What I Learned When I Turned 40

I used to be in the category of "young pastors" in the United Methodist Church. It was nice. I would drop little comments like, "no, I don't remember where I was when JFK was shot, because I wasn't born," to my older colleagues. There was something viciously satisfying about that.

Though it's still true that I wasn't born when JFK was shot, I'm no longer considered "young." The category of "Young Pastors" has been re-termed as "Pastors Under 40," which excludes me now. I've been in my forties for almost 3 years now. I almost can't remember NOT being in my 40s, and it's not because I'm getting old and losing my memory. It's because my life changed at 40. I'd say I was "born again" but that term is overused and horribly misunderstood. It just seems like everything was so much harder before I turned 40. I wouldn't go back for anything!!

I like to say that my life began again when I moved to Nebraska for the second and last time. I don't plan on leaving this time. You can't make me. When I came to Nebraska for the first time, I had a bumper sticker on my pickup truck that said, "I wasn't born in Nebraska, but I got here as fast as I could." Unfortunately, I was "young" then, and foolish enough to leave. Thank God I came to my senses. It was in my 40th year of life.

I don't mean to insinuate that God can make mistakes, but I've thought that perhaps I got mixed up in the delivery chute from heaven and got sent to the wrong state when I was born in New Jersey. No offense against NJ, it's alright for some people (about 10 million), but I am a much calmer person since I moved to Nebraska. Well, twice.

I moved to Nebraska (again) just two days before my 40th birthday. Not knowing anyone in town, yet, I avoided the embarrasing hoopla of vultures and black balloons and coupons for Depends that so often accompanies such a landmark birthday. I don't feel old since I turned 40, actually, I've felt increasingly younger since then. It has something to do with joy. And oxygen. And wide open spaces. This is what I learned when I turned 40 and moved (again) to Nebraska:

1. You don't have to rush everywhere. You don't even have to be exactly on time.
You especially don't have to be 1/2 hour early, or you're going to be alone for
30 minutes.
2. It's ok to talk to strangers. It's ok to smile at strangers. They're just as
weird as you are.
3. Driving can be fun, even therapeutic, assuming the land is flat, there are few
other cars on the road, and the sunset is amazing.
4. Life is too short to be uptight all the time.
5. Life is too short to not enjoy yourself at least once a day.
6. It's good to take time to have coffee (or tea) with people.
7. You don't have to be alone.
8. It's good to care about other people, even if you don't always like them. There
will be a time when you hope someone else will care about you.
9. The land is God's creation, no more or less than you are. Pay attention to it.
10. God is not just in your head. God is all over the place and beyond. God is
trying to tell you something all the time-- pay attention.
11. It is absolutely necessary to have friends who will take you as you are, no
matter what kind of shape you're in.
12. It is absolutely necessary to laugh so hard your stomach hurts-- and do it
as frequently as possible.
13. It's important to tell people you love them when you do.
14. It's important to be open to learning new things, looking at things from a
different perspective, and to not assume that you know everything.
15. It's good to mix with people who aren't part of your normal circle of friends.
It's good to talk to people you wouldn't normally talk to and find out they're
no weirder than you are.
16. It's important to keep an open mind and open heart.
17. It's not always bad to know everybody and their brother or sister. You don't
have to LIKE them all, just be nice.
18. When you don't know what to do for someone in crisis, make a casserole.
19. Getting dirt under your fingernails is not a bad thing.
20. Life can be good.

That's about all I have for now on the subject. Not everybody would agree with me on some of these points, I realize. But turning 40 was not traumatic for me, it was a new opportunity, a new beginning, it's when I took a deep breath of fresh air and started actually feeling younger.

I've also learned here that death is not the enemy, but it's a natural part of life. All of creation lives and dies and is renewed, it's how God does things. We don't have to be afraid of that process. God's been doing it quite successfully forever. God loves to recycle everything, and it's usually better the second time around. I've also learned that I can't control much of anything. I wish someone had told me this YEARS ago. It would have saved me a lot of wasted energy. Terrible things happen in life, and when it does, it stinks. But it's not the end of the world, and it's not always my fault. Even if I could have done something differently, all I can do is go forward from here. There are a lot of things I can't change and it's futile to try. That includes people. I pray God gives me the wisdom to know what I can change, and leave the rest alone.

Life is good.