grace in your life
to know God’s mercy and empowerment
If you’ve had a taste of God
then I hope you’ll want to make it possible
for others to taste the goodness and mercy of God as well
Because the stone that the expert builders threw out
is the very stone that God uses
as the cornerstone
the foundation of the power of God
at work in the world
It’s not a far off eternity
that we long for
we can taste the goodness of God right now
and we can live our lives with that taste in our mouths
as we long for the fullness of God’s glory someday
“For you are the ones chosen by God,
chosen for the high calling of priestly work,
chosen to be a holy people, God’s instruments to do his work
and to speak out for him
to tell others of the night and day difference
he made for you—bringing you from nothing to something
from rejected to accepted…. “
Thanks be to God!
Friday, April 18, 2008
3$ Worth of God
I saw this quote in a magazine recently:
"3$ Worth of God:
I would like to buy 3$ worth of God, please, not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep, but just enough to equal a cup of warm milk or a snooze in the sunshine. I don't want enough of him to make me love a black man or pick beets with a migrant. I want ecstasy, not transformation; I want warmth of the womb, not a new birth. I want a pound of the Eternal in a paper sack. I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please.
Wilbur Rees, Quoted in Leadership, Vol 4, No. 1"
* * * * * * * *
Yep. Don't disturb my life, God. Just keep me comfortable, and I'll pray for others that they, too, may be comfortable. But when I read the Gospels, I get a nagging feeling that Jesus' goal was not comfort.
In fact, he made people rather UNcomfortable. Which could be why he got killed.
I keep thinking of a variation on JFK's famous quote, saying, "Ask not what God can do for you, but what you can do for God." I mean, I know, I'm a pastor. I get tired of the downward trends of the mainline Christian church. I know we live in a culture that is flashy, fast, highly technological, sophisticated (in ways), etc., and the Church can't keep up. There is pressure to "get people in the door" by offering them something they'd want, as if the Church is just another stop in the WorldWide Mall. Christianity becomes another product we, people of the Church, must sell. After all, we want to be able to compete! We want to not look like fools (although Paul in the book of Corinthians pretty much assures us that that is EXACTLY what we will look like if we follow the Gospel of Jesus....)!
Someone once said recently that if Jesus saw all that was going on in his name (which he probably does, actually), he'd throw up.
I am a Christian, who happens, in this phase of my life, to be a pastor. I am a Christian first. A Christian human being. I'm still a part of the Church with all of its frustrations, bickering, money problems, scandal problems, credibility problems,... the list goes on-- because I am passionate about Jesus. And for some crazy reason, Jesus chose to use the Church as one of his vehicles to proclaim and share his Message. I think he's crazy, myself. But he didn't ask me. I think he was crazy to call an impulsive, gregarious, speak-before-he-thought fisherman like Peter to be one of his main assistants! Hello! When the going got tough, Peter bailed. Wimped out. He was always embarrassing himself. What was Jesus thinking?? Or James and John, who after witnessing all these incredible miracles and hearing the Message straight from the Messenger Himself, are concerned about their cabinet position in Jesus' new government. Or worse, yet, another version has their mother asking that they get the corner offices!!
Any of the disciples, really, don't offer much hope for leadership. Oh yeah, and Jesus calls a zealot, a tax collector, and honest, working blue collar fishermen to all work on the same team?? Was he a glutton for punishment? Or did he have a wicked sense of humor?? They all messed up. When the women told them that Jesus had risen from the dead, they're like, "yeah, right, their hormones must be acting up again."
So I guess Jesus has counted on the less than impressive since the beginning, and to me, that includes the Church throughout history: we've done some horrible things in the name of God, some of which we'd rather not talk about because it's too embarrassing. Yet, still, God wants US. God wants the Church to be vehicle of the Good News. No matter how bumbling, selfish and hormonal we get.
