Play Nice

First of all, let me get something off my chest. I am a registered Democrat. And I'm a Christian. There, I said it.

I say it, first of all, because the election heat is intensifying with the one convention down, one more to go. I expect to receive even more anti-Democrat emails in my email than I have in the past. Unless I nip it in the bud. Let me also say that I am never even tempted to send anti-Republican ads, never do I question the sincerity of one's faith based on their political party. I just ask that you don't either.

I am not blind. I do not expect any Democrat to be a savior or a messiah or anything but a human politician with ideals that I share. I get disappointed when otherwise smart people do really stupid things: ie, not keeping their pants on. But I know a lot of really smart people in everyday life who do stupid things all the time, yet it doesn't make national news. I don't expect any politician to be more than human. I do hope and pray they can be wise.

Let's just decide to play fair. I have a lot of Republican friends. We'll still be friends after the election, I hope, no matter who wins. They are voting for someone and I'm voting for someone else. That doesn't mean they or I am any less Christian, any less caring of human life and dignity, any less likely to make it to heaven. Let's play nice. Why is it so difficult for us to disagree and still respect each other? How many problems could be solved if we could only remember to have respect for each other?? Why is this so hard?

I am personally thrilled to see our first African American presidential candidate from a major party. I don't like him just because he's black. If he were Asian, Korean, Canadian, Indian or South African, and had all the same ideals/beliefs, I'd still like him. Gosh, I'd even like him if he were white! I don't expect him to save the world in 4-8 years, but I do have hopes that he can lead us in some much-needed directions and get something good started, if he is elected. I don't believe he's a Muslim-- I believe him when he says he's a Christian; I don't believe he's a Communist (why does THAT always come up? Can't we be more creative in our insults than something that was used 50 years ago??), I don't believe he's the Anti-Christ (yes, I've seen that accusation), and I don't believe any of the other lies that are spread in hopes of scaring people away from him. And I won't be spreading e-rumors about his opponent. This is a democracy, right? We're proud of that. We're so darn proud of that, that we think OTHER countries should have democracy like us, too. So let's act like a democracy, and vote our consciences. Let's respect people who disagree with us, because no matter what happens, we still have to live together after the election.

Let's not blindly believe every nasty thing that is conjured up about either Obama or McCain, in desperate efforts to win. Let's play fair. Let's vote. We always vote with the knowledge that we will win or lose, because nobody always gets their way. We do what we can to make our voice heard, and I pray that the U.S. never loses that strength of allowing the people to decide.

But all I ask is if you want to be nasty about it, please don't call me or email me. Don't insult my intelligence, my faith, my sanity, or my humanity. I promise I won't insult yours. Someone very wise once said that we don't have to attend a fight just because someone invites us. While the ads and the newscasters are hashing it out with mean words and insults over the next couple of months, we don't have to be sucked into it. We can be bigger than that. You don't even have to tell anyone who you're voting for if you don't feel like it.

In the words of Tiny Tim, "God Bless Everyone."

