Church Shopping

Today we went back to the Episcopalian Church. There's something comforting and safe about it. I love the high, vaulted ceilings, and the long aisle. I imagine many people can't relate to the high-church liturgy, but there is something that arouses awe in me in the dance of liturgy; the hand motions, the gestures, the raising of the Bible over the acolytes head, the kissing of the Gospel page upon reading. The tone of the bell echoed through the dark wood and stone sanctuary after the words of Jesus at the Last Supper were remembered out loud.

I had to smile at the layperson who read the Epistle lesson while balancing a toddler on her hip, or the woman who sat next to be wearing a wide-rimmed hat with black feathers that was a stark contrast to her snow-white hair. She was... elegant. In front of me sat a long-haired man with a bald spot, wearing a worn-out Harley Davidson T-shirt and jeans, escorting his elderly mother. He knelt in reverence during the prayers and bent his knee upon entering the pew. There is holiness in all of us.
I watched the young kids come back from receiving communion, some of them sucking the wine out of the wafer, others slipping the styrofoam-tasting wafer into their jeans pocket. There was a small child chewing and chewing, trying to get it down, wincing, I imagine, at the sour taste of the wine.

But most of all I loved the music. Pipe organ music that reverberates throughtout the atmosphere. It reminded me of my childhood, where our church had a German-made organ built by the very designers. They lived in the church basement for 3 months building that organ into our balcony. I remember as a little kid hearing that music as it shook the floor beneath my feet, and vibrated in my chest. Other times I got to be in the balcony and see our organist wrestle with the musical beast, using both hands and both feet to orchestrate the music within the many pipes.

There is something of a mystic in me, perhaps it's the poet in me as well. I love mystery and magic. I love reverence and holy, standing before what is bigger than me. It reminds me of when I got to be in the new Coventry Cathedral in England and standing before the massive tapestry of Jesus on his throne with the cherubim and seraphim at his head and feet. "In the year that King Uzziah died,..."

It's nothing short of a miracle that my heart can be stirred in church. My heart is still crushed. Broken. Tentative to approach. But in the sounds, smells, touches and tastes of the holy today I was comforted and reminded by the prophet Zephaniah, "I will bring you home."

It is Advent. There is hope. Anticipation. Expectation. And lots of surprises.

I'm From New Jersey

I’m from New Jersey
the Turnpike
Garden State Parkway
the Pine Barrens
and Jersey Shore
I’m from Bruce’s state
Asbury Park
Sandy Hook
Ocean City
Across the River
from Philadelphia
West of New York City

I’m from Rollo and Margaret
British India
and Southern Mississippi
tea in the afternoon
and black-eyed peas
for supper
I’m from Homecoming picnics
after church
picnic tables on the edge of the graveyard
fried chicken
and okra
mountains of potato salad
and slabs of cornbread
pasted with butter
I’m from man-made fishing holes
and water snakes
I’m from sticky humid
country walks
dirt roads and dairy farms
Malcolm’s General Store
Coca Cola in glass bottles
redeemed for a dime
and fried catfish

I’m from mystery places
in a different land
banana trees and mango trees
cows walking the streets
too sacred to eat
cobras serenaded out
of baskets
marble temples
built for dead queens
wonders of the world
children begging in the streets
men and women
bartering in the marketplace
women in saris
red dots marking their foreheads

I’m from ancient
I’m from new
I’m from places
wanting independence
I’m from farmers and
ministers
homemakers and teachers
I’m from fundamentalists
and liberals
Baptists and Methodists

I’m from New Jersey
sand in my shoes
the smell of the sea
the crashing of waves
cotton candy melting
on my tongue
reduced to gritty sugar
salt water taffy
and hoagies
splinters in my feet
from the boardwalk
I’m from crowds
of people
six-lane highways
mulit-ethnic populations
at rest stops
the hum of various languages
the rainbow
of mixed cultures
together yet separate

I’m from New York’s
suburbs
refineries and trains
corporate villages
and business suits
road rage
where The Finger
is an official hand signal of the culture

I’m from New Jersey
Garden State
the Eastern Shore
right in view
of
Lady Liberty.

pmr 12/6/09

birthing

the first stirrings deep in
my middle

took my breath away

live person
inside of me

growing

then kicking
you’ve always hated
being hemmed in

one day there was blood
doctor casual

“might be a miscarriage”

as if my world wouldn’t
shatter
my heart cease beating with yours

as if

I hadn’t already
claimed you
named you
planned the party

you continued to grow
past that brief
near-tragedy

you stretched my skin
stretched my vision
scarring me forever with life

you arrived early
interrupting dinner out
gray and bloody

entering strong
demanding and giving

life

pmr

Church

“why toss a bird in the sky
& not allow her to fly?”
-Matthew Shenoda, Countryside

you did it
you prepared the ground
planted the seeds
watered them
with music, spirit, prayers
there was wine
there was bread
the smell of sulphur
just after the lighting of the candles

touch
taste
velvet red cushions
under my knees
symbols in rainbow colors
around my neck
you
were home, my Garden
birth and death
water and blood
ashes to ashes
palm-branch crosses
pollen-saturated altars
at resurrection sunrise

you made me fall in love
you gave me a floor to dance
find my voice

yet when I started to soar
you clipped my wings
knocked me out of the sky

but now I know the rhythm of the wind
and I will find a new way to fly.




pmr

thanksgiving

it's like a long
string

that connects them all
at any point

I can go to any place
any time

again

games of Trivial Pursuit
and Pictionary
near the ocean

B. accusing Dad
of cheating

N. hiding in
the living room

because she's scared
of our family

smart girl

adopted family
other people

who had stories

of why they were here
and not there
with Them

the year the turkey
didn't thaw
and we ate all the sides

with turkey as a
late-night snack

all those years
the menu rarely varied

as if it were
recipes

that kept us connected
through time

and every year
I remember

all of it

family tensions
misfits at our table

group games
that offered us reprieve
from whispered analyses

of why

it all comes back
with the smell of
turkey cooking

the way Mom always
cooked it

and I
give thanks.


pmr 11/27/09

East of Eden

Last week was the first time my family and I attended worship since the beginning of October. Life is different out here. Sometimes I imagine looking back over my shoulder and seeing the cherubim at the gate, spinning, spinning, with flaming swords guarding the gate. Not that the United Methodist Church is in any way parallel to the Garden of Eden, but it was my spiritual home for 44 years. How does one begin again outside the gates?

Have you ever had the sense that you can't go home again? You can't go back and so all you can do is go forward, and yet forward means going into the mist, into the unknown, the vast wilderness. Kind of reminds me of when I first moved to Nebraska and Larry drove me through the Sandhills of Nebraska. I could see nothing but vast openness before me and it terrified me. But now, after all these years, I can't imagine living anywhere else but Nebraska.

And so I will find my way in this new wilderness. I can't go home again. I've been too burned. It's kind of like being married for a long, long time and one day being told by your spouse, "I don't love you anymore." It takes awhile to trust enough to build new relationships and not be afraid that they will leave you too. Fortunately, I don't know that specific experience firsthand.

I have a new job, after 19 years of being employed by the Church. That, too, is another venture outisde the gates of home. I realize now how somewhat cloistered one can be working for the Church. Somewhat sheltered. People treat you differently when you're a pastor. They don't cuss around you or if they do, they immediately apologize. They don't talk about their every day lives so much; the annoying co-worker, the pressures of work, the fight they had with their spouse. They talk more spiritual talk as if that's all a pastor would be interested in. I used to see people's Sunday Self.

Now I work in an office full of nurses and social workers who know what I used to do for a living, but they never really knew me as that. They know me now as a colleague. They are simply themselves around me, they treat me like anyone else, and I can't adequately describe how refreshing that is. I'm a little nervous at times, just because it's a whole new, bigger, wider world outside the Church. Real life. New rules. During the process of ordination, they talked about pastors being "set apart" as if that was a good thing, a holy thing. But truthfully, it's an isolated thing. I was set apart from people, when I just wanted to be a person. Now I'm not-- I'm plunged into the center of life and activity and it's dizzying at times! But I wouldn't turn around and go back for anything. I can adjust to my new surroundings. I can expand my vision to wide-open spaces and experiences, even if I hyperventilate once in awhile!