So I'm still here. Because I love Jesus. I wish I could tell you that you'll have everything you want if you follow him. You'll get rich (some preachers will tell you that), you'll find Mr. or Mrs. Right, you'll be concretely rewarded, and you'll get a Get Out of Hell Card Free. But the Christian life is not easy. First of all, we don't all agree. But if you look at the Orignial Twelve, well, they didn't agree either. Why do you think we have at least FOUR versions of the Gospel? And we know there are others that were lost or hidden centuries ago. Because none of us have the Whole Story. We all have bits and pieces of it, and together, it becomes more and more Whole.
Why am I a Christian when I could do something else and live more comfortably? I'm not a Christian to avoid an eternal hell-- if that were the case, I could do what I want and wait till the last minute and profess the faith. I am a Christian to help me through the hells of life on earth. I am a Christian because I feel passionately that God has a purpose for my life that goes beyond the fourscore and ten years I may live on this planet. That I am a part of something way bigger than language can encompass. I believe that God made me for the purpose of loving, giving, spreading the fragrance of God's grace and love through Jesus Christ into my corner of the world. I would do that if I was a pastor or not, it's just that God--rather aggressively, I might add-- called me to be a pastor for this time. But before I am a pastor, I am a child of God, struggling with everyone else to wrestle meaning and blessing out of the hands of God, to give me bread for the journey, that I may share with fellow travelers. And together, I hope, in our small time on this earth, I can add a little brightness to the Light that God has sent into the world. Light that will continue to grow long after I'm sitting at the Heavenly Banquet, but Light that has my own little bit of sparkle in it to carry on.
I need more than just 3$ worth of God. I need enough to sustain me every day, from here to eternity.
"3$ Worth of God:
I would like to buy 3$ worth of God, please, not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep, but just enough to equal a cup of warm milk or a snooze in the sunshine. I don't want enough of him to make me love a black man or pick beets with a migrant. I want ecstasy, not transformation; I want warmth of the womb, not a new birth. I want a pound of the Eternal in a paper sack. I would like to buy $3 worth of God, please.
Wilbur Rees, Quoted in Leadership, Vol 4, No. 1"
* * * * * * * *
Yep. Don't disturb my life, God. Just keep me comfortable, and I'll pray for others that they, too, may be comfortable. But when I read the Gospels, I get a nagging feeling that Jesus' goal was not comfort.
In fact, he made people rather UNcomfortable. Which could be why he got killed.
I keep thinking of a variation on JFK's famous quote, saying, "Ask not what God can do for you, but what you can do for God." I mean, I know, I'm a pastor. I get tired of the downward trends of the mainline Christian church. I know we live in a culture that is flashy, fast, highly technological, sophisticated (in ways), etc., and the Church can't keep up. There is pressure to "get people in the door" by offering them something they'd want, as if the Church is just another stop in the WorldWide Mall. Christianity becomes another product we, people of the Church, must sell. After all, we want to be able to compete! We want to not look like fools (although Paul in the book of Corinthians pretty much assures us that that is EXACTLY what we will look like if we follow the Gospel of Jesus....)!
Someone once said recently that if Jesus saw all that was going on in his name (which he probably does, actually), he'd throw up.
I am a Christian, who happens, in this phase of my life, to be a pastor. I am a Christian first. A Christian human being. I'm still a part of the Church with all of its frustrations, bickering, money problems, scandal problems, credibility problems,... the list goes on-- because I am passionate about Jesus. And for some crazy reason, Jesus chose to use the Church as one of his vehicles to proclaim and share his Message. I think he's crazy, myself. But he didn't ask me. I think he was crazy to call an impulsive, gregarious, speak-before-he-thought fisherman like Peter to be one of his main assistants! Hello! When the going got tough, Peter bailed. Wimped out. He was always embarrassing himself. What was Jesus thinking?? Or James and John, who after witnessing all these incredible miracles and hearing the Message straight from the Messenger Himself, are concerned about their cabinet position in Jesus' new government. Or worse, yet, another version has their mother asking that they get the corner offices!!
Any of the disciples, really, don't offer much hope for leadership. Oh yeah, and Jesus calls a zealot, a tax collector, and honest, working blue collar fishermen to all work on the same team?? Was he a glutton for punishment? Or did he have a wicked sense of humor?? They all messed up. When the women told them that Jesus had risen from the dead, they're like, "yeah, right, their hormones must be acting up again."