Little-Known Heroines

“WHEN IT’S TIME TO SAY NO”
Exodus 1:8-2:10
Faith United
August 24, 2008


What do you care about?
I mean, what do you care DEEPLY, passionately about?
Someone said this week that 24 hour news coverage
has a way of making us too tired to care
We’re inundated with news, inundated with BAD news
from all over the world, 24 hours a day
every stupid thing someone said
every horrifying act of violence
every mistake, every blunder
every injustice
so much so
that we can’t possibly care about it all
it’s too much
If we care, we’ll feel overwhelmed
by our inability to change anything
So we become numb
we are focused on our lives
and the things that crop up each day
to go beyond that is just too exhausting
and yet, I think we suspect
that there is more to our lives
than making a living, paying the bills
trying to stay healthy
and reasonably sane
If we ever take time to think
we recognize that there is more to living
than just breathing in and out each day
But in the onslaught of words and passions and conflicts
that assault us every day in the media
how can we possibly discern what really matters?
How can we know where we fit into the picture
and what we can possibly do?
I used to hate history
especially the way it was taught in school
REALLY BORING
a list of facts and dates to memorize
that I thought, had nothing to do with me
But during my sophomore year of high school
I had a teacher named Mr. Mann
who taught U.S. History
I was prepared to numb out during that class
because history was so boring
But Mr. Mann wouldn’t let you numb out
He didn’t just lecture
He told stories
He walked around the classroom
and talked about history as if he were there
He knew those people
He saw them
He heard them
He put his whole body into it
He was funny, scary, intimidating
and he spoke as if everything he said mattered
I remember one day he scared the bejeebies out of me
cause I was the wallflower kid
I just liked to stay in the background
and I was really shy
and one day, Mr. Mann was doing his thing
talking about the South
and he came up to my desk
leaned in close
and said,
“Do you know what the name of the very first
grocery store in the United States was called?”
My eyes got wide
and I think I stopped breathing
because he was right in my face
I shook my head and gulped
He narrowed his eyes
shook his head
and said, looking right into my eyes
as if I should truly appreciate the absurdity of this truth
and he said,
“Piggly… Wiggly.”
“Piggly Wiggly!!” He said, “That is the name of the first self-serve grocery store
in the United States!”
Well, I was impressed,
because I’d actually been to Piggly Wiggly
down in Mississippi
and when I started breathing again after class
I was able to tell him that
In seminary, I had a similar professor
Dr. Bull, an unfortunate name…
but he was the same way with Church History
he was THERE
He was THERE when St. Paul started all those churches
he was THERE when councils met to discuss
whether Jesus was fully divine and fully human
or just one or the other
He was THERE when Constantine took power
and changed how the church functioned in society
He, too, would get right in your face
and say things as if you should be as equally appalled
at the truth as he is
He knew Augustine personally….
and he was adamant, by the way,
that it is pronounced AuGUStine…
and not AUGustine, like the place in Florida
But from those two men
I learned that history is important
that knowing history is important
because if you learn enough,
you’ll see that we keep doing the same things over and over
that we really haven’t learned what we need to learn
from history
We talked about Jacob and Joseph
in the last couple of weeks
and their crazy families
Well, this passage comes about 400 years after Joseph
brought his family to Egypt
to escape the famine
The Bible tends to skip through centuries pretty fast
But in 400 years, the descendents of Joseph
multiplied, as would be expected
they made their home in Egypt
and many generations followed
And Egypt was a hospitable place for these immigrants
they allowed them to grow and thrive there
until 400 years after Joseph
It took 400 years for there to be leadership in Egypt
a Pharoah who didn’t know the history of Joseph’s family
or if he did, he didn’t care
He didn’t care about the history of Egypt’s hospitality
to those Hebrew immigrants
all he saw was a foreign people growing in number
and pretty soon, native Egyptians
would be in the minority in their own country
and that terrified him
Now, you have to understand that Egypt had a history
of being invaded
at the time of this current Pharoah
there had been foreign invaders residing in the East
The Egyptians captured the invaders and made them do forced labor
So after awhile, Egypt was always on the alert
for any possible threats to their country
They maintained a war-like stance
in relation to outsiders
always believing they could be potential terrorists…
oops, I mean invaders…
So it was a highly charged time
the world was changing rapidly
the Pharoah and his leaders of Egypt
tended to be paranoid about strangers
So it was during this time
that Pharoah started getting nervous
about the growing population of Hebrews
it was getting out of hand
and he thought, hey, you know, they’re getting to be so many
they could join our enemies in the East
and form an army and take us over…
we can’t let that happen
He was afraid
He was paranoid
He was defensive
There is no indication that the Hebrews gave him reason to be afraid
all they did was multiply
there is no indication that they showed any interest
in taking over Egypt
They lived their lives,
followed their customs, tried to live out their own culture
from their homeland
here in this foreign land
that had been so hospitable to them for so long
Until now
Seemingly out of nowhere
just at the whim of a paranoid leader
the Pharoah imposed hard labor onto the Hebrews
took them into slavery
men, women, and children
Made them do the hard work of building his statues
and empires
and symbols of the Pharoah’s power
He thought that would do it
would keep them subdued
and remind them that they were only immigrants
foreigners
and they better not forget that
But it seemed that the more he enslaved them
the more they multiplied
even under the harsh conditions of their new lives in Egypt
So the Pharoah went straight to the source
he told the Egyptian midwives,
who assisted in the births of Hebrew children
He instructed them that when the Hebrew mothers came to the birthing stool
that the midwives were to kill every male child
born to the Hebrews
Well, these were midwives
they were committed to bringing forth new life,
they were not killers
They were most likely mothers themselves
and therefore knew that intimate bond
with your own child
Their names were Shiprah and Puah
I don’t know why we know their names
most women in the Old Testament don’t have names
or their names are not remembered
and these are just a couple of midwives
in Pharoah’s service
Why did they do it?
I mean come on, they were citizens of Egypt
they answered to the Pharoah
as all Egyptians did
Disobeying the Pharoah was like breaking a law
and yet, for these midwives, the punishment
for disobedience would not just be imprisonment
it would be death
They most likely had children of their own to think about
why did they defy the Pharoah’s direct and clear orders?
Because they knew that something else was going on
They weren’t believers in the Hebrew God
but they knew that God was powerful
They saw something in those Hebrews
that demonstrated the powers of their God
Not a dominating power
not an oppressive power,
but the power of life
and not only did they fear this God
which fear in the Bible does not mean terror or fright
but fear of God is an awe of God
a respect for the power of God
a humble knowledge of God’s sovereignty
They feared this God of the Hebrews
enough so that they were willing to risk their lives
to preserve life
To Pharoah those Hebrews weren’t real people
with human hearts and emotions
and human passions
They were just foreigners
a mass of them, he didn’t see individual people
precious lives
he saw a threat and he wanted to get rid of them
But Shiprah and Puah were not killers
even though they had been given sanction to kill
by the leader of their government
they would not be arrested,
in fact, they would be commended
for their act of putting down the perceived enemies of Egypt
But they would not do it
They said NO
They appealed to a law higher than the Pharoah
the law of life, the law of mercy and justice
And when Pharaoh brought them in to question them
why the male Hebrew babies were surviving
they shrugged their shoulders
“We don’t know, those Hebrew women are amazing…
they pop those babies out before we can get near them …”
And clearly the Pharoah was stupid enough
and clueless enough
to believe them
otherwise he would have killed them
for not only disobeying him
but for trying to deceive him
They were nothing
they were nobody
just midwives, they had everything to lose
and nothing to gain
except the horror of having Hebrew blood on their hands
and they said No
at the risk of the lives
And God honored them, these pagan women
God gave them families and lives of their own
for standing up to the powers that be
And then you know the rest of the story from Sunday School
The Pharaoh was determined to kill those Hebrew babies
to keep them from taking over his country
so he ordered that all male Hebrew babies be thrown into the river
to die
and one Hebrew mother, the mother of Moses
put him in a basket and sent him down the river
in hopes that someone would find him and care for him
and it the daughter of Pharoah
who found the basket and the Hebrew baby inside it
and took him into her care
protected him, nurtured him, and even got his own mother
to nurse him
again, in direct defiance of her father
She saved the life of a baby that her father
had sentenced to die
just because of his race
Apparently Pharoah didn’t have very good control of his women!
The daughter, too, said No
to her own father, to his ways of paranoia and death
to his complete disregard for human life
The Pharoah was not a sentimental man
he was not above killing his own daughter
for the sake of preserving unity
so she, too, took a huge risk
taking in the Baby Moses
and as we’ll find in the rest of the story
Shiprah, Puah and the Pharoah’s daughter
all saved not just a few babies
but they saved the nation of Israel
from the destruction of the paranoid Pharaoh
The world is constantly changing
and we are no less afraid of those changes
than the people of ancient Egypt
What will we do in the midst of those changes?
What do we care about?
We love our country, we are proud to be Americans
but is there ever a time when our faith
may conflict with our citizenship?
Do we agree with everything that goes on in our country?
I watch a lot of movies and read history now
I was just a little kid in the 60s
so I didn’t know what was going on
and I often wonder what I would have done
if I’d been an adult during that time
Would I have stuck up for African Americans
in the Civil Rights Movement ?
Or would I have been the an angry voice of piety
saying that they should know their place?
Would I have condoned the violence that was sanctioned
by police and institutions?
Or would I have had the guts to say “no, this is wrong”?
We live in a highly charged atmosphere now,
since 9/11
We’ve become very suspicious of the foreigner
among us
especially ones with middle eastern accents
We live in a culture of fear and paranoia
fed by cable news
we are encouraged every day to be afraid
and to be especially afraid of people who don’t look like us
or speak like us
yet we’re also told that in a few decades
Anglo-Saxan, white Americans will be in the minority
it’s going to happen, no matter how many walls we put up
at the borders
it’ll happen whether we like it or not
Throughout history, people have become fearful and paranoid
of the stranger
have responded with violence
We have a history of enslaving people ourselves
and even when they were legally free
we enslaved them in other ways
we enslaved their dignity
We can get a lot of justification and support
in our world, even in our own government
to hate the stranger
to dispose of them
to keep them from taking over our country
We haven’t changed too much, really
since the days of Pharoah
and the enslavement of the Hebrews
What do we care about?
What do we care about beyond our own homes?
Do we believe that God can use us
like he used those insignificant powerless midwives
who stood up to a king?
Who had had enough of killing and violence
and disregard for human lives?
Who had the ovaries to say NO
when it could have cost them their lives??
Do we care about the stranger?
who, like us, has a beating heart
that can feel pain?
Will we stand up for the stranger
who is not like us,
but in fact is like us
in just wanting to find a better life?
Are we willing to share the gifts
that we’ve been blessed with?
Or will we play it safe
keep our heads low, not stir up any trouble
and do what we’re told without question
even when we see human suffering
that is government-sanctioned?
Are we more afraid of political leaders
than we are of God
whom we will ultimately answer to
in regard to how we treated God’s other children?
Will we ever stop saying yes
when we know deep down
that God would have us say NO?
What DO we care about most??

Looking Back

“FAMILY FEUD”
Text: Genesis 45:1-15
Faith United
August 17, 2008


I really hate election years
I hate them as much as I hate tabloids
We live in a world where people’s worst moments
are broadcast out to the whole world
to be scrutinized, judged and analyzed
Some say, well, if they want to be rich and famous
that’s the price they have to pay --
but it’s inhumane
People, as I’ve said before,
talk about how small towns are a hotbed of rumors
and false stories
this is true
but the rest of the world is no better
at least if someone spreads a rumor about us in Gibbon
it’s pretty much a rumor in Gibbon
but if someone spreads a rumor on the internet
or on cable TV
or posts something on YouTube
well, the whole world makes it their business
especially if you’re well-known
I get really angry at the hypocrisy
that comes out in election years
as if our own lives, our own families, our own communities,
our own churches
don’t have deep, infectious scars
Those stories that still cause us pain
those infidelities that are an open sore
Those mistakes, those crashes,
those times when we or somebody we love
is at their weakest
Why do you suppose we love to watch hours of Cable news
that analyzes and picks apart
` someone else’s past mistakes and screw-ups?
Because then we don’t have to pay attention
to our own
we feel better
when we can see and exploit the sins of others
The current fascination with John Edwards’ infidelities
is just another illustration
at how we feel better humiliating someone else
so that we don’t have to think about our own sins
or deepest regrets