Already in my new job I come across people and whole families that have been turned off by the Church-- hurt by it or even abused by it. They therefore aren't interested in spiritual care or religious talk. I can understand that and can certainly empathize. Perhaps I can be a help to them. They don't know unless I tell them that I was a pastor. My job is Bereavement Coordinator; to listen to their pain and help them find a way forward. I think I can do that, because I've had to do that myself.

Today we visited the Episcopalian Church in Kearney. I was enamored by the beautiful old sanctuary with its long aisle leading forward to an ornate altar and chancel. I confess I love the liturgy, the prayer books, the robes, processionals and music. When I was in college I had to spend a semester in Philadelphia, PA to take classes at Temple University. I lived on the North Side of Philly, which is a very decrepit and dangerous side of town. Amdist the stress of finding my way on the subway, hearing gunshots down the street, stepping over the homeless on my front step, I found peace and spiritual food at the Episcopal Church in South Philly, the historic section of the city. It was in the neighborhood of Independence Hall, the Liberty Bell, Franklin Institute, etc. The oldest United Methodist Church in the United States was within blocks. Ben Franklin was buried nearby. The church was beautiful, majestic and ornate. I loved the ritual, the singing, and the preaching. I loved taking communion every Sunday. It was a spiritually rich experience, outside of my own tradition.

Today I re-experienced some of that. I didn't always know when to sit down or stand up, I needed a little coaching in what book to pick up and what page to turn to, and I didn't catch on to all the responses, but somehow the liturgy fed me. I loved the ornate robes, the processional, the crosses, the acolytes who were intensely trained for worship.

Besides that, it was the friendliest church I've ever experienced. People talked openly and freely with us, inviting us to join them for fellowship time. They were very kind and welcoming. It didn't matter who we were or where we'd been. I still feel somewhat wounded and broken walking into any Church, I confess, and today I felt like the community tended my wounds with grace without even knowing it. A woman asked me if we were Episcopalian, and I blurted out, "No, we're not anything right now." There was some pain when I realized what I said, but also some freedom. I'm not anything right now. I don't have to protect any institution, keep its secrets and act like it's all hunky dory. I don't have to lie for anyone anymore or put on a game face. I am searching. I'm finding my way. I'm not bound, but floating on a river waiting to see where the water will take me. The future is open. The path is wide open.

Moonwalk

mesmerizing
you danced us
into a drug-like stupor

swirling, floating on air
bending, twisting
coming alive again and again
responding to the music
through another dimension

your other-worldly passion
and fever
burned you up
as if a fire not meant
for our atmosphere

you wore your darkness
on your skin
on display
your deepest vulnerabilities
a public fodder

we watched
like voyeurs
witnesses to murder
and torture

but its your starburst
that outshines it all
the fairy-dust
still settling on the stage

and we know that
what we saw
was pure magic.

pmr

Stone Cathedral

Today in the cool misty mountains
All covered with trees
I walk into the labryinth of rocks
Trying to find the Center.

I follow the gravel pathway
Resisting the urge to cheat
Always in a hurry, always wanting
Peace Right Now.

A curious squirrel jumps the rocks
Scurrying to the center in two leaps
He stands up on his hind legs
Chirping, laughing at my brooding

Still I walk with my eyes
On the path, circling, seeking
Humming the songs of the birds
Waiting for peace, for revelation.

Is God in the circle, in the rocks?
Is God in the trees, the mountain brook?
Is God in the homemade altar at the center?
Is God inside of me and beyond the stars?

Yes
Yes
Yes
Yes

I kneel on the gravel at the center
And Make my offering at the altar
I raise my Ebenezer to the heavens
And give thanks to God who is everywhere.

pmr

Portrait

your blue eyes
look straight at me
from the online photo

I could swear you
see me, now, in frozen time

eyes amused
loving me, now, in this moment
did you just shake your head?

when I sleep
I hear you singing

songs we sang together
songs I’d forgotten
but my heart still remembered

time transcended
I believe you’re here

fingers creating music
up and down the keyboard
soprano notes coaching my voice forward

eternity erases all lines
time, space, physicality

you are here
you are There
death cannot keep you from me.


pmr
10/6/09

Dennis

sometimes I see you
along the road
only to find it’s a trick of the light
or just more corn waving, distorted in
peripheral vision

or wishful thinking?

I slow down for men
on bicycles
carrying heavy loads
maybe even their entire lives
on two encumbered wheels

you asked for so little
less than I would have given
a cup of coffee, bowl of soup
potato
my favorite

you wanted a place to sit
for awhile

I tried talking
me in my rampant civility

you disinterested
sipping soup, loudly slurping
the black swill cooking
since this morning
but to you it was like cool water
on the tongue of Dives

you just showed up sometimes
without a word
toppled senses of normalcy

never bathed
never changed
only added or removed layers
of already well-lived clothing

clean people
knocked off their sensibilities

maybe that’s why
I liked you

you disrupted our holy
gathering
our prideful complacency

dared us to be Christ to you
or at least civil

we shared caffeinated
communion
broke the muffin

you didn’t know my name
but I wept at your obituary


pmr 10/22/09

Just Call Me Peggy

I got my name back this week, and, as it turns out, my life. I didn't know, really, until this week just how much my life has not been my own.

I've always joked with people that I didn't like being called "Pastor Peggy," because it sounds like you were spitting at me. Some insisted on using a title, so I tried to revert them to "Rev. Peggy," but that, too, sounded a little weird. I also didn't like it because often people would shorten it to "Pastor." And I never felt like my name was Pastor. My mother will tell you how I changed my name several tiimes in adolescence before I settled on Peggy. Just Peggy. So it feels good to get my name back, to drop the "Pastor," and be just plain Peggy again.

As many of you know, I'm starting a new job on the 19th of this month as a Bereavement Coordinator for hospice. There was a time in my life that I'd never would have dreamed of being interested in hospice simply because I didn't think I could handle it. But I've walked that valley with enough friends and parishioners, now, that I am feeling called toward that ministry of compassion and comfort.

What I did not expect in this decision-making process, was to leave the ministry entirely. I didn't see myself serving a church again in the future, simply because of the petty things that go on and have begun to overshadow the real work of the Church. I felt strongly that I "could be a better minister by not being a minister," as Ralph Waldo Emerson once said. This decision to find something else has been working on me for a long time, but I wasn't sure how marketable a Masters in Divinity would ultimately be. When my friend Karen was dying, I got to see hospice at work, and at the same time, they got to see me at work as well. They expressed an interest in me then, two years ago, "someday." When I decided to take a leave of absence and return to school for writing, I knew I'd have to make some money at the same time. So I mentioned this and inquired of the hospice company about whether they might have something next summer. They asked me to send in my resume and application, to have on file. In the meantime, they had an unexpected opening-- fulltime. It's all a blur after that.

I didn't read my Book of Discipline, however, the book of polity in the United Methodist Church. At first I requested a leave of absence from the UMC in 2010. However, when the job offer came up, I revised that request to be appointed to Extension Ministries. I received a call from the Bishop's secretary summoning me to the Bishop's office in Lincoln on October 5th at 9 a.m. I was not told what the nature of the meeting was nor what to expect, but that my DS would be present as well. I arrived at the office in Lincoln at 8:50 a.m. (it's the NJ part of me that always arrives early) and was escorted to a conference room with a long table. I wasn't offered anything, though a sweater would have been nice, because apparently the heat wasn't working. My DS arrived and sat two seats away from me and scribbled on a pad.

45 minutes later, at 9:35 a.m., the Bishop arrived and had invited another DS to sit in on the meeting. It was three suits and me. I was informed that what I'd done was very bad. I was informed that leaving a church mid-year, without consulting the DS and Bishop beforehand was considered "abandonment of a church" and was a "chargeable offense," which, the Bishop said, meant that she could take my ordination orders. The Cabinet, she said, wanted to take action, but she didn't want to bring charges. She said that as UM pastors, we are not allowed to make these decisions, that once we are ordained, we are accountable to the Bishop and Cabinet, and cannot make changes without consulting them first. I should have told the DS and Bishop that I was "thinking" of a career change, of Extension Ministries, before I even sought out the job. THEN, I needed to give them 90-100 days notice at the very least. What I'd done, was completely act on my own and left this "poor church without a pastor," and created quite a dilemma for the Cabinet. She repeated the "chargeable offense" thing many, many times, in case I didn't hear her. She invited me to explain myself, defend myself and jusitfy my actions. She said, too, that when I first came to Nebraska (which is actually my second time in Nebraska) four years ago, someone had said that I wasn't really committed to local church ministry at the time----oh, but she stopped herself, she "shouldn't have said that."