So I guess Jesus has counted on the less than impressive since the beginning, and to me, that includes the Church throughout history: we've done some horrible things in the name of God, some of which we'd rather not talk about because it's too embarrassing. Yet, still, God wants US. God wants the Church to be vehicle of the Good News. No matter how bumbling, selfish and hormonal we get.
So I'm still here. Because I love Jesus. I wish I could tell you that you'll have everything you want if you follow him. You'll get rich (some preachers will tell you that), you'll find Mr. or Mrs. Right, you'll be concretely rewarded, and you'll get a Get Out of Hell Card Free. But the Christian life is not easy. First of all, we don't all agree. But if you look at the Orignial Twelve, well, they didn't agree either. Why do you think we have at least FOUR versions of the Gospel? And we know there are others that were lost or hidden centuries ago. Because none of us have the Whole Story. We all have bits and pieces of it, and together, it becomes more and more Whole.
Why am I a Christian when I could do something else and live more comfortably? I'm not a Christian to avoid an eternal hell-- if that were the case, I could do what I want and wait till the last minute and profess the faith. I am a Christian to help me through the hells of life on earth. I am a Christian because I feel passionately that God has a purpose for my life that goes beyond the fourscore and ten years I may live on this planet. That I am a part of something way bigger than language can encompass. I believe that God made me for the purpose of loving, giving, spreading the fragrance of God's grace and love through Jesus Christ into my corner of the world. I would do that if I was a pastor or not, it's just that God--rather aggressively, I might add-- called me to be a pastor for this time. But before I am a pastor, I am a child of God, struggling with everyone else to wrestle meaning and blessing out of the hands of God, to give me bread for the journey, that I may share with fellow travelers. And together, I hope, in our small time on this earth, I can add a little brightness to the Light that God has sent into the world. Light that will continue to grow long after I'm sitting at the Heavenly Banquet, but Light that has my own little bit of sparkle in it to carry on.
I need more than just 3$ worth of God. I need enough to sustain me every day, from here to eternity.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Something God Alone Can See
I am just easing into the internet world with baby steps. Recently, someone invited me to get on Facebook.com, so I set up a profile on there. I still have a lot to learn about it, but once I typed in my high school and colleges with graduation years, suddenly there was a display of pictures of people that looked like slightly older versions of people I went to school with. In other words, the website revealed to me other Facebook residents who happened to graduate with me from either high school or college. Wow, that was weird.
This year will be my 25th high school graduation reunion, though I doubt I'll make the trip back to New Jersey for the event. I found one of my best friends from high school on Facebook; someone I hadn't seen in at least 20 years or more. He looked the same, except now he has a real job, making real money. He's a grown-up. Why is that so weird to me? Somehow people from the past get frozen in time in memory. It was shocking to find college friends from 21 years ago, with CHILDREN! They've been entrusted with raising other human beings! This, from people who, like me, at the time, had trouble getting to class on time or finding a decent date. Of course, I have a teenage daugther of my own, and she's turning out quite well, I must say, but somehow it is difficult to imagine my friends from the '80s (a very weird decade, I might add) raising children! And from the pictures, they look like they're being fed and clothed. I guess my old friends might feel the same incredulousness at the thought of ME raising a real live person.
It's kind of a time warp, to look into the faces of people you haven't seen in 20 years. What ways have they changed? I can tell you how much I've changed in 20 years, and it's kind of exhausting, but it's hard to imagine my old friends differently from my memory of them. Isn't kind of arrogant to think your life goes on, changing and growing, while the rest of the world as you remember it in the past goes on just the same? We are funny, us human beings.
In the profile, I had to write the name of my hometown. That was a tricky question. Where is my hometown?? It's hard to say. I was a pastor's kid in the United Methodist itinerant system. That means we moved a few times. I went to elementary and junior high school in Red Bank, NJ, and high school in Woodbury, NJ. But my parents live neither place-- they live in Mississippi. I never go "home." There IS no "home." My parents' house is where they've retired in the last few years, in an area I only visited in the summers to see relatives. New Jersey is technically home as it's where I spent my first 25 years, but there's no one town I call "home." There's no "place" to return to for me, in New Jersey. Or anywhere, for that matter.