How many stories do we read
of our favorite music or movie stars
who reached the pinnacle of success and adoration
only to crash and burn?
I don’t believe it’s entirely their fault
Sure, we’re all responsible for our lives and our decisions
but we also live in a society that takes extraordinary people
tries to make them into gods and goddesses
tries to believe that finally, someone is above
our human condition
we exploit them, we sell them like products
and when they stop making us money
or stop being wonderful
we throw them out with yesterday’s trash
and we wonder why so many lives
are ruined by drugs and alcohol
and disastrous behavior
and another gifted person crashes and burns
and we write books about them and their demise
and make lots of money
Well, CNN and Fox News
would have had a field day with the family of Jacob
Family dysfunction is not just a modern thing
Ruined lives and relationships and exploitation
are as old as humankind
We’ve been talking about Jacob
and his crazy behavior,
his bad relationships, and his deceitful ways
that God was able to redeem
by knocking his hip out of joint by a river at midnight
I love the Old Testament
some people hate it
I love it because it is so honest
it doesn’t hide anything
that’s why some people hate it
it’s confusing
It shows the worst and the best of humankind
all in the same stories
Because to be our best
we have to face our worst
and trust that God can use it all
That’s why I like Jacob and his absolutely crazy family
Jacob loved Rachel more than life itself
but his uncle tricked him into marrying Rachel’s older sister first
and then Rachel
This was of course in the age of polygamy….
Jacob never loved Leah like he loved Rachel
but Leah could get pregnant
and Rachel could not
Which was a big deal in those days
A woman was worthless if she couldn’t make babies
especially male babies
So Leah gave birth to 10 sons
While Rachel was apparently infertile and humiliated
Finally, however, Rachel gave birth to Joseph
and Joseph was therefore Jacob’s favorite son --
his beloved child with his beloved Rachel
Then Rachel gave birth to Benjamin
and she died during childbirth
They didn’t have grief support groups back then
and really, a wife then, was basically a baby machine
so no one could understand the horrible grief
that Jacob felt at Rachel’s death
He loved her so much
He never cared that she had trouble bearing children
He loved her for who she was – his precious Rachel
So when Rachel died,
Jacob went a little crazy
and he treated young Joseph like a king
because he was his mother’s first-born
Joseph became a spoiled brat
His ten older brothers all worked hard on the land
but Joseph didn’t have to
His brothers knew he was the favorite son
and they resented him more and more
for his special treatment
His dad made him a coat of many colors --
we even have a Broadway musical about it --
it was the kind of coat that a prince would wear
and not someone who worked up a sweat
Joseph didn’t work a day in his early life
he wore his precious coat
and gloated among his sweaty, overworked brothers
He shared his dreams with them
totally oblivious to how obnoxious and self-centered he was
He shared dreams he’d dreamed
about his brothers bowing down to him like a lord
and he couldn’t understand why they were so upset
When he dreamed of the very moon and stars
bowing down to him, Joseph,
Jacob thought maybe his son was going too far
But Joseph would wander the fields in his coat
and spy on his brothers
and when he caught them not working,
he’d go and tattle on them to Jacob
and get them in trouble
And so his brothers built up all this anger inside of themselves
like a bullied nerd in high school
like a woman who’s been beaten up by her husband
one too many times
like a disgruntled employee
who is tired of being taken for granted
and one day, when Joseph came to the field
they had had it
They wanted to kill him
but instead they threw him in a pit
and when some foreigners came by,
they actually sold their brother as a slave
Then they soaked his precious royal coat
in goat’s blood and took it to their father
and told him that Joseph had been mauled by a wild animal
and Jacob was irreparably stricken with grief
The brothers thought everything would be better
with Joseph gone,
but it wasn’t…
their father never recovered from his grief
and increasingly over the years,
the brothers grew more and more guilty
not knowing how to reverse their horrible secret
Meanwhile, Joseph became a slave in Egypt
just like his ancestors
but he became a slave to Pontiphar
when Joseph’s gifts for dream interpretation were discovered
he was given a high position on Pontiphar’s staff
he was given leadership and responsibility
Then, of course, as always seems to happen
they higher they go, the harder they fall
Pontiphar’s wife thought Joseph was pretty hot
and so when Joseph refused her advances
she claimed that Joseph had attacked HER
and Joseph was thrown into prison
It’s the stuff of daytime drama, isn’t it?
Joseph was in prison for a long, long time
many years
he helped his prison mates interpret their dreams
but when the others were set free
they forgot about Joseph and their promises to put in a good word
Until finally, the Pharoah had nightmares
and someone said that there was a prisoner
who could interpet dreams
and so the Pharoah sent for him
Dreams held a lot of power back then
they were highly respected as God’s way of communicating
and also of being warnings about the future
so that people could prepare
Joseph interpreted the Pharoah’s dreams
and told him that in his dreams
it was revealed that there would be 7 years of abundance of crops
followed by 7 years of famine
and so he instructed the Pharoah to store up the excess crops
during the years of abundance
so that there would be enough during the years of famine
enough for everyone
Pharoah was so grateful to Joseph
he said to all his servants,
“Can we find anyone else like this??
One in whom is the spirit of God?”
He believed that there was no one wiser than Joseph
and so he gave Joseph the responsibility
to organize the effort of preserving the food
in anticipation of the years of famine
All the other servants were to do
as Joseph said
He gave Joseph authority over all the lands of Egypt
During that first seven years of abundance,
Joseph got married and had children
and rose in respect and leadership in Egypt
as the most wise and discerning man among them
He gathered up food for seven years,
stored up grain in every city
and the grain was so abundant
it says it was like the sands of the sea
He named his first born, Manasseh
which means, “Making to forget”
because, Joseph said,
“God has made me forget all the hardship
and all the pain of my father’s house…. “
After 7 years of abundance
just as Joseph had predicted
there were 7 years of terrible famine
throughout the lands
Jacob never got over his son’s death
and over the years, Joseph’s brothers carried that awful
life-sucking burden of guilt
because they saw what irreparable pain
they’d caused their beloved father
When Jacob’s family ran out of food
during the famine
they were desperate
They heard about this leader in Egypt
who was storing up grain
and passing it out to those in need
And so the brothers were ordered to travel to Egypt
to gather grain for their family
to get them through the famine
A lot of things happened after that
that would nicely fill a TV mini series
and be just as juicy in its deceit, conniving and manipulation
but the short of it is,
finally, Joseph’s brothers came before Joseph
looking for grain for their family
They didn’t recognize their brother
after all those years
and he being dressed up in fine clothes
and exercising power and authority
They came humble, asking for bread
from this great and powerful man
Joseph knew all along who they were
but didn’t reveal himself at first
Finally, he couldn’t take it
he broke down
he sent all his servants away
and he wailed so loudly
that the whole neighborhood heard it
Everyone in town heard it
and wondered what was going on
The brothers stood there incredibly uneasy
watching this powerful man
the only one who could feed them—
seeing him completely broken apart
Joseph looked at all his brothers
the ones who’d beaten him up, humiliated him
and sold him into slavery
he’d imagined this day many years ago
he’d imagined what he would do to them when he saw them
and now that the day came,
he didn’t do anything that he would have imagined
Instead, through his tears, and with choking sobs
he reached out his hands
and said, “I am Joseph, your brother….
tell me, please, is my father still alive?”
The brothers were dumbfounded, to say the least
they’d assumed that Joseph had long been dead
Killed in slavery somewhere along the way
They didn’t speak, they couldn’t speak
what could they possibly say???
So Joseph spoke again
“Come closer,” he said
and they did….
and he said, “I am Joseph, really.
I’m the one you sold into slavery
but don’t carry the guilt anymore
don’t beat yourselves up anymore
because you did that to me...”
And they still couldn’t speak
Because Joseph was no longer their spoiled brat brother
he’d grown up
considerably
Joseph looked back on the whole story
and saw how God had put him right where he was
so that he could go ahead of his family
and prepare the grain
prepare the harvest for this famine
so that they and their people would not starve
In the end, Joseph said to them,
“Am I in the place of God? Even though you intended to do harm to me,
God intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people….”
In other words,
Joseph could see the Big Picture
he could see that God brought good out of all the horror of his past
I’m not saying that God made Joseph’s brothers do the evil they did
or that God justified the evil they did
But that God can take the worst that humankind
can dish out, and transform it into good
Fredrick Buechner wrote that God is the great Alchemist
An alchemist was an ancient scientist who tried to take lead
and transmute it into god
and Buechner says that God takes people
who seem to be at their absolute end
who are hopeless
who are seeming degenerates and losers
and is able to transform them—us—
into something new
Joseph broke down after taking a good look at his life
his painful past and all the anger that had built up
and he’s able to trust the mystery of God
that is beyond his control
he’s willing to trust that God has a purpose for his life
that is larger than his own horizon
Walter Brueggeman writes that life with God is a much larger life
than we can imagine
life with God shatters our little categories of control,
and that God’s purposes lead us further, high
Look at your story, look at your life
We all have stories
many of which we won’t tell
some of which the rest of the town or the family
tells for us, at least their version
But if we look back in our lives
in the life of Gibbon, Nebraska
in the life of this church
in the life of our own families
in the life and history of our nation
We’ll stumble across some terrible stories
stories that embarrass us, shame us
stories that we hope don’t make it onto CNN or Fox News
because they have the power to humiliate us
but if we look at the whole story
if we look at the Big Picture
we can see ways that God has sustained us
and even prospered us
through absolutely stony roads
through times that shattered our hearts
and through bizarre ironies
and soap-opera-like stories
I’ve often said that I don’t understand why Good Friday
the day of Jesus’ horrible crucifixion
is called Good
In fact, it could be the worst day of all
the most horrifying day of all
when humankind would attempt to kill God
and yet so often in the story of Christianity
the worst news becomes the best news
Crucifixion turns into resurrection
Devastation turns into redemption
God can use it all, there is nothing that has to go to waste
Forgiveness is a powerful gift
but it’s really, really hard
in fact, most of the time, it feels humanly impossible
and maybe it is
but it wasn’t just Joseph who forgave his brothers
their long list of horrifying atrocities against him
It was God at work in him
That gave him the courage to let go of the past
to admit it was horrible, but not unredeemable
to say, ‘hey, you screwed up, I was a spoiled brat
we made a mess of things
but God took our mess and made it into an abundant crop
of grace and love and hope…’
God’s fingerprints are all over this story
and if we look at our stories, I bet we can find God’s fingerprints
all over them too
Because even at the worst of times that we believe it’s all over
God has never left us and never let go of our hand
Barbara Brown Taylor says that God isn’t a puppeteer
forcing us to do what he wants us to do
but rather, God is the Greatest Artist --
that nothing is too bent to be used
nothing is too damaged—
not bad decisions, failed relationships,
not tragedies or even plain human meanness
We are God’s living works of art
us, this church, this community, this country, this world
and when we look back at our lives
no matter how broken they are in places
we, like Joseph, can see not a series of senseless tragedies
but a winding path
that is lit by the ever-present, life-giving light of God
You and I are God’s living works of art
and the finishing touches are a long way off
Trust in the creative, sometimes amusing, but always redeeming
spirit of God in your life….
and keep on Living in that Light…

