healing

laying on the couch
he jumps onto my middle
pushing, nesting
turning around to get settled

his tail brushes my face
making me sneeze
his butt near my nose
while deciding how to lay

thump
he drops suddenly
on my chest
deciding my breasts
make good pillows

after looking straight
into my eyes
as if to declare himself
and his presence

he licks my shirt
just over my collarbone
his rough tongue
making swishing noises on fabric

and he purrs

his breath
the same as always
assaults me
with images

a little girl
on her bed
in her refuge
a room with clouds and sky blue

sitting
alone
still in her nightgown
sunlight coming in the window

a kitten
nestles in her lap
purring, nestling, snuggling
licking a spot of fabric

a moment
in memory
one cat of many
along the way

her heart aches
in the stillness
the cherished silence
and peace

other cats she remembers
high in skyscraper-tall trees
howling, moaning
trapped for days
nothing she could do

helpless

the howl that night
that pierced the darkness
outside her window
"it's nothing," her mama said

the next day
her cat, dead
the custodian next door
wanted to toss the body

cats
black and white
gray
and carmel-colored

caught in the crossfire
of teenage rage
picked up and
punted across the room

boys longing for freedom
to be, just be
to run, to defy, to shake their fists
to break these chains

cats absorbing the violence
growing wild
fighting outside
coming back with terrible wounds

little girl lonely
music filling her bedroom
carrying her to a neverland
of peace and safety

cat nuzzling, licking
hiding in the safety
outside the child's womb
a moment

my daughter says
the cat's breath stinks
but nestled against my neck
I smell him

soft, groomed, purring
safe from the outside
safe from horrors unspoken
safe to live a long life

a reminder now
that I am safe
I am loved
and no longer

alone