I could feel sorry for myself, but I think in this day and age, I'm not so unusual. People are moving all the time. Now I call Nebraska home, and I have no doubt I will live in Central Nebraska for as long as I have a say in it! This is home. I pray that Gibbon, Nebraska will be my daughter's hometown that in the future she can claim on a space in a form or a website profile; a place she can come home to when she's older and needs to remember who she is and where she came from.
But in the end, I realize through all of this, that nothing stays the same. And really, time is just time, a human-made construct. In essence, we are all eternal beings, we are God's created children. The details of that are too vast for my human, time-bound mind to get around, but I trust in the mystery. One of my favorite hymns, "Hymn of Promise" by Natalie Sleeth, says, "From the past will come the future, what it holds, a mystery, unrevealed until it's season, something God alone can see." I will trust God's creative Spirit to continue to shape, mold and continue to create my life and the lives of those I love. I don't have to know it all or understand it all. "Grace has brought me safe thus far," and I trust, that "grace will lead me home."
This year will be my 25th high school graduation reunion, though I doubt I'll make the trip back to New Jersey for the event. I found one of my best friends from high school on Facebook; someone I hadn't seen in at least 20 years or more. He looked the same, except now he has a real job, making real money. He's a grown-up. Why is that so weird to me? Somehow people from the past get frozen in time in memory. It was shocking to find college friends from 21 years ago, with CHILDREN! They've been entrusted with raising other human beings! This, from people who, like me, at the time, had trouble getting to class on time or finding a decent date. Of course, I have a teenage daugther of my own, and she's turning out quite well, I must say, but somehow it is difficult to imagine my friends from the '80s (a very weird decade, I might add) raising children! And from the pictures, they look like they're being fed and clothed. I guess my old friends might feel the same incredulousness at the thought of ME raising a real live person.
It's kind of a time warp, to look into the faces of people you haven't seen in 20 years. What ways have they changed? I can tell you how much I've changed in 20 years, and it's kind of exhausting, but it's hard to imagine my old friends differently from my memory of them. Isn't kind of arrogant to think your life goes on, changing and growing, while the rest of the world as you remember it in the past goes on just the same? We are funny, us human beings.
In the profile, I had to write the name of my hometown. That was a tricky question. Where is my hometown?? It's hard to say. I was a pastor's kid in the United Methodist itinerant system. That means we moved a few times. I went to elementary and junior high school in Red Bank, NJ, and high school in Woodbury, NJ. But my parents live neither place-- they live in Mississippi. I never go "home." There IS no "home." My parents' house is where they've retired in the last few years, in an area I only visited in the summers to see relatives. New Jersey is technically home as it's where I spent my first 25 years, but there's no one town I call "home." There's no "place" to return to for me, in New Jersey. Or anywhere, for that matter.
I could feel sorry for myself, but I think in this day and age, I'm not so unusual. People are moving all the time. Now I call Nebraska home, and I have no doubt I will live in Central Nebraska for as long as I have a say in it! This is home. I pray that Gibbon, Nebraska will be my daughter's hometown that in the future she can claim on a space in a form or a website profile; a place she can come home to when she's older and needs to remember who she is and where she came from.
But in the end, I realize through all of this, that nothing stays the same. And really, time is just time, a human-made construct. In essence, we are all eternal beings, we are God's created children. The details of that are too vast for my human, time-bound mind to get around, but I trust in the mystery. One of my favorite hymns, "Hymn of Promise" by Natalie Sleeth, says, "From the past will come the future, what it holds, a mystery, unrevealed until it's season, something God alone can see." I will trust God's creative Spirit to continue to shape, mold and continue to create my life and the lives of those I love. I don't have to know it all or understand it all. "Grace has brought me safe thus far," and I trust, that "grace will lead me home."
Saturday, April 5, 2008
What I Learned When I Turned 40
I used to be in the category of "young pastors" in the United Methodist Church. It was nice. I would drop little comments like, "no, I don't remember where I was when JFK was shot, because I wasn't born," to my older colleagues. There was something viciously satisfying about that.