Don't Look Down

“ROCKING THE BOAT”
Matthew 14:22-33
Faith United
August 10, 2008


I used to love to watch The Road Runner cartoon
with Wyle E. Coyote
but on the other hand,
I was always so frustrated for the poor coyote
I’m sure I wasn’t alone in that
I just wanted, ONCE, for the coyote to get the roadrunner --
not kill him, mind you, just catch him!
You remember, though
the roadrunner would run straight off a cliff
keep running so fast he was running on air
and he’d always make it to the other side
The Coyote, however, would run off the cliff
stop in mid-air
his feet still running at top speed
when he made his fatal mistake --
He looked down….
Then he’d look at us with that usual expression
as if to say “oops, I did it again,”
his feet would stop spinning
and he’d fall straight down to the ground
You’d think he’d learn after a few times of that
to NOT LOOK DOWN
and that maybe, by cartoon magic,
he’d be able to keep running on air
and maybe not catch the roadrunner
but at least not plummet to earth again
Ah, but of course, that would mess up the story
if the doomed coyote didn’t keep running into disaster…

This passage makes me think of Wyle E. Coyote
call me crazy
but I wonder what would have happened in the story
if Peter DIDN’T look down
Would he have sunk? you gotta wonder
Was his mistake simply that he looked down?

When I was serving as an associate at the Aurora United Methodist Church
about 10 years ago,
I was called to the Emergency Room
at St. Francis in Grand Island
I was told that a mother and her three kids had been
in a terrible car accident
the mother had been killed
the son had already been flown to Omaha
and the two girls were
at the St. Francis Emergency room
Would I come be with them because they were scared?
They didn’t know yet, that their mother had been killed

When I got to St. Francis
the girls were in two different rooms
and both of them had to get X rays
They were in a lot of pain
and had been cut up pretty badly
Since the priority was getting the X rays first,
they hadn’t been cleaned up

Now there’s a good reason
that I am NOT the one in our family
going into nursing
I am horribly squeamish
I can’t stand the sight of blood
well, at least a lot of it at one time….
But I was the pastor of the moment
and I went into the one little girl’s room
She was covered in blood
from all her cuts and injuries
and she was terrified
So my pastoral instinct kicked in
and I talked to her, soothed her
and was able to get her to calm down
We even kidded around, and I made her giggle
I held her hand when she went in for X rays
I went back and forth between the two girls’ rooms,
visiting with each of them
At one point, I looked more closely at the one girl
she was no longer bleeding,
but they hadn’t cleaned her up yet
and there was dried blood everywhere
I thought to myself,
“wow, I’m doing pretty well!”
and that was it
It was like the coyote looking down after he runs off a cliff
All of a sudden I got light-headed, dizzy
I got hot and cold all at the same time
I was suddenly very nauseous
and I was sweating profusely

“Excuse me,” I said to the little girl
as calmly as I could
and I slipped out into the hallway
where a nurse saw me stumbling around
and pushed me down into a wheelchair
and put a cold cloth on the back of my neck
and forced my head between my knees
right out in there in the middle of the hallway
It was so embarrassing
They were all kind, of course
But I heard one nurse kind of giggle and say,
“That’s the pastor!”

When I recovered awhile later
and went back into the girl’s room
she was grinning and giggling
“You almost fainted, didn’t you?”
And for a moment in her worst day ever
she could laugh at the crazy preacher
who almost fainted in the hallway…

I remember one woman in one of my congregations
tell me that this was her least favorite Jesus story
the story of Jesus walking on the water
I mean, what is that? she said
What does that have to do with me?
What good does it do me that Jesus can walk on water?
and how can I possibly relate to that?
It’s a good fairy tale, she said
but I don’t get it
what does that have to do with real life?

She had a point
and in fact, she wasn’t the only person over the years
to share that opinion with me
What was the point of Jesus walking on water?
I mean, now we use the expression, 'oh, he just thinks she walks on water'
to mean that somebody thinks the world of another person
and they can do no wrong in someone’s eyes
but aside from giving us a catchy little image
what does this story have to do with everyday life?
What do I care that Jesus walked on water?

Well, first of all,
it was a big day already
Jesus had just fed five thousand men
plus women and children on the hillside
with a few loaves and a couple of fish
So the day was already a bit outrageous and unbelievable
but then Jesus sends the disciples away
I guess he needed a breather from all the people
He puts the disciples into a boat
and sends them out onto the sea

Surely he knew there was going to be a storm
I mean, this is Jesus
why did he send the disciples out onto the water
when he must have known a storm was coming?
Surely he saw the thunderheads building
What was he thinking?

Anyway, Jesus went up the mountain to pray
which was also not a good place to be in a thunderstorm
but when he gets back down the mountain
he looks out on the water and sees his poor buddies
holding on for dear life to the side of the boat
some of them retching, probably, from sea-sickness
but they were terrified
thinking for sure they were going to die
The boat was being battered by the waves
the wind was horrible
the rain was blinding them
and they couldn’t get anywhere,
as the wind was against them
Early in the morning,
it says the disciples saw Jesus walking on the stormy waves
only they didn’t know it was Jesus
Why would they know it was Jesus?
Who would expect to look up and see their best friend
strolling across the surface of the sea?
Some of them screamed with terror
“It’s a ghost!” someone said
Which under the circumstances, wasn’t all that far-fetched
I mean, remember, we’re not talking about modern thinkers here
back then, in that culture
the sea was already a frightening place to be,
storm or not storm
The ancient peoples believed that the sea
was the mysterious home of demonic forces
It was that place on earth where chaos still reigned
and had power
they believed that evil spirits lived in the sea
and what else did they have to explain
these terrible storms
that threatened people’s lives?
They weren’t meteorologists or scientists
and most everything that was terrifying
and life-threatening
was explained by the presence of evil spirits

So, of course they thought they saw a ghost
They thought one of the demons of the sea
was coming to get them
But Jesus yells out across the winds and the waves
“Chill out! It’s me! Don’t be afraid…”
or something along those lines…
Peter wiped the water out of his eyes
and pushed back his wet hair

“Jesus!” he screamed into the tumult
“If it IS you, then command me to come to you on the water.”
Now that was a little weird…
Why would he say that?
Why didn’t he say, “Hey, Jesus, if it really IS you,
why don’t you stop this crazy storm so we can talk?”
or better yet, “Jesus, if it really IS you, then prove it,
tell me what I had for breakfast!”
But no,
Peter is the bumbling lug of the group
He says, “let me come to you on the water, if it’s really you.”
I can imagine Jesus suppressing a smile
when he said, “Ok, Peter, fine. Come here.”
Peter, the crazy one
who was always speaking before he thought
saying the first thing that came to his mind
like a little kid
Peter, always stumbling over himself
to impress Jesus
trying to look cool
when inside he was really terrified
Peter, who confessed
on Caesarea Phillipi that Jesus was the Messiah
when in reality, he had no idea what he was saying,
or what it meant…
but he said it!
Jesus, c’mon, make me walk on water!!
he says in the midst of a major storm

“Ok,” Jesus said, “come here, Peter.”
And that crazy Peter gets out of the boat
into that place of chaos and horror
that place where demons were said to dwell
and like a little kid just learning to walk
he put one foot in front of the other
and started strutting his stuff toward Jesus
Look at me! Ha! I’m doing it! his face must have said
and then he made his mistake --
like me in the emergency room,
or Wyle E. Coyote in mid-air
Peter LOOKED DOWN

I can’t even imagine what he would’ve said
when he looked down
because I don’t know what the common cuss words were
back in 30 A.D.
but I bet Peter said them
And then he said,
“Help Jesus! Save me!!”
as the water came up to his chest
and he swallowed some sea salt
Jesus immediately reached out his hand
grabbed Peter’s hand in a firm grip
and pulled him up, and over into the boat
where Peter collapsed in a soggy heap
panting and trying to catch his breath
His face pale and his eyes wide
Jesus then stepped into the boat
as if he were simply getting in from the shore
and looked at the soggy mass of Peter and said,
“You of little faith! Why did you doubt?”