She chuckled when I said something about how I felt God was calling me to this position and this form of ministry, and suggested that I'd just said that I was going to get more money, that didn't sound like a calling to her. She talked about the "covenant" of UM ministry, how I have broken the covenant and acted on my own, made my own decisions. I was reminded that as UM pastors, we don't choose where we go, how much money we make, where we live, etc., we agree to go where we are "sent." I shared that I had shared with my DS a year ago that I was burnt out, that I was on medication for depression and that I didn't have the joy I once had in ministry. I shared that I made this decision because I've known pastors who committed suicide, committed sexual misconduct, exposed themselves in public places, or did other things that ended up in disaster. I was choosing to do something before it go to that point.

I was reminded that I don't make decisions about my life. I was also reminded that even if they did "bless" this endeavor of mine in hospice, that I would still be accountable to the DS and Bishop for the rest of my life. I think that was the deciding blow, the proverbial lightbulb that almost blinded me in that moment. At that moment, that felt like a life sentence-- a ball and chain-- a living death.

What I was told to do to redeem myself, and to attempt to maintain my "good standing" in the Conference, was to write a letter and fax it to them first thing in the morning. That letter was to state that I understood that what I did was wrong, that I now understand that I am a part of a covenant and am accountable to the Bishop and D.S., and that all decisions I make are to be in relation to that "covenant." I was also instructed to write it very carefully and proofread it very carefully. I was also told to "be very careful as to how I talk to other clergy about this meeting today."

I was deeply disapointed in the blatant lack of care for clergy as human beings. I left with a sense that everything I've done in 19 years of ministry was worthless, and that I had the potential of having it go on my permanant record that I was "bad." I was left with the image of myself as a rogue, rebel, as someone who just did what they did with no concern for anyone else. But they don't know who I am. They don't know about anything good I've done in ministry. They don't know what my gifts and graces are, what lives I've touched, what differences I've made. They summed me up as someone who is disobedient, to the point of deserving formal charges being brought against them. This is particularly unacceptable to me, because one of the places I was "sent" was to a church that had just had their pastor abruptly removed for sexual misconduct. I was "sent" to that church at a half-time salary, which I could not afford. The pastor who committed the misconduct repeatedly, did not lose his ordination orders. So I was being told that by making a decision for my own life and future, I did something more inexcusable than sexual misconduct.

That I could not accept. That is not who I am.

My husband Larry and I sent in our ordination papers to the Bishop the next morning, as it would be better to hand them in than to have them taken. Plus, as we expressed to the Bishop, we no longer believe in the polity and ways of doing things in the United Methodist Church. We no longer trust the relationship with them, and we certainly don't trust them with our lives.

So I am officially finished with being a professional holy person, which I must say, is not healthy for one's spiritual life. There is grief, yes. I believed that God called me to ordained ministry, and I pray that what people remember is the good I did as a pastor. However, I do strongly believe I am even more free now to serve God and God's people with compassion, mercy, and grace. My family and I will find another church to worship in. However, our relationship with the United Methodist church is too broken for us to consider worshipping under the cross and flame.

I guess I'm ReThinking Church now.

Walking Through Water

(This is my last sermon as a full-time pastor, as I will be starting a new job later in October. I'll still be writing on the blog, it just won't be in the form of sermons! Thanks for reading!)


Isaiah 43:1-4, 18-21
September 27, 2009


“Do not fear!” it says
and we’re used to those words
coming from the voice of angels
and often afterwards
someone ends up pregnant
Mary, for instance
her cousin Elizabeth
“Do not fear!”
some of us remember those words
coming from an angel with an Irish accent
on the old show “Touched By An Angel”
She’d light up and say,
“do not fear, I am angel sent from God,”
and anyone of course in their right mind
would be afraid
because how often does someone show up
in our lives
and light up like a Christmas tree
and claim to be an angel?

Anyway,
“Do not fear…”
is usually spoken in the bible
before something happens that really does make one afraid
like getting pregnant by the Holy Spirit
and having to explain it to everyone in the village
that the Son of God is in your womb
that’d be pretty scary, I’d say
But here God is speaking directly
no angels intervening
He’s speaking through the prophet Isaiah
to the people of Israel
Do not fear, I am here, God is saying

When I was little
I loved the cartoon of Underdog
and I’d pin a pillowcase around my neck
and fly around the house
saving Sweet Polly Purebread
from the many disasters she managed
to get herself in
and I’d jump into the living room
and declare, “Have no fear, Underdog is here!”
And all was right again with the world
at least for that day
Now we like to watch the TV show NCIS
and of course this past week was the long awaited
season premiere
At the end of the show
Gibbs, the main guy,
shows up in the nick of time
wearing camouflage
bearing a high-powered rifle
and there is an angel-like light around him
Not a sweet, innocent gentle angel, mind you
but more like a Arnold Swarzenegger-type angel
showing up in Sodom and Gomorrah
saying, “Go ahead make my day!”
You don’t have to worry if Gibbs has your back
you’re going to be alright
Gibbs always comes in to say the day
and to kick some butt

And we certainly have plenty of images of God
in the Old Testament like that
a God you don’t mess with
a God who comes in with his proverbial
high powered rifle and wipes everybody out
and a lot of people particularly enjoy that image of God
I don’t
In the book of Isaiah,
the people of Israel have been Through It
You know what that’s like
you’ve been Through It
Where you’re raw, exhausted, wiped out
drained
and you just concentrate on taking one breath at a time
Grief does that to a person

The Israelites have been Through It
They’d been in exile
away from their homeland,
lost, disoriented, always wondering
if they’d ever get back home
because when you’re not home
you tend to forget who you are
you can’t get your bearings
and you tend to panic
Nobody knows your name
nobody knows or even seems to care
what you’ve been through
and you’re too tired to tell the story all over again
Even if there’s some indication that they would listen
They’d been at the mercy of their enemies
for so long
away from their families
away from their temple, their traditions
that kept them grounded
that reminded them daily who they are
They’re grieving
Grieving the loss of those who died in exile
grieving the loss of their temple
their homeland
their homes, their people
their sense of identity
They’d been violated
treated as if they weren’t human
and everything they cared about
was treated as garbage, as nothing
And now they’re coming home
They have serious Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome
they have been stripped of all hope
of everything that had given them hope
so even the joy of coming home is lost on them
what are they coming home to?
Their homes are gone,
their temple is gone
some of their people and loved ones are gone
how can they rebuild their lives?