Though it's still true that I wasn't born when JFK was shot, I'm no longer considered "young." The category of "Young Pastors" has been re-termed as "Pastors Under 40," which excludes me now. I've been in my forties for almost 3 years now. I almost can't remember NOT being in my 40s, and it's not because I'm getting old and losing my memory. It's because my life changed at 40. I'd say I was "born again" but that term is overused and horribly misunderstood. It just seems like everything was so much harder before I turned 40. I wouldn't go back for anything!!
I like to say that my life began again when I moved to Nebraska for the second and last time. I don't plan on leaving this time. You can't make me. When I came to Nebraska for the first time, I had a bumper sticker on my pickup truck that said, "I wasn't born in Nebraska, but I got here as fast as I could." Unfortunately, I was "young" then, and foolish enough to leave. Thank God I came to my senses. It was in my 40th year of life.
I don't mean to insinuate that God can make mistakes, but I've thought that perhaps I got mixed up in the delivery chute from heaven and got sent to the wrong state when I was born in New Jersey. No offense against NJ, it's alright for some people (about 10 million), but I am a much calmer person since I moved to Nebraska. Well, twice.
I moved to Nebraska (again) just two days before my 40th birthday. Not knowing anyone in town, yet, I avoided the embarrasing hoopla of vultures and black balloons and coupons for Depends that so often accompanies such a landmark birthday. I don't feel old since I turned 40, actually, I've felt increasingly younger since then. It has something to do with joy. And oxygen. And wide open spaces. This is what I learned when I turned 40 and moved (again) to Nebraska:
1. You don't have to rush everywhere. You don't even have to be exactly on time.
You especially don't have to be 1/2 hour early, or you're going to be alone for
30 minutes.
2. It's ok to talk to strangers. It's ok to smile at strangers. They're just as
weird as you are.
3. Driving can be fun, even therapeutic, assuming the land is flat, there are few
other cars on the road, and the sunset is amazing.
4. Life is too short to be uptight all the time.
5. Life is too short to not enjoy yourself at least once a day.
6. It's good to take time to have coffee (or tea) with people.
7. You don't have to be alone.
8. It's good to care about other people, even if you don't always like them. There
will be a time when you hope someone else will care about you.
9. The land is God's creation, no more or less than you are. Pay attention to it.
10. God is not just in your head. God is all over the place and beyond. God is
trying to tell you something all the time-- pay attention.
11. It is absolutely necessary to have friends who will take you as you are, no
matter what kind of shape you're in.
12. It is absolutely necessary to laugh so hard your stomach hurts-- and do it
as frequently as possible.
13. It's important to tell people you love them when you do.
14. It's important to be open to learning new things, looking at things from a
different perspective, and to not assume that you know everything.
15. It's good to mix with people who aren't part of your normal circle of friends.
It's good to talk to people you wouldn't normally talk to and find out they're
no weirder than you are.
16. It's important to keep an open mind and open heart.
17. It's not always bad to know everybody and their brother or sister. You don't
have to LIKE them all, just be nice.
18. When you don't know what to do for someone in crisis, make a casserole.
19. Getting dirt under your fingernails is not a bad thing.
20. Life can be good.
That's about all I have for now on the subject. Not everybody would agree with me on some of these points, I realize. But turning 40 was not traumatic for me, it was a new opportunity, a new beginning, it's when I took a deep breath of fresh air and started actually feeling younger.
I've also learned here that death is not the enemy, but it's a natural part of life. All of creation lives and dies and is renewed, it's how God does things. We don't have to be afraid of that process. God's been doing it quite successfully forever. God loves to recycle everything, and it's usually better the second time around. I've also learned that I can't control much of anything. I wish someone had told me this YEARS ago. It would have saved me a lot of wasted energy. Terrible things happen in life, and when it does, it stinks. But it's not the end of the world, and it's not always my fault. Even if I could have done something differently, all I can do is go forward from here. There are a lot of things I can't change and it's futile to try. That includes people. I pray God gives me the wisdom to know what I can change, and leave the rest alone.