And the winds died down
the sea was calm
and in the quiet, they could suddenly hear the splash of the water
against the side of the boat
as it settled down again
Why did you doubt?
It’s kind of a dumb question,
no offense to Jesus
but hey, he doubted because no one can walk on water!
At least that THEY knew of…
You step out of the boat on the stormy sea
and yeah, common sense says you’re going to go swimming!
Not strutting around like you’re on the red carpet!
Why did he doubt?—what kind of question is that?
In fact, it’s not fair
people have used this passage, this response of Jesus
to chastise themselves
for not having enough faith
They believe their child died
because they didn’t have enough faith
or that they were injured in a car accident
because they didn’t have enough faith
or that God didn’t answer their prayers
to heal their loved one from cancer
because the one praying didn’t have enough faith

We can torture ourselves with guilt
Why WOULDN’T Peter doubt?
Why wouldn’t WE doubt when we see someone we love
lying in a hospital bed
attached to tubes and machines
not looking at all like the person we love?
Why wouldn’t WE doubt when day after day
senseless war goes on and on and on
and there seems to be no end to it?
Why wouldn’t WE doubt when there are so many things at stake
in this upcoming election
and candidates are reduced to insulting each other
like children on a playground?
Why wouldn’t WE doubt
when there’s just not enough money to pay for everything?

I don’t think Jesus was scolding Peter for doubting
his ability to walk on water
Because Jesus knows that in fact,
we are walking on water all the time
When someone we love dies
getting out of bed in the morning
feels as difficult as walking on water
When we get a frightening diagnosis
going about our lives each day
doing normal everyday things
feels like trying to walk on water
When 9/11 happened
I really didn’t want to be a pastor that week
Like everyone else, I was scared and shocked and grieved
it felt like the world was falling apart
But I was the pastor,
I had to comfort my people
when I felt like I wanted someone to comfort ME
to tell me that we’d get through this
Walking into church that Sunday morning,
5 days after the Twin Towers fell
and having to preach a message to a jam-packed room
full of shocked and broken people
THAT felt like I was being asked to step out
and walk on water…
It felt that impossible
It felt like all of us were in a boat that was being rocked
and thrown around on the sea
we couldn’t get our bearings
we couldn’t feel solid ground beneath us

Why did you doubt, Peter? Jesus asked him
when it really seemed like a dumb question
but I don’t think Jesus was scolding Peter
I think maybe in that moment, he saw Peter for who he truly was
he saw a man willing to step out of the boat
in the midst of a storm
He saw a man willing to say, “I think you’re the Messiah,”
when he was just an uneducated fishermen
with no degrees in theology
He saw a man who would do anything for Jesus
even step out onto the water
just because he loved Jesus that much
He also saw a man who would deny him
when the storms got too heavy
when he was up against it
and he was literally scared to death

He saw a man with great capacity for love and strength
and also a man who could be weak and afraid
He saw Peter the Rock, the one on whom he could build a church
but a man who couldn’t necessarily walk on water
because he was a man
who got scared, who knew incredible pain
but could also turn pain into strength
I think he truly loved Peter in that moment,
He saw in him the balance of strength and weakness
power and vulnerability

“Why did you doubt, Peter?”
and yet he saw that with the ability to doubt
the ability to be afraid and weak
Peter would also be able to be the Rock
whom others would lean on into the future…

What if Peter HADN’T sunk?
What if he magically strutted across that water
and started a little two-step with Jesus
out there on the waves?
What if all the disciples did it?
What if they all jumped out and started running around
on the water, chasing each other
and starting a game of touch football?

It’d be an impressive story
really amazing, actually
but then it wouldn’t be a story about US
Because the truth is,
sometimes we have great moments
when we shine and blossom and thrive
Times that we show incredible strength
when we do great things for others or the world
and have great gifts
Times, like the road runner,
when we are walking quite successfully on air

But there are many other times
when we simply SINK
when we can’t get our bearings,
when we can’t see where we’re going
when it feels like the world has ended
and we don’t know how to keep walking
when it feels like the ground beneath is
is nothing but water

And it’s those times,
when we are slapped in the face
with the harsh reality
that we are only human
that we are not gods
and that if we’re going to get up again
if we’re going to simply put one foot in front of the other
or get out of bed another day
we need help
We need to reach out to the One who made us
the one who is always giving us life and strength
and hope and love
The one who CAN walk on water,
if need be
to come save us, to come get us back on our feet
and give us the power to be the gracious, loving force in the world
that is so desperately needed

Sometimes I confess I wish Jesus would leave me alone
let me just sink when I feel like sinking
and he does, but he doesn’t go very far away
He’s always there, waiting for me to reach out a hand
to surrender, to trust
that he can get me on my feet again
and by his grace we can all face the demonic forces in the world
we can all stand tall against the winds and the rains
and not let them take over
not let them destroy us

Jesus gives us the power and the faith
to stand against evil
and everything that frightens us
or makes us want to give up and let the waters roll over us
No, I’m glad Peter sunk
that he couldn’t walk on water
because I can’t either
and this story wouldn’t help me much
unless Peter was just like me
Scared but willing to step out of the boat
not knowing when the next big wave will hit
but knowing that I don’t walk alone
WE don’t walk alone

Why did Peter and the disciples get into the boat in the first place
on a stormy day?
To get to the other side
Because evil and horror and pain and loss
are not the final word of the story
Jesus calls all of us to come forward
to step out, one step at a time
against all odds
so that we, too, can get to the other side
The side of love, compassion, peace,
joy, freedom, and all the wonderful things that God
wants the world to know
Just remember to keep your eyes on the horizon
keep your eyes looking there for Jesus
and whatever you do,
DON'T LOOK DOWN

The Traveler Unknown

“LIVING TO TELL ABOUT IT”
Genesis 32:22-31
Faith United
August 3, 2008


I think I may have mentioned before
that when I’m going through something difficult
or downright painful,
I hate it if someone says to me,
“it must be God’s will….”
Because if God wants me to suffer like that,
then that doesn’t endear me to God
Or someone will say, “There’s a reason for this,
and you’ll know it later…”
or “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger…”
Of course that’s true, usually,
but when you’re in the midst of hell
it just doesn’t help
to hear that well, this pain will make you stronger
because right now it just feels lousy, awful
and there’s just no seeing the light at the end of the tunnel

Sometimes the best thing to do when someone is in terrible pain
is just to hold them, hug them,
just be there
because sometimes there are just no words to help

I’ve said before that Jacob is one my favorite characters
in the Bible
even though most of the time he’s a real jerk
There’s some comfort in the fact
that if God can redeem this jerk,
than certainly there’s hope for me, you know?
Even his name, Jacob, meant “jerk”
well, not literally,
Jacob means, “supplanter, deceiver, cheater….”
like his mother knew what she was giving birth to!
He was always trying to get ahead
by lying, cheating, manipulating, taking advantage
of his own father and brother
this man had no shame….
He tricked his father while his father was lying on his death bed
tricked him into giving him the blessing that belongs
to the first born, which would have been Esau
Which goes to show the power of words in that culture
because Isaac couldn’t take the blessing back
from his deceiving younger son Jacob
it was too late,
Esau was cheated out of his birthright
by his sneaky, conniving little brother