And God says to these battered souls,
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you,
I have called you by name, you are mine…”
This is not the Arnold Swarzeneggar God
This is God who loves, who nurtures,
who welcomes home, who reaches out
to take his people into his arms
and comfort them like a mother would
Come home, God says
I know who you are, even if you don’t
I know your name, even if you can’t remember it
you are mine, you are my people….
Do not be afraid
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you
and through the rivers,
they shall not overwhelm you
when you walk through the fire
you shall not be burned
and the flame shall not consume you.”
God doesn’t kid them
God doesn’t say, it’s all over now,
everything from here on out is going to be easy
It’s not going to be easy
they have to rebuild their lives
find meaning again in their lives
that will include this brutal experience
they’ve just been through
There will be days they just want to sit on the floor
and cry
give up, believing they don’t have what it takes
to keep going
to move on
to get through
and that’s ok
because God will get them up on their feet again
after they’ve had a good hard cry
and God will help them start again


In one of the churches I served
I remember a woman saying
“you know, I just can’t relate to the story
about Jesus walking on water…
I mean, what was the point?
How can I relate to that?
I will never walk on water
and why do I need to?”
She had a point
I’ve had other people say the same thing
That they didn’t need a Jesus that walks on water
but they do need a Jesus that will walk THROUGH the water
with them
Because we do walk THROUGH water
we do face floods
whether real ones or figurative ones
We face floods that threaten to do us in
we face deep waters
that we don’t know how we will get across
and we know that we can’t just walk over top of them
and avoid the terror, the depths, the darkness
and the brutal cold of those waters
sometimes things happen
that we just can’t get around or walk over top
but in order to get to the other side
we know we have to get through
and God says, I will be go with you
you don’t have to do this alone
Sometimes we have to walk through fire
we have to face things that threaten to burn us up
and simply leave us in ashes
we have to face people who sometimes seem larger than life
who can hurt us
and make us feel rotten if we let them
But God says, I know who you are,
and I will remind YOU who you are
my beloved child who is strong
who faces deep waters and learns how to swim
who faces fire and manages to get through
with only minor burns

This is one of my favorite passages in the Bible
particularly because it’s so personal
I don’t know of any other place in the Bible
where God just comes right out and says
“I love you”
We read about God loving us
Jesus talks about God loving us, caring for us
watching over us,
but this is God talking directly to us
no third person
and simply saying, “Hey, I love you.
You are precious to me
You matter
You are beautiful and strong
and I would do anything for you
I would pay a ransom for you
to get you back from those who take you captive
I would do anything to bring you home
I will bring your children back from all the distant lands
where they’ve been taken away from you
I will bring them home, I will bring YOU home
I will do everything in my power to give you life
even in the world that is so full of death

I love the song by Rascal Flatts, “God Bless the Broken Road”
It’s a love song, of course,
but I love the image of the broken road
that has gotten us to this point in our lives
I don’t think any of us have managed to get here
unscathed
without some heartache
or grief or struggle
If you think you have, I’d suggest you’re in major denial
But I think we can look back and see where God
was able to bring goodness out of pain
life out of death
that God can even bless pain
and bring about new life
Of course we can’t see the good stuff
when we’re still in the midst of the pain
When we’re suffering grief
we can’t possibly see how God will bring anything good
out of it
we simply have to get through it first
but we can look back on our lives
and see how God has brought us safe thus far
how God blessed many of the broken roads of our lives
to make us who we are
I don’t for a minute believe that God causes pain
or makes bad things happen
God’s not like that
God wouldn’t do that because God is no a sadist
But God has the power to take the broken pieces
and make something beautiful out of them

On Friday, I was driving home from Kearney
and I saw a man walking on the side of Route #30
and it looked like he was carrying everything he owned
on his back
He had a huge load, he looked like he’s walked a long way
with that heavy load
he was unshaven, and his skin looked like tanned leather
as if he’s lived a lot on the road
But as he hunched over, bearing the weight of his burden
on top of his backpack, there was a big white sign
and in bold letters, it simply said, “Love Life.”
Love Life
I had to smile
I don’t know what his story is,
I don’t know if he chose to live that way
or if Life imposed it on him
But I can tell that he carries a heavy load
and who knows how much farther he had to walk?
But still he carried a message
“Love Life”
Love it in all its light and darkness,
all of its pain and pleasure
all of its triumphs and defeats
Love it even if you’re bearing a heavy load
and the road stretches out forever in front of you
“Do not remember the former things,”
God says through Isaiah
or consider the things of old
I am about to do a new thing
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers through the desert…”
I don’t think God is saying ‘forget the past’
because the past is part of who we are
and there are some things, some people
that we simply don’t want to forget
even if they’re gone
but I think God is saying, don’t live in the past
don’t cling desperately to it
and refuse to move on
because time will go on without you
the future is coming, whether we’re ready or not
and God is there too
God is in the past and God is in the future
making a way for us,
preparing a path for us
We don’t have to know all the details
we don’t have to know all the answers
because God is already there
There will be more deep water
more raging rivers,
more broken roads
because it seems that this world is just full of all that
but none of it is the final word on who we are
We can start over from wherever we are
no matter where we’ve been, or what has happened
we can still go home
and offer up our broken roads
to the redemptive power of God
and God promises that we will never, ever be alone
no matter what happens
“Do not fear,” God says
“for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name
You Are Mine.
…You are precious in my sight, and honored
and I love you…”
No matter what happens or where you go,
I will bring you home

All of us face uncertain times
we don’t know what’s going to happen
and most of the time we have very little control
over what does happen
but we can know that no matter what,
we are not alone
and that no matter how deep and cold the water
no matter how hot and painful the fire
no matter how long the road is ahead
we will make it home
and God will bless the way
because we know who we are
and to whom we belong forever….
We’ll all going to be ok

ALL MEANS ALL

Galatians 3:23-39
September 20, 2009


Robert Frost has a poem called “Mending Wall,”
and it’s about a man and his neighbor
They have a stone wall that divides their properties
but during hunting season, the wall gets broken down
by hunters trying to get at rabbits
who hide in crevices in the wall
So it becomes a spring-time ritual every year
for the two men to mend their wall
replacing the stones that the hunters removed
But the poet wonders this time, ‘why are we mending the wall?
Why do we keep the wall between us?’
It’s not like they had cows that would get out

And his neighbor’s reply with a simple shrug is
“Good fences make good neighbors.”
It’s what his father always said,
and so he believed it

But the poet persists, why?
Why do good fences make good neighbors?
And he writes,
“Before I built a wall I’d ask to know
what I was walling in or walling out
and to whom I was like to give offence
Something there is that doesn’t love a wall
That wants it down….”
Something there is that doesn’t love a wall
that wants it down…

Paul is writing to his church at Galatia
and the man is really ticked off
Paul was known to have a passionate temper
and at the beginning of Chapter 3,
he says to them, “You foolish Galatians!
Who has bewitched you??”
This is not a friendly letter
to make them feel all warm and toasty inside
The Church at Galatia has gotten caught up
in the law, in the rules
and is more concerned about the rules
than about the spirit of faith
I imagine if he were there in person
he’d slap them all on the back side of the head,
Hello??
He’s pretty much saying,
what’s happened to you?
You were doing so well,
you were following Christ,
you were doing what Christ would want you to do
reaching out to others,
showing mercy and justice
But they got off track somewhere
they took a wrong turn
and now they were very focused in this misguidedness
They’re focused on who’s circumcised
and who’s not circumcised
and therefore who’s in and who’s out
and at one point,

Paul is so angry that he basically says
I wish those who are misguiding you
would just castrate themselves!
He’s mad
Mad that his dear Galatians have wandered off
into strict adherence to the law
and set such strict boundaries for righteousness
that no one can possibly get in

“Before I build a wall
I’d ask to know what I was walling in and walling out…”

Another poet, Irene Zimmerman
wrote,
“In Bethlehem
a baby’s cry
shatters barriers
Women, men,
of every creed,
culture, race
gaze across
the rubbled walls
in wonder
finding every face
luminous
with godliness!”


We see a lot of rubble
there are holes blown in walls all the time
there are people out there trying to dismantle them
and there are just as many, if not more people
trying to put them back up

“As many of you as were baptized in Christ Jesus have clothed
yourselves with Christ
There is no longer Jew or Greek,
there is no longer slave or free,
there is not longer male and female;
for all of you are one in Christ Jesus…
And if you belong to Christ,
you are Abraham’s offspring
heirs according to the promise.”
Those are pretty radical words
No barriers,
no boundaries that separate
the people of God
All of you are one in Christ Jesus
it doesn’t say…
“All.. except this one or that one
All except the ones who don’t go to church
ALL except the ones on the streets
All except the ones who live over there
or have that strange accent
or believe this
or smell funny..

ALL is ALL… Paul puts no exceptions
NONE
What rubble do we stare at in our lives?
Who do we see across the rubble
that we still keep at a distance?
Who do we know that can’t come home
because they know even their church family
their hometown
wouldn’t accept them as they really are?
Who do we wall out?
What do we wall in?
What do we protect?
What and who are we afraid of
that will creep across our property, into our lives?