Life is good.
Though it's still true that I wasn't born when JFK was shot, I'm no longer considered "young." The category of "Young Pastors" has been re-termed as "Pastors Under 40," which excludes me now. I've been in my forties for almost 3 years now. I almost can't remember NOT being in my 40s, and it's not because I'm getting old and losing my memory. It's because my life changed at 40. I'd say I was "born again" but that term is overused and horribly misunderstood. It just seems like everything was so much harder before I turned 40. I wouldn't go back for anything!!
I like to say that my life began again when I moved to Nebraska for the second and last time. I don't plan on leaving this time. You can't make me. When I came to Nebraska for the first time, I had a bumper sticker on my pickup truck that said, "I wasn't born in Nebraska, but I got here as fast as I could." Unfortunately, I was "young" then, and foolish enough to leave. Thank God I came to my senses. It was in my 40th year of life.
I don't mean to insinuate that God can make mistakes, but I've thought that perhaps I got mixed up in the delivery chute from heaven and got sent to the wrong state when I was born in New Jersey. No offense against NJ, it's alright for some people (about 10 million), but I am a much calmer person since I moved to Nebraska. Well, twice.
I moved to Nebraska (again) just two days before my 40th birthday. Not knowing anyone in town, yet, I avoided the embarrasing hoopla of vultures and black balloons and coupons for Depends that so often accompanies such a landmark birthday. I don't feel old since I turned 40, actually, I've felt increasingly younger since then. It has something to do with joy. And oxygen. And wide open spaces. This is what I learned when I turned 40 and moved (again) to Nebraska:
1. You don't have to rush everywhere. You don't even have to be exactly on time.
You especially don't have to be 1/2 hour early, or you're going to be alone for
30 minutes.
2. It's ok to talk to strangers. It's ok to smile at strangers. They're just as
weird as you are.
3. Driving can be fun, even therapeutic, assuming the land is flat, there are few
other cars on the road, and the sunset is amazing.
4. Life is too short to be uptight all the time.
5. Life is too short to not enjoy yourself at least once a day.
6. It's good to take time to have coffee (or tea) with people.
7. You don't have to be alone.
8. It's good to care about other people, even if you don't always like them. There
will be a time when you hope someone else will care about you.
9. The land is God's creation, no more or less than you are. Pay attention to it.
10. God is not just in your head. God is all over the place and beyond. God is
trying to tell you something all the time-- pay attention.
11. It is absolutely necessary to have friends who will take you as you are, no
matter what kind of shape you're in.
12. It is absolutely necessary to laugh so hard your stomach hurts-- and do it
as frequently as possible.
13. It's important to tell people you love them when you do.
14. It's important to be open to learning new things, looking at things from a
different perspective, and to not assume that you know everything.
15. It's good to mix with people who aren't part of your normal circle of friends.
It's good to talk to people you wouldn't normally talk to and find out they're
no weirder than you are.
16. It's important to keep an open mind and open heart.
17. It's not always bad to know everybody and their brother or sister. You don't
have to LIKE them all, just be nice.
18. When you don't know what to do for someone in crisis, make a casserole.
19. Getting dirt under your fingernails is not a bad thing.
20. Life can be good.
That's about all I have for now on the subject. Not everybody would agree with me on some of these points, I realize. But turning 40 was not traumatic for me, it was a new opportunity, a new beginning, it's when I took a deep breath of fresh air and started actually feeling younger.
I've also learned here that death is not the enemy, but it's a natural part of life. All of creation lives and dies and is renewed, it's how God does things. We don't have to be afraid of that process. God's been doing it quite successfully forever. God loves to recycle everything, and it's usually better the second time around. I've also learned that I can't control much of anything. I wish someone had told me this YEARS ago. It would have saved me a lot of wasted energy. Terrible things happen in life, and when it does, it stinks. But it's not the end of the world, and it's not always my fault. Even if I could have done something differently, all I can do is go forward from here. There are a lot of things I can't change and it's futile to try. That includes people. I pray God gives me the wisdom to know what I can change, and leave the rest alone.
Life is good.
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