So since Esau was a big brute of a guy,
Jacob ran for his life, went off to live with Uncle Laban for awhile
until his brother cooled off
He stayed with Laban about 14 years
Turns out conniving and manipulating behavior ran in the family
and Jacob got a lot of his own medicine
at the hands of his Uncle
For 14 years, it like a contest between Uncle and nephew
to see who could cheat the other out of more
until Jacob couldn’t take it anymore
One last time, before he left
he stole some of his uncle’s property
and took it with him when he snuck away
Jacob was not one to face up to anyone
He was not one to communicate directly
instead, he snuck around, lied, cheated
and took everyone he knew for a ride
When he dealt with God, he was always trying to bargain
You do this for me, God, and I’ll do that for you --
He was an arrogant son of a gun ….
He simply could not be trusted
But one day he decided it’d be easier to face
his incredible hulk of a brother finally
than to keep on being taken by his Uncle year after year
So he sets out with all his property, all his wives and children
and even then, he has some audacity
He sends his wives, children and servants
ahead of him
along with his livestock
thinking that he can bargain his way into Esau’s good graces
If nothing else, he figures if Esau kills all the people and animals
ahead of him, maybe he’ll be too tired to kill Jacob
when he arrives
Again, Jacob has no regard for anyone but himself
I told you, he’s just an arrogant jerk
nobody else would see any redeeming quality in this guy

Finally, he sends everyone on ahead, across the river
and sleeps alone, isolated by the River Jabbok
feeling, perhaps, that he’s shielded from Esau
by all the people and animals that he sent ahead of himself
He had heard that Esau was coming toward him
but that Esau wasn’t alone
he had 400 men with him
and that was enough to strike fear into the heart of this conniver
401 against one didn’t seem like favorable odds
and maybe Jacob finally knew he’d met his match
(One can only hope)

But something strange happened that night
again, it seems like strange things always happen at night ….
He was left completely alone
no possessions, no people to shield him from any danger
Then out of nowhere comes a man
a strong man
that attacks him in the dark
He can’t see his face, but he can feel his strength and power
They wrestle all night
and Jacob proves to be quite a match for his attacker
So the attacker strikes him in a vulnerable place
and essentially knocks his hip out of joint
Even in extraordinary pain,
Jacob won’t let go
again, he’s a hard headed son of a gun
And the stranger said,
“Let me go, for day is breaking…”
And Jacob says a weird thing
Despite the incredible pain he must be in
he says through gritted teeth,
“I will not let you go until you bless me…”
That’s all he ever wanted
was a blessing
He just wanted to be blessed by his father
even his uncle, and his brother
but he always got in his own way
of receiving that blessing

Seems strange that such an arrogant man
would now be pleading for a blessing
He had tricked Esau out of his birthright with a pot of stew
he fooled his father into blessing him
but apparently a stolen blessing wasn’t enough
he knew it wasn’t real
that it didn’t really belong to him after all
because having gotten it,
it no longer felt like a blessing
it was another empty prize for his cunning skills
but it didn’t bless him after all

“Bless me,” he says through gritted teeth
sweating through the pain,
almost sick with pain
feeling a cold sweat
but still holding on…
“What is your name?” the mystery man asked
as if he didn’t know

“My name is Jacob…” he said
My name is Deceiver, my name is Cheater, Manipulator,
in other words
In ancient times, names were very, very important
They revealed the person’s character
The self was reflected in the name
and therefore had great power

“What is your name?” the stranger asked
in other words, “who are you? What are you?”
What is your name?

Then the man said,
“You shall no longer be called Jacob,
but you are Israel, for you have striven with God
and with humans and have prevailed…”
In other words,
you are no longer Jacob,
tonight you are transformed
you are no longer the Cheater, the Conniver
but you are Israel,
which means, “God rules…”

“Tell my YOUR name,” an exhausted Jacob says
“Why do you want to know my name?” the stranger asks
And without waiting for an answer,
he blessed Jacob, who was now Israel
and then he disappeared
For to tell Jacob his own name,
would be to give Jacob power over him,
and the stranger would not allow Jacob
the power that everyone else had handed over to him
all those years
And an exhausted, sweaty man named Israel now
got up and winced in pain
from the sharp pain in his hip
He would now forever walk with a limp
because of his wrestling match with the stranger
but somehow he didn’t care anymore
that he would bear that scar

He named the place “Peniel,” which means, “the face of God,”
because, he said, “I have seen God face to face,
and lived to tell about it…”
because it was an ancient belief
that one could not look upon the face of God
and live
because God was that powerful
and here Jacob Now Israel
came face to face with God
and survived ---
Sort of
He wasn’t the same,
He wasn’t Jacob anymore
he wasn’t a jerk anymore

“What is your name?” the stranger had asked him
because all his life
Jacob had lied about who he was
he was always trying to be who he wasn’t
All his life he hurt other people all along the way
to get what he wanted
and it was never enough
But in all his arrogance, he’d come face to face with God
and met his match
and was humbled
reminded that he was just a man
a lying one at that
and he had the limp, as a scar to remind him of that night
when he realized he wasn’t what he thought he was
and yet God blessed him
made him someone greater than he really was

That morning, he gathered his family
and went on ahead of them
to meet his brother Esau and the 400 men with him
he bowed to the ground seven times before his brother
which must have really blown Esau away
to see this new brother, this new, humble, gracious brother
And Esau ran to his little brother
and wept on his neck, it says
the two embraced, weeping
Then Jacob insisted that Esau receive the gifts he brought for him
because he said, “seeing your face is like seeing the face of God.”
The face that haunted him all these years
the face that haunted him growing up
because Esau always got what Jacob wanted
and he hated him for it
and then the face that he feared most of all
because he knew that Esau could kill him with his bare hands
and that he deserved it
Now that same face
feels to him like the very face of God
of grace and mercy
the face of love….

Who was the stranger?
Some say it was an angel
Some say it was God himself
The text never really says for sure
but only hints that the being was divine
and whoever it was,
somehow Jacob knew that this person
could give him what he always longed for
but couldn’t gain for himself
no matter how conniving and masterful he was
at playing the Game

In our world,
we hate weakness
We hate failure or frailty or struggle
We try to appear strong and in control
because that’s what is valued in our world
to be the Dominating force
to be the Winner, the Intimidator
Yet here we are, in a nation that has the largest, most powerful
military force the world has ever known
and yet we living in more fear than ever
We have POWER
We have technology
and none of it makes up for the longings of the human soul
We are unhappier, more frustrated, more in despair as a people
than ever
All that power doesn’t make us happy or
make us feel more secure
Jacob is blessed, finally, not for winning,
but for enduring the struggle
he doesn’t win the fight
he is left with a permanent scar—a limp
Endurance is surviving the worst
knowing that we have survived
And finally, when it’s all over,
we realize that the struggle brings out the best in us
We can’t know that when we’re in the midst of it
when we’re in the throes of the darkest night
when the agony is at its deepest
but somehow we hang on, we hang in there
as if we believe that it is eternally worthwhile
to press on for that blessing
Struggle leaves us scarred
You may not be able to SEE the scars
of what we’ve endured
but they are there
Human struggle burns off all the stuff that isn’t worthwhile
It fires us down to our real size
and reveals who we really are
I hate it
I won’t glorify pain and struggle
Some people do
Some people glorify suffering
as if suffering itself is a virtue
but I don’t think that’s true
I don’t think God wants suffering
but God knows that suffering and pain
are a by-product of living in this crazy world
and so God is able to use our suffering
to shape us into the people that we are
Isn’t it true that when you’re in agony or grief or despair
you don’t want anyone around who hasn’t Been There
who hasn’t sufferered
who doesn’t bear any scars
I had a woman who had a hysterectomy tell me,
“Peggy, I’m sorry, but if you’ve never had surgery,
there is no way you can understand how I feel…”
And it’s true
I cannot claim to know the physical pain
of recovering from surgery
And someone who has never lost a loved one
simply can’t know the agony and grief
of someone who has
They can care, they can have sympathy
but they can’t really understand
and when I’m up against it
when I’m in the middle of the darkest night
I want someone with me
who has known just how dark the night can get
I don’t want someone who’s going to be sunshiney
and cheerful
and tell me that God has a reason for my agony
That’s not helpful
and that certainly doesn’t endear me to God…
We will all struggle
if we’re alive at all, especially if we have a heart,
we will struggle, we will know pain in this world
because it can be a very painful place to be
Jacob had left his old land
and was headed to a place where he had no idea
what would happen to him
So that night at the river Jabbok,
he was in that in-between place
he had nothing but himself
nothing was there to be able to hide behind
He came face to face with who he was
“Hi, my name is Jacob, and I am a jerk.
I’m a deceiver, a liar, a cheater.”
He had to face himself before he could be any better
than he was
before he could get a new name
before he could receive a blessing
that he didn’t work for….
before he could learn about the absolute grace and mercy
of God who finds us in the darkest of nights
and doesn’t leave us alone
God ambushes us and our lives with new chances
to begin again
You are no longer Jacob
the liar, the cheater, the supplanter
Now, you are Israel
You are strong, in the ways that count
You are one who has striven with God and endured….
You are a new person
We can’t know in the midst of the struggle
that we will survive,
and if we remember where our help comes from,
we will not only survive,
but we will be stronger
scarred, maybe, but stronger
we may walk with a limp
to remind ourselves that we are only human
that we are breakable…
but also, that we are allowed to come face to face
with the one who made us
and therefore loves us
and believes in us
and is always working to make us better than we are
not by might or power or being the winner
but by being the humble, gracious people of God
who know that we can’t be who we are
without relying on the mercy and love of God our creator
We are still here
No matter what we’ve been through,
we are here, perhaps looking for a blessing we can’t name
and trusting that God will find us in our darkness
to give us what we need to live
No matter what we’ve face or are facing
we are here, we have endured so far
and we can trust that when we reach out
into the darkness
not knowing what we’ll find ahead
God will take our hand
and lead us through
that no one can do it for us
but by the grace of God we will all find our way home
and finally receive the blessing
we’ve hungered for all our lives
And we will have lived to tell about it