There’s the story of a rabbi
who asked his students how one could recognize
the exact time when night ends
and day begins….
“Is it when, from a great distance,
you can tell a dog from a sheep?” one student asked
“No,” said the rabbi.
“Is it when, from a great distance, you can tell a date palm
from a fig tree?” another creative student asked
“No,” said the rabbi.
“Then when is it?” they asked him.
He replied, “It is when you look into the face of any human creature
and see your brother or your sister there.
Until then, night is still with us.”

Night is most definitely still with us…
We might be embarrassed by our history
when there were signs in public places
“Whites Only”
and if you know your biblical history
you know that even the temple was divided
In the inner most sanctum of the temple
was the Holy of Holies
believed to contain the presence of God
No one, absolutely NO ONE was good enough
to go on there
except the priest appointed for that day
who would go in and offer up prayers for his people
The people would even tie a rope to his ankle
before he went in
just in case he did something to make God mad
and God struck him dead
and they could pull the body out
without having to go in there
But in the temple,
the people were divided
The main section of worship
was for men only
There was an outer court
for Women and Gentiles
where they could overhear
I guess they had a sound system set up or something
and then of course
anyone else
was not allowed

A woman who was having her period
a person who was crippled or deformed
a woman who had given birth recently
an unmarried woman
with a history…
and just use your imagination
There were strict laws as to who was in and who was out
Who was worthy, who was not

Have you ever been told
as a child or as an adult,
“You don’t belong” ?
“You don’t fit”?
That hurts
It just doesn’t hurt when you’re a kid
left out of the softball game
or not invited to a party
it hurts as adults

One small church I served in Nebraska
many years ago
didn’t like women pastors
and didn’t think that pastors who were divorced
could serve either
It was biblical, they said
And one year while Larry and I both served that church
we had a lot of deaths in the church in a short period of time
a lot of cancer and loss
People in the community told the church members
that it was because God was punishing the church
for having a woman pastor
and a male pastor who was divorced and remarried

It’s a ridiculous story now
but at the time that kind of stuff really hurts
We were basically accused of being murderers
simply for being who we are

The rest of the world loves a good solid wall
they like to determine every day
who is in and who is out
Who is trustworthy and who is not
Who is good and who is evil
as if there’s nothing in between
We build solid walls
that are hard to break
We liked clearly marked walls
so that we know where to stand
and know that we’re ok

But Jesus is one of those who hates walls
he doesn’t love a wall
and he spent his time here kicking them down
which of course made a lot of people mad
mad enough to kill him
but he kept kicking them down
and then he went so far as to kick down the wall
that divides life and death
he kicked down that huge boulder
that sealed the tomb
and showed that he won’t let anyone shut him up
He won’t let anyone silence him
He won’t even let the powerful forces of death
hold back the light that he came to bring

I love the scene in the latest Harry Potter film
In the last four books and movies of the series
the Power of Evil seems to be winning
It has taken over the world
and is causing pure chaos and mayhem
things look pretty hopeless
There are daily battles between good and evil
and good wins for a time
but then evil turns around and lashes back
with cruelty, torture and death
In the 6th movie,
it seems that evil has reached its crescendo
someone let the forces of evil in through the back door
of the castle
and all the powers of darkness
seem to take over and destroy everything
In one of the final scenes of the movie
Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts
and the most powerful wizard that exists
has been killed by the DeathEaters
Dumbledore was someone everyone thought could never die
could never be defeated
and yet there was, killed by the evil crowds
broken and helpless and lifeless
The whole congregation of students
gather around his body in the darkness
and in the sky is menacing sign of the Dark Mark
It’s like a huge Face of the Devil
laughing at them all
mocking them in their pursuit of goodness
mocking them in their grief
But then one of the students lights up his wand
and holds it high in the air
silently, all the other students follow suit
lighting their wands and raising them into the air
until the collective light is so bright
it lights up the darkness
and the ugly face in the sky disspates
and fades into the mist

The story is not over then, of course
Evil is still very powerful
it still seems to win every day
and to gain power and momentum
especially when it creeps into the hearts of good people
who get sucked into it
and use their power for evil instead of good

Jesus doesn’t love a wall
and Jesus wants them down
His ministry was always about tearing down walls
and he didn’t just stand and stare across the rubble
he walked right through the rubble
to bring life to those who were once imprisoned
behind those walls

We are baptized into Christ
What does that mean to us?
Is it just water on our forehead?
Is it just a memory we can’t remember
but rely on the memories of those who were there
or the memory of that piece of paper we kept?

To be baptized is to be invited in to the intimate fellowship
of Jesus Christ
To be a part of a fellowship,
it is to belong, to be loved and cherished
to bring your whole self to the table
and know that you are loved for who you are
and the doors are no longer shut to you
It’s hard to live for Christ in this world
The world loves walls
and is finding more and more ways to build them
to keep people out
to protect our precious territory
forgetting, of course, that none of this really belongs to us
but belongs to God
But as long as there are walls being built
Jesus will keep finding ways to tear them down
and he gives us the power through his Resurrection
to be a people of life and light
to be people that hate walls
and he gives us the tools, the courage and the power
to take them down

There’s the story of an old neighborhood in Chicago
On the first night of Hanukah,
a menorah appeared in the window of one of the homes
This had never happened before
The next morning, the front door of that home
bore a large, crudely painted swastika
That evening a second candle appeared in the window
But now, another home across the street had a menorah
in the window as well
Next morning, the second home also
had a swastika on the door
On the third evening, three candles burned in the window
of the first home
and now menorahs had shown up in the front windows
of half a dozen homes round about
Next morning, six more swastikas
By the fourth evening, menorahs beamed light
from the windows of homes all up and down the street
No more swastikas appeared in the neighborhood
Light had chased away the darkness….

Jesus is alive and very much among us
very much alive and wandering through this world
don’t make him go all alone
He lit a fire in you, he lit a lamp in you
to carry through the heavy darkness of this world
there will be pain, there will be resistance
because evil doesn’t like competition
But you are children of the Resurrection
baptized believers in the power of Christ
Keep your lamps lit
keep holding them up
and together the light will be brilliant

and the darkness will be overcome …. someday.

The Wordless Gospel

Psalm 19
September 13, 2009

When we were living in Pennsylvania,
I served two churches on the side of a mountain
My smaller church was in a little place called Falls
which was just a string of houses
and little farms along a long, winding
uphill road
To drive from Lake Winola where we lived
to the Falls Church
I rode through many twists and curves
in the road
that scared me when I first moved there
especially in the wintertime!
But once I got the hang of driving that road
it was beautiful
Many times I went through tunnels of trees
sometimes like a cathedral of trees
Across the road from the little white clapboard church
at Falls
was a row of houses
whose backyards looked like
just another mass of trees
I didn’t know the people who lived across the road
so I didn’t venture into their yards
That’s my excuse, anyway
for serving there for a whole year
before I knew about the treasure just across the road
One day a friend of mine was visiting from New Jersey
and a woman in the congregation
offered to show her the reason
that the Falls Church was named Falls
I was embarrassed to realize
that I’d never thought to ask
But the woman instructed us to go home
and change our shoes
into good walking shoes
and also ones that we weren’t concerned about
getting dirty
When we returned to the church parking lot
our guide took us across the road
we trespassed into someone’s backyard
until we find a narrow path
that led into the woods
We had to walk carefully
grabbing onto nearby trees for support
to descend the path
that was rocky, full of big tree roots
and was steep
one false move and you’d go rolling down the hill
into a mass of green
After we stumbled our way over tree roots, rocks
and fallen logs,
we came into a clearing
and it took our breath away
I’d been living in the area for a year
and didn’t know about this beautiful treasure
right across the street
Locally they’re called the Buttermilk Falls
And there is no way to adequately describe them
but they are as beautiful as anything you’d pay to see
There are several levels
and if you climb up the rocks
you are treated to even more beauty
Rocks artfully placed just right
so the water rolls off them
splashing and creating a foam
When the water is low, you can stand on a rock
right in the middle of the falls
but when there’s been a heavy rain,
you have to stand much further away
as the rocks are submerged in water
crashing down the mountain
After that day, I went back often
although it’s not advisable to go alone
just because there are so many risks of falling
I’d never noticed the sound before
but after that day I’d always stop on the church step
and listen
and if there was no traffic on the road
you could faintly hear the roar of the falls
One day, we’d had several inches of rain at once
and you could hear the roar of the falls
from the front step of the church
I had to walk very carefully
as the pathway to the falls was muddy and slippery
The noise was deafening
and the roar and power of the water coming over the rocks
was amazing and strangely frightening
There was so much water
that it gave you the sense of the power of nature
the terrible danger amidst the beauty
The falls are actually owned by the little church I served
and there used to be a park and public access to it
at the bottom
People used to swim in the ice cold mountain water
at the bottom
The Church had a refreshment stand
that sold hot dogs and drinks
and families used to come picnic there
But they started having trouble with vandalism
and of course young kids
coming back there to drink
and throwing their bottles into the water
So after too many cleanups
and too many times of having to call the police
the church people reluctantly closed the park
and closed the road
so now the only way to get back there
is by a narrow, steep, rocky and slippery path
not recommended for those not steady on their feet

I went there as often as I could
just to sit and find peace in the presence of God
“The heavens are telling the glory of God...”
the psalmist writes
The Psalms are my favorite part of the Bible
and maybe because so much of it is poetry
and I love poetry
But the psalmist celebrates the beauty of this world that God made
“day to day pours forth speech
and night to night declares knowledge...
There is no speech nor are there words
their voice is not heard
yet their voice goes out through all the earth
and their words to the end of the world..”

I’m finding that there are too many words in the air lately
and sometimes I need a break
everywhere... words
so many of them empty and ugly
and one could go a little crazy!
But Nature pours forth its own speech
and nights declare knowledge
no speech, no words
but a different kind of word, a different kind of message
in the stars, the moon,
the prairie, the sun and the vast dome-like sky
Sometimes words just aren’t needed
when you’re with someone you love
sometimes it’s best just not to speak
and you can simply feel the joy and the love
from being together
sharing a beautiful moment
sharing the aroma of the sidewalk after a hard rain
and there’s just nothing to say
and that’s how it is with God
God knows we have more than enough words
sometimes way too many
And so God speaks to us without words
but through creation
a squirrel hanging upside down on the side of a tree
squeaking at us
or chasing another squirrel in circles
or the many variety of birds that land
and find little things to build their nests
or the vast blue dome of the Nebraska sky
accented sometimes with clouds
sometimes turning purple right before a storm
or the beauty of a thunder head forming
in the distance
it’s all a love poem from God, I think
it’s all a reminder that so much of what we say and hear each day
is meaningless
in the vast scheme of things
that God is the creator of all that is good and beautiful
and there is an order to it all
even when a tornado comes and it seems all order falls apart

Ralph Waldo Emerson is one of my new favorite poets
and he wrote an essay on Nature
and how Nature brings us to God
“The aspect of nature,” he says, “is devout. Like the figure of Jesus
she stands with bended head, and hands folded
upon the breast...
the happiest man is he who learns form nature
the lesson of worship.”
Nature helps us appreciate Beauty
the absolute Beauty created by God
There is beauty in everything if we look closely enough
and in that beauty, we see the presence of God
Emerson writes,
“In the woods, we return to reason and faith.
There I feel that nothing can befall me in life—
no disgrace, no calamity, which nature cannot repair
Standing on the bare ground, my head bathed by the blithe air
and uplifted into infinite space,
all mean egotism vanishes....”

The psalmist says, “the law of the Lord is perfect,
reviving the soul....”
The law of God is not just in the words of Scripture
but the laws of God are all around us
in creation, in the world
“in the heavens, God has set a tent
for the sun,
which comes out like a bridegroom from his wedding canopy
and like a strong man runs its course with joy....”
Just imagine the sun as something God loves
simply because God created it
and God set a course for it, a path in the sky
The sun shines, lighting up the world
brightening everything it touches
providing warmth
sometimes providing a break in the dark clouds
with a single ray coming down
to light our paths
Nothing in this world is accidental
we know of course that not all of nature is beautiful
Nature can be mean
as with tornadoes and hurricanes
as with animals that devour other animals
as waters that flood and overwhelm
But even those events give us cause to be in awe
I think in many ways we’ve lost the capacity to feel awe
at the power, the beauty and brilliance of God’s nature
God’s creation
I grew up feeling like I was misplaced
born in the wrong place
in New Jersey there just wasn’t as much to look at
too much concrete and buildings
and when I first visited Nebraska—
after I stopped hyperventhilating from the wide open spaces,
that is—
I fell in love
with the living creation all around
the access to the sky
the smell of growing things
the clean fresh smell of rain
The heavens are telling the glory of God
God has much to say in the creation all around you
but we have to stop running so fast
stop consuming every waking hour so much
that we run right by it

Emily Dickinson, who was not an avid church goer
nonetheless expressed it well
when she wrote,

Some keep the Sabbath going to church;
I keep it staying at home,
With a bobolink for a chorister,
And an orchard for a dome.

Some keep the Sabbath in surplice;
I just wear my wings,
And instead of tolling the bell for church,
Our little sexton sings.

God preaches,—a noted clergyman,—
And the sermon is never long;
So instead of getting to heaven at last,
I ’m going all along!


Going to heaven all along
every day
Wouldn’t it be great if we knew that?
If we went to heaven just a little bit every day
on our way there?
For the heavens now, are telling the glory, the absolute beauty
the unfathomable power of God
every day
all around us
in the vast skies
in the tiniest of birds and weird bugs
in the sound of the rain
in the smell of the corn
and fresh-cut grass
In all of this God is speaking God’s love to us everyday
speaking the beauty of life
the preciousness of life
and also the utter waste of so much
that consumes our minds
Receive the gifts of God,
with body, mind and soul
and let the words of my mouth
and the meditations of all our hearts
be acceptable to God, our Rock and our Redeemer
May it be so

Live, For God's Sake!

Ephesians 5:1-14
September 6, 2009

Henry David Thoreau was a 19th century poet
who spent two years living in the woods at Walden Pond
as an experiment
He wanted to test his belief in the ability of human beings
to transcend their senses and attain a higher understanding of life.
By the shores of Walden Pond where Thoreau lived from the land,
he meditated, wrote poetry,
and developed a philosophy of pacifism
and a reverence for all living things that profoundly influenced 19th and 20th century thought.
About his experiment he wrote:

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately,
to front only the essential facts of life,
and see if I could not learn what it had to teach,
and not, when I came to die,
to discover that I had not lived.
I did not wish to live what was not life,
living is so dear;
nor did I wish to practice resignation,
unless it was quite necessary.
I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life,
to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life...”
At another time, he wrote
“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them..”

I don’t suppose we have to look far to find someone
who seems to be living a life of quiet or maybe not so quiet
desperation
How many people do you know that are truly at peace?
someone who loves life despite all its hardships
someone who remains kind and good
and loving
in the midst of a very mean world?
Why do you suppose these reality shows are so popular?
Why do you suppose magazines sell
that are pitting Jon against Kate
and we have to listen to their childish
bickering in the public arena?
Why do we love a good fight?
Why can’t anyone have a rational conversation
about their opinion on health care
without reducing the other to the enemy
and accusing them of all kinds of atrocities?
Why is so-called professional wrestling such a hit?
We love a good fight
we seem to want to let our meanest
nastiest feelings out
Why is that?
I think it’s because many men and women
lead lives of quiet desperation
and never truly seem to know the joy of life