Good Times Never Seemed So Good

"The room is suddenly still and when you'd almost bet you could hear yourself sweat... he walks in..." (Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show)

I thought it'd be fun. To see Neil Diamond in concert again. I mean, he is getting older, how many more opportunities will I have before he gets too tired to tour? I've loved him for 31 years. His music is a major part of the soundtrack of my life, beginning at 12 years old. Neil Diamond: Live at the Greek, TV special. 1977.
I fought alot with my brother Stan, the youngest of my three brothers, because he was closest in age to me. But the thing that connected me and Stan was music. He loved music, and had a wide variety of record albums in his collection. He spent hours in his room, listening. Savoring. He was picky, too, in his tastes. It had to be quality.
Stan also had a way of finding music to fit the person. So in one of his more generous, less annoying-brother moments, he suggested I watch The Live at the Greek Concert. He thought I might like Neil Diamond. He even watched it with me.
Ohmygosh. I was mesmerized. Maybe it was Neil Diamond's drama and intensity. Even if I didn't know what "Holly Holy" meant, Neil sang it with such drama that you believed it meant something really deep and important. He's a poet. Like me. He was intense. Like me. He was passionate. His music became my own expression through my teenage years...."I've got an emptiness deep inside, and I've tried, but it won't let me go..." (I Am I Said)

So I thought it'd be fun to see him in concert. I'd gone to see him with my parents (nobody else my age would dare be seen at a Neil Diamond concert in 1982), and he was AWESOME. Dad had to leave the stadium a few times to adjust the cotton in his ears, but I was euphoric. 1982. 26 years ago.

I'm 43 years old now. I have a lot of musical interests-- still a lot of "old men" in the repertoire-- but Neil has always been up there all these years.

I went with a few girlfriends, and a busload of people. I was one of the younger ones on the bus, but I was heartened to see a few teenage boys in the crowd.

I knew I was excited. I just didn't know how.

When Neil came out on the stage, I audibly gasped. Ohmygosh. I felt like a little girl, or a half-crazed-in-love 17 year old adolescent all over again. I was surprised at the spontaneous thrill that went through me, and before I could think about it, I was DANCING, clapping, singing, screaming. It was nuts. The music, music I knew by heart, word for word, from hours and hours of listening alone in my room while writing poems of adolescent angst.. it was wonderful. For two hours, I lost all inhibition, all self-consciousness of being 43 years old and how to act. This was NEIL. 26 years later, he was just as good.

"Eyes black as coal, and when he lifts his face, every ear in the place.. is on him.."

I bumped my friend next to me, dancing, singing, screaming, waving my fists in the air, singing along, and let myself be carried up on the waves of the music of my life. Music that gave me joy when I felt sorrow. Music that expressed lonliness that I couldn't put into words myself. Songs sung blue, that made me feel better, more connected, more alive. Though it sounds cliche, it was like coming home. Remembering who I am, remembering my basic love of words, music, passion and the power of it all put together. Ohmygosh, for two hours I was in another world of such intense joy, fun, and intensity, I thought I'd never land again. And that was ok. It was Neil.

He played my whole life for me.. I could attach memories to songs, to years, right up to the present. I remembered the importance of that music. How often it was a lifeline, a sermon, a release. I wondered what it felt to have that much power, to know that millions of people knew words that you wrote, by heart, could sing them back to you in a stadium of 15,000 people. What a rush! He can't possibly know each story in that stadium, and the many others he'll be visiting. The stories like mine, of how music, HIS music, shaped a poet's heart and words and gave her hope and life. So many stories in that room, that night. Why we were there. What we brought, what we took away from it. What that one life on that stage meant to each of us, and the gifts that he gave us. That night and throughout many years.

It was good for my soul. Good for my heart. A Nestea plunge for my spirit, after a very harsh year. Remember the music. The music is always there. The music goes on, long past the lives that create it, and add to the ongoing eternal stream of it. Someday Neil will be too old to belt out his classics for two solid hours, night after night, city after city, across the world. But we won't forget. The music will still go on. Younger ones, like my own daughter, will find joy and passion in the same music, and wish she could hear it live. That's a gift. When someone with heart and soul comes along and adds their notes to the song that goes on.

Thanks Neil, for inspiring me to write, to rise above pain and put it to music. Thanks for the soundtrack of my life. Thanks for the music.

Play on, Man.

“THE PROMISE LAND”
Genesis 28:10-19a
Faith United
July 20, 2008


Have you ever made a bargain with God?
We see it all the time on TV
God, if you’ll just do this for me,
I promise I’ll…. I’ll go to church
or send money to the Red Cross
or… or… I’ll just be a really good person…
I’m sure I’ve done it,
I think everybody has

Sometimes, though, the bargain goes the other way
If God doesn’t answer someone’s prayer
then the bargainer gives up on God completely
I’ve come to think it’s pretty manipulative
to bargain with God
First of all, God never says yes to the bargain
and yet we still hold him to it
because surely God wants to give us everything we want, right?
And if we don’t get what we want,
well, we’re not very nice sometimes
But you know, when you’re really desperate,
you do things that you never thought you’d do
When someone is sick
and you would do anything to make them well
When someone is dying
and you’d give your own life to spare theirs
When a son or daughter goes off to war
you’d give anything to make sure they came home safely

One of my professors in seminary
once told the story of when his daughter was little
and he was tucking her in at night
He read her a story
and then as he finished,
he said she lay there with her arms outstretched
a slight smile on her face
and her eyes closed
He said her name out loud to see if she was still awake
and she said, with her eyes still closed,
“Shh, Daddy, I’m melting like an ice cube…”

And he said what a beautiful image that was
of falling… asleep
Melting
Falling asleep, he said,
is a vulnerable thing to do
because you have no control over what happens to you
while you’re asleep
It takes trust to let go, to melt, into sleep
You’re at the mercy of your dreams
you’re at the mercy of the person entrusted to take care of you
Falling asleep, melting, is like just letting go
and saying, “it’s ok, I’m ok, the world is ok for now
I can go to sleep…”
She trusted her Daddy to take care of things while she slept ….

Jacob is one of my favorite Old Testament characters
I’m not exactly sure why
because most of the time he was a real jerk
His very name, Jacob, means “striver, hustler, supplanter…”
He was one of the twins born to Rebekah
Even when Jacob and his brother Esau were in the womb
they were making their mother miserable
fighting to be the first one out
because the first born child
received a special blessing
They were making her so miserable
that Rebekah asked to die rather than to go on like this
with these wrestling babies in her womb!
God said to her that two nations were in her womb,
two peoples butting heads
and one will overpower the other, finally
the older will serve the younger
So, really, from before he was born,
God has promised to bless the younger,
which turned out to be Jacob
When the twins were born,
Esau came out first
but Jacob had a hold of Esau’s heel
and so he was named Jacob, which also means “heel”

Jacob was always trying to get ahead
Esau was a big, hairy strong guy
He was always picked first for the team at school
He was the star athlete
Esau was his father’s favorite
and Jacob knew it
Esau was born having it made
as the first born son of Isaac
Everything came easily to him
Jacob had to work extra hard
to get what he wanted, to get his father’s attention
because he was kind of scrawny
maybe the other kids called him a wimp
and couldn’t understand how he could be the twin brother
of that big burly guy Esau….

Jacob, if anything,
would have been voted Class clown in high school
he was the prankster, the conniver
the sneak
Always figuring out how to get ahead,
to get one over on someone else
especially his own brother who didn’t seem to appreciate
how good he had it
So Jacob learned to manipulate his way through life
When Esau came home from the fields hungry,
Jacob said he’d only give him some food he was cooking
if Esau handed over his birthright
Well, Esau was big in brawn, and not too swift in the head
so he said, sure, whatever, I’m starving to death,
what do I need a birthright for?
So Jacob fed him, pretty pleased with himself
But it really wasn’t up to either of them
who received the birthright,
legally it went to Esau as the firstborn
So when their father Isaac lay dying,
Jacob’s mother worked with Jacob to fool Isaac
into blessing Jacob instead
Close to death, Isaac couldn’t see clearly at all
So Rebekah dressed Jacob up
covered him in animal skins
so that he would be hairy
when Isaac touched him
and would therefore believe he was Esau
And so the plan worked,
Isaac blessed Jacob instead, with the blessing of the firstborn
giving him everything
Of course, when Esau found out about it,
he turned into the Incredible Hulk … well, not literally
but he was really mad
So mad his parents thought he would kill his younger brother Jacob
So they sent him away
to go stay with his Uncle for awhile
until Esau’s rage calmed down
They thought maybe it would be a few weeks,
and it turned out to be many years ….

And so Jacob is on the run
from his big brother
the one who got everything so easily
Jacob could never live up to Esau in his father’s eyes
He would never had all that Esau had
and it burned him
He worked so hard to get what he didn’t deserve
he seemed to believe that if he just worked hard enough
or did things just right
he could get everything he wanted
He could get his father’s love
he could get his father’s blessing
he could manipulate and get whatever he needed

But now he’s a fugitive on the run
He may have gotten his father’s blessing
but it didn’t mean much, now
as he’s running for his life
Finally, after traveling a long time
after looking back, checking every angle
to make sure Esau was not on his tail
he was exhausted
and made camp at Haran
He put a stone at his head
for protection
and lay down to sleep
Maybe he was leery of laying down
in case Esau was lurking about
but finally he had no choice
He was so tired,
he just melted into a deep sleep
from sheer exhaustion

He had the weirdest dream
He dreamed of a stairway to heaven
starting on the earth and reaching up into the skies
and on that stairway were angels
some were going up the stairway
and others were coming down
he’d probably seen stairways just like it
on his travels
for at that time, there were divided stone staircases
leading from the city down to the city’s water source
one side for going up and one side for going down
so the stairway in his dream was probably like
one he’d seen along the way

In the dream,
God… yeah, God The God…
was standing right next to him
it doesn’t say what God looked like
If he was an old bearded man with long white robes
or if he looked more like George Burns
or maybe Morgan Freeman
But somehow, in the dream,
God was standing next to him
and saying to him, as if it were a normal thing to do
to have a conversation with God,
“I am God,” he said, (just in case Jacob hadn’t recognized him, I guess),
“I’m the God of Abraham your father and the God of Isaac
I’m giving you the ground on which you are sleeping
I’m giving it to you and to your descendents
Your descendents will be like the dust of the earth
they’ll stretch from East to West and from North to South
All the families of the earth will bless themselves in you
and your descendents
Yes
I will stay with you, I will protect you wherever you are
and I’ll bring you back to this very ground
I’ll stick with you until I’ve done everything I promised you.”

Whoa.
Jacob woke up,
and at first he didn’t move
he looked around to see if God was still standing
next to him, but saw nothing
He was a little shaky
and everything felt different
everything looked different
though he couldn’t explain it
He looked around at the land he laid on
and he said, “God is in this place, God is here… truly
I didn’t even know it!”

And as one can imagine, he was terrified
I mean, it’s not everyday you come face to face with God
I imagine it might be a little intimidating
“Incredible,” he whispered, looking around at the beauty
of the early morning
“Wonderful. Holy…. this is God’s House,
This is the Gate of Heaven.”
He was terrified and exhilarated all at once
He got up and rolled the stone at his head
so that it was standing upright
he took some oil out of his pouch
some oil that his mother had given him
and poured it on the stone, consecrating it
as an altar to God
And he named the place, “Beth-el”
which means, “God’s house”

But Jacob didn’t have a major transformation that day
he still had a very long way to go
Before he left, he said out loud,
“If God stands by me and protects me on this journey
if God keeps me in food and clothing
and brings me back in one piece to my father’s house
THIS God will be my God…”
Even then, Jacob is still making a deal
Even then, he makes promises that are conditional
upon God’s behavior toward him
If you do what I want, God, then I’ll worship you
but if not, the deal’s off

He still had a lot to learn
Jacob still believed that he could control his destiny
he still believed that getting what he wanted and needed
depended entirely on him and what he achieved
He thought he was in control
He missed the point
that God came to him when he was most vulnerable
when he was asleep
and therefore defenseless
when he couldn’t interrupt God
or contradict him
He could’ve learned then
that God has always wanted to bless him
that God told his mother that Jacob would be blessed
and yet all his life he fought for that blessing
not knowing that it was a gift
and you can’t earn a gift
Jacob believed that nothing would happen
unless he made it happen
and yet if you read his whole story
he really messed things up for a long time
trying to be the one in control
Trying to make deals
to get ahead
trying to climb that ladder to heaven
and yet he kept falling off

If only he’d stop trying so hard
he’d discover that God wanted to bless him all along
and all he had to do was open his arms
and let go
To trust
like a child falling asleep in her parent’s arms
trusting that they will not drop her
but that they will care for her
and give her what she needs even in sleep

Do you dream?
Do you have dreams?
Maybe, like me, you’ve had dreams that didn’t come true
maybe you tried climbing the ladder to what you thought
would be heaven
but you just couldn’t get there
you kept falling off
and you didn’t understand why God didn’t give you
what you thought you needed in order to be happy
Maybe, like me, you’ve learned time and time again
that you’re not the one in control
and that we don’t always understand what’s going on
and we can’t always see the good
in the place where we are
God wanted to bless Jacob all along
Jacob didn’t have to work so hard to make that happen
God would bless him
but that blessing would be a gift,
it’s not something Jacob could achieve on his own
or manipulate
this time, he wasn’t in control
he had to give that up,
surrender, open his arms
and let God take over

Jacob would have to trust
that God knew what he was doing
and I assure you, that was really, really hard
But even when he was thickest in the head
Jacob had that dream to remember
where God promised to give him everything he needed
God promised to never leave him
no matter what happened
Jacob would not be alone
And so Jacob, through all his striving
and losing and learning and stumbling
and rising again
he remembered that Dream that God gave him
silly and simple as it might have seemed to others
he never forgot that dream

We have dreams all along the way
but the only dreams that last
are the ones that God gives us
We may dream of climbing that ladder
only to find ourselves stuck
no matter what we do, no matter how hard we try
We may dream of getting that blessing we long for
of proving ourselves
of achieving something important
of making enough money to keep from worrying
But the only good dreams come from God
the only good dreams are a gift
and not something we can control
Finding that person who will love you for better for worse,
for richer for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
till death parts you

The dream of being able to see beauty all around you
in the people near you
the dream of finding joy in your work
of having a friend who will stick with you through it all
good and bad
when you’re at your best and even at your worst

God is most able to get to us
when all our defenses are down
when we’ve reached bottom and we've given up
being able to do it on our own
or in the middle of the night
when it seems like we come face to face
with everything we’ve been able to run from
during the day

Jacob didn’t get what he deserved
He was a liar, a cheat, a manipulator, and a deceiver
he didn’t get what he deserved
he got a blessing instead
one he couldn’t have ever gotten on his own
Yet God never gives up on him
and God makes him a blessing
forever
The God of Abraham, Isaac and JACOB….
The God who works best when we let go
trust enough to fall into his arms
and make us into the people he would have us to be
People who walk on this earth
but can catch glimpses of heaven
people who see something beyond
what is right in front of our eyes
people who dream of something outrageously better
more beautiful,
and seemingly impossible
People who dream God’s dreams…..