Paul is in prison, for God’s sake
and I mean that literally
he has no right to be a happy camper
he is in prison for simply preaching the Gospel
and making the wrong people mad
But somehow he manages to write these letters from prison
to the people of his churches
letters of encouragement
letters teaching them what it means to be
followers of Christ
And in this 5th chapter of Ephesians
he makes no bones about it
He starts off saying, “be imitators of God,
as beloved children..”
Live as if you know you are loved by the God of all creation
Live in LOVE
as Christ loves us and gave himself up for us
a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God
He’s not just talking about the obvious
like don’t commit adultery
don’t steal
don’t shoot your neighbor
don’t like and cheat
don’t treat sex like a sporting event
Paul is always talking about the community
he’s always telling us that we’re all in this together
that faith is not just for your own personal well-being
Paul reminds us again and again
that we as Christians are to look out for other
not just other Christians
I don’t care what your opinion is on the health care issue
but it deeply disturbs me when people’s arguments
reveal their own greed, and their disregard
for others
I don’t know what all the answers are on health care
but I do know that we are not called by God
to hoard our gifts and keep them away from others
We are not given the privilege of deciding
who is worthy of basic care and who is not
I am in no way telling you what your opinion should be
let me just say that for the record
but I hope that our opinions and our positions
as Americans
are not born out of wrath, greed, anger, or revenge
and not born out of fear that we won’t have enough
or that someone else will get something we want
Paul reminds us if we want to wear the badge of Christian
we do not live for our own gains
but we are called to seek the good of others
to feed the hungry
assist the poor
clothe the naked
find ways that the poorest of the poor
or the most vulnerable of our society
can get basic care
and be treated as human beings
Paul talks about vulgar and obscene talk
and I don’t think he’s necessarily talking about pornography here
Although I’m sure he wouldn’t condone that either
But vulgar and obscene talk
is anything that is ugly
anything that makes people act in ugly ways
anything the breeds contention, hatred and meanness
None of it has any place in the behavior of someone
who dares to wear the name of Christ
This world can make the best of us very, very sick
It can sicken our spirits, suck out all of our hope
and make us mean
The 12 step program talks about taking a self-exam
There is the basic guidance of HALT,
H A L T
If you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired
you just better STOP
take care of yourself, take care of your condition
before you try to interact with human beings,
before you try to respond to a situation
because whenever we are too hungry, too angry,
too Lonely or too Tired
chances are we will do something we will regret
“For once you were in darkness,” Paul writes
and really, the darkness is always trying to suck us in
trying to stir us up and lure us into a nasty fight
because for some reason, the world loves a good fight
Lately, it seems, the nastier and meaner, the better
TV makes a lot of money on people’s most basic ugliness
But Paul continues,
“but now in the Lord you are light ....”
Did you get that? YOU ARE LIGHT....
“Live,” he says, “ as children of light
for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right
and true
Try to find out what is pleasing to the Lord
Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness
but instead expose them...”
I hate it when he says that
no one wants to expose ugliness
no one wants to be the whistleblower
because then YOU get targeted
you have people turn against YOU
But Paul is writing this in prison
he knows what it is to be a truthteller
and he knows what the consequences of truthtelling
is in this tough world
He was put there by religious people
who didn’t want him to tell the truth of Christ
because it messed up things for them
Paul is writing from prison
about Jesus, the ultimate truth-teller
who got killed for speaking the truth
and for making the wrong people mad
So Paul is not speaking without understanding
the difficulty of following Christ with passion
and commitment
Finally, he says, “Sleeper, awake!
Rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.”
Sleeper, awake!
So many people go through this life asleep
not expecting much out of life
and therefore not getting much out of it
“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them...”
How tragic is THAT?
YOU ARE LIGHT, Paul says,
You were born to shine that light
that beauty
so the world may see the face of Christ
Don’t take the song with you to the grave
sing it, live it,
Live a life of love, be imitators of God
Live as if you know that you are a beloved child
of the God of all creation
Live in truth,
stand up against the crowd
go against the grain
and shine that brilliant, powerful, life-giving light
into the vast, deep darkness
so that all may know
that there is yet hope

Live deliberately, for God’s sake, and for your own

inauguration

crowds gather
fists pumping
air hot with rage
and fear

when will it get better?

signs waving
parade marching
eyes up front
arms locked

oh god

hoses turned on
toppling bodies
arms, legs, tangled
whose is whose?
thump
whack
wood on bone
blood and water
in rivulets on steaming pavement

all we are saying is give peace a chance
we shall overcome

someday
somewhere over the rainbow

hope a mere whisper
a vague soundtrack
to the chaos

oh god oh god oh god

i have a dream


when will our dreams come true?

so much blood
so much death
hanging in trees
floating in rivers
some never found
buildings burning

explosions interrupting
amazing grace
gunshots
still the organ

tell me it’s just a dream

people marching
masses gather
ghosts hover
demons linger

crowds a patchwork of color
armani suits and blue jeans

hope a whisper
gaining volume
reaching courage

parades
no hoses
anticipation
tension
no snipers on the roof

memories haunt
nag
pull
at buoyant hearts

i have a dream

someday

a man
chestnut skin
right hand raised
left hand resting
on a volume of struggle
violence
bloodshed
sacrifice
relentless dreams

“i do solemnly swear…”

it is a beginning

The Passion of God

Songs of Solomon 2:8-13
August 30, 2009



The first time I fell in love
was when I was 15
His name was David, and Larry knows all about him
David wasn’t my first boyfriend,
but he was my first love
He was also a pastor’s kid
We met at church camp
He was from Northern New Jersey
and I was from Southern New Jersey
So it was a long-distance relationship
but that didn’t matter
we knew our love would get us through
We wrote letters every day
email would have been so helpful….
We talked on the phone as much as our parents would let us
We got together as often as our parents
were willing to drive up and down the parkway
It was a delicious time
We thought it was forever
We listened to John Denver music
and talked about someday getting married
and living in the Colorado rockies
Of course, I had no idea where Colorado
OR the Rocky Mountains were
but it didn’t matter
My first love also ended up being
my first real heartbreak
David got tired of trying to be faithful
to someone 80 miles away
and so he broke my heart
But what I remember most
is the delicious, almost magical time before that
when the rest of the world didn’t matter

Being in love is intoxicating
I hope you know what I’m talking about
To love someone deeply and passionately
and to be loved back
I’m fortunate
I got to fall in love again
with someone who didn’t break my heart
and this one stuck

People have wondered for hundreds of years
why the Songs of Solomon are in the Bible
It makes some people nervous
the passage I read is one of the safest ones to read in church
there are plenty of other paragraphs
that would make you blush
People have always wondered
how it got in the Bible at all
how it got past the editors of the 4th century
and slipped into the Big Book

Actually, early and medieval Christians loved this book
In the Middle Ages, the Songs of Solomon
was the subject of more commentaries
than any other Old Testament book
They just couldn’t ignore it
In the 12th century, Bernard of Clairveaux
wrote 86 sermons on the Songs of Solomon
and that was without getting past chapter 2
I’m suspecting he just couldn’t handle
the rest of the chapters
or just plain didn’t want to read them in church
The Songs are full of passion
and erotic love
but it’s different than what we term as erotic love
It is eroticism that is born out of a faithful love
between two people
a passion and deep love
that is never quenched
simply because there is always more to discover
in the other person,
more to love
and more to enjoy
I hope you know what I’m talking about
I hope you have experienced
the deliciousness of being in love like that
This is not a song about a one-night stand
or an illicit affair
it’s about the passion of two people
completely devoted to each other
and only each other
The fact that it’s so surprising that this book
made it into the Bible
begs the obvious question,
how did Church and Christianity get so proper,
so passionless?
We come here,
and maybe it’s because we were raised that way
but it seems we leave our deepest feelings
at the door
We sit up straight
we have this sort of bland, bored look on our faces
and we keep everything proper

One of my all-time favorite movies
is “Dead Poets’ Society”
as I might have mentioned before
Robin Williams plays Mr. Keating
who comes to teach at a very old, traditional
boys’ prep school
They are used to wearing ties and jackets to class
learning Latin, and studying to excel
so they can all be doctors and lawyers
whether they want to or not
They file in and out of class
they recite the age-old traditions by memory
they are taught to think
and not to feel
And then comes Mr. Keating
who is an English teacher
with a deep, deep passion for poetry
and he teaches these adolescent boys
to savor the words of poetry
to let the words get under their skin
and release their dreams, their joys,
and their deepest desires
He challenges them to think outside the box
to take off their ties
to stand on their desks
just to get a different perspective
he challenges them to think about and do
what gives them the deepest joy in life
They’ve never been invited to feel before
they’ve never been asked what they thought before
what they felt, what they believed,
nobody ever wanted to know who they really were
Mr. Keating invited them out of themselves
to dream, to dance, to whoop
to experience the deepest joys of life
Of course, it caused a lot of problems
because the majority of people in this world
don’t want to let passion loose
they want to keep everything under control
in its proper place
they want to be dignified and bound
So Mr. Keating became a problem for the adults
but to the kids he would forever be
the one who set them free to live…
That movie moved me and inspired me deeply
when it came out 20 years ago
it challenged me to dream, to feel
to discover who I was instead of
what everyone else expected me to be
It reminded me that life is so much more
than intellect and sophistication
Life is joy,
life is passion
life is beauty
And that’s what the Songs of Solomon are about

I bet Mr. Keating loved the Songs of Solomon
because the words drip like honey on your lips
It is poetry
It’s a love poem
that celebrates the fullness of love
between two people
who know and love each other at every level
who never cease to see the beauty in one another
even amidst the wrinkles and sags
and age spots
the lover sees only their beloved
It is about intimate communion
on a physical, spiritual and emotional level
And I guess that’s something that most humans don’t get
because when we were taught about sex
chances are we were taught about it
as the way that babies are made
Few of us were taught that sex
is a joy, a full expression of two people deeply in love
faithful only to one another
wanting to share and know the passion of
that kind of love
Christians don’t talk much about sex
except to encourage shame, secrecy
or suspicion
At the same time, the rest of the world
won’t shut up about it
and yet what the rest of the world celebrates
is just the physical
the rest of the world treats it like a sport
played with many, many partners
No wonder everyone’s confused about it
The Church won’t talk about it
our friends growing up won’t STOP talking about it
so we don’t know how beautiful, how spiritual
and joyous it can be between two people
that promise to be faithful to their beloved forever
to share all of themselves only with each other
And I think that’s a shame
It’s not embarrassing
and I love the fact that those old, sex-less bishops
of the ancient Church
let this book slip by the cutting table

The Songs of Solomon
never even mention God
which is another reason why one wonders
how it made it in
and yet it celebrates love
that is almost other-worldly
and therefore can only come from God
We don’t often think of God as passionate
certainly the old Sunday School image
of the old man with long white hair and long white beard—
kind of like Dumbledore in Harry Potter
certainly that image doesn’t strike us
as passionate, juicy, delicious
and exhilaratingly joyous
But I believe it took a passionate God
to create this world
down the most microscopic details
It took a passionate God
to create all this beauty and wonder
and possibilities for joy
Some scholars suggest that the Songs of Solomon
are a reversal of the curses of the Garden of Eden
The story of the Garden of Eden
is one of shame, guilt and separation
that it seems we’ve never quite gotten over
But in the Songs of Solomon there is joy and delight
no shame about their bodies
no embarrassment
it is like the recreation
of the Garden before the fall
a picture of what it was once like
and can be again
Before relationships were broken
between man and woman
and between people and God
In the Songs,
to be in love with someone
is to find your whole being tied up with your beloved
tied up not as in imprisonment
but that you can’t imagine your life separate from them
it is to want to be wherever they are,
to want good things for them
to even just want to take their hand
and dance in the kitchen
even if there’s no music playing
Wouldn’t it be lovely
if we could be that joyous here?
Wouldn’t it be lovely if we didn’t leave our deepest,
truest selves at the door
when we walked in?
Wouldn’t it be lovely if we could celebrate the passion
of God, the joy of God, the delight of God
like a lover who can’t stop kissing your face?

The woman is the prominent speaker
and it is the only Old Testament book
where a woman gets to speak this much
She is delighted at the very sight of her loved one
coming up over the hill to her
He invites her, “Arise my love, my fair one,
and come away,
for now the winter is past
and the rain is over and gone…
the flowers appear on the earth
the time of singing has come….”
In other words, the cold, dark barrenness is gone
the lifelessness is over
the very world is springing forth
again, budding into new life
as if to express what is going on in their very souls
It is life after death
healing after sorrow,
breathing again after holding your breath forever
it is light coming into the darkness
and shining on your path
It is cool, crisp water
when you feel like you’re dying of thirst
It is a banquet of food
when you’ve been starving to death
It is the feeling of someone’s loving arms around you
when you’ve been lonely so long
It is God taking your chin in hand
drawing your eyes upward
and telling you that you are beautiful,
you are beloved and cherished
by the same God who took the time
to create living things that we can’t even see with the naked eye
the same God who created the galaxies way beyond our own

I believe that every loving relationship
every deep, soul-connecting love
that is faithful and life-giving
whether it be between spiritual friends
or between two lovers
I believe that those relationships
give us just a taste of the Divine
a taste of what is yet to be
a glimpse of the intimate, loving, passionate love
that God has for us
for every living being that God has created
and I believe it gives God great, rapturous joy
when we get it
when we receive it enough to get that light in our eyes
when we dare to share it with another person
in such a way that they are made stronger,
more beautiful, more whole
and more themselves
Arise, The lover of all lovers says to us,
arise, my beloved, and come away for awhile
the winter is past, the rains are gone
life is springing forth inside and outside
and all over the world
and it is beautiful
delight in it
savor it,
and live in the passionate love of God

Standing Firm

Ephesians 6:10-20
August 23, 2009


I have never preached on this passage before
because it’s so warrior-like
and we have enough images of warriors and aggression
every day
Actually, when I read this passage,
I picture a full suit of armor
where the person inside can’t even move
much less defend him or herself
Christian bookstores have little plastic sets
of armor for children to play with
in reference to this passage
They have swords, breastplates
and big, sturdy belts that come down like an apron
They have plastic helmets
like the kind you’d see in Ben Hur
or some ancient warrior movie
And of course, they have a shield, also
like you might see in a movie about gallant knights
and inevitably the shield has a cross on it
I’ve often thought that the little kid wearing those things
should get into a macho stance
and say in their best Clint Eastwood voice,
“Go ahead, make my day.”

And that’s why I never preached on this passage before
because by the time I’m done reading it,
I’m kind of giggling
and it’s hard for me to relate
But I thought I’d work with it this week
because sometimes I like to try impossible things

As many of you have learned by now,
on Friday at school,
Sarah thought she’d channel the spirit of Michael Jackson
and suddenly be able to dance like him
If you’ve ever seen Michael Jackson dance
you know that he did things that are physically impossible
One of his signature moves
is called a toe jump
where he literally goes up on his toes
on both feet
seemingly with no effort at all
Well, when Sarah spontaneously tried it,
it didn’t work out so well
and after a long afternoon in the doctor’s office
she’s wearing one of those lovely post-op shoes on her foot
and her big toe is taped to her second toe
to keep it from moving
As you see, she’s using crutches to walk
I can’t help but think that if anyone wanted to try the infamous toe jump
it is recommended to be wearing steel-toed boots

In my braver moments when I’ve tried roller-blading,
I’ve worn all the protection that is available,
the helmet, the elbow pads, the knee pads
the wrist braces
just because there is a greater chance than not
that I will fall
We have air bags and seat belts in our cars
not because we’re PLANNING on crashing
but because crashes happen
and it’s best to have a little insurance
to lessen the pain in the event of a crash
And to try to protect our lives as best we can
It’s just common sense

When I was a kid, there was that age-old saying
“Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me…”
I said it, my friends said it,
we all said it
because other kids are cruel
and they say mean things
but as much as we said it
I’ve come to learn it just isn’t true
In fact, it is pure bovine excrement
Sticks and stones may break our bones
but words do in fact hurt
and sometimes they hurt worse than a broken bone
I don’t like this passage
because it feels so violent to me
It conjures up a warrior image
a violent image to me
We have to be ready to fight
to stick out our sword
to do battle, draw blood if we have to
and challenge our enemies to go ahead,
make our day
It reeks of the images of my God is bigger than your God
my God will wipe you out
if you are a sinner, or if you don’t believe
Christians have absorbed all the violent imagery of the world around us
and utilized it in our language, our attitudes and actions
We tend to assume that God blesses our anger, our hate
and our thirst for violence
But the more I read this passage,
it’s not a violent passage
The things that we are given to put on
are not things to fight and kill with
but things to defend ourselves with
To protect ourselves
They are defensive, not offensive
They are things intended to protect us in the fight
that is inevitable in living in this violent world
It’s not an ad to condone the freedom to have a concealed weapon
or a weapon that can kill
it is a passage of strength
of putting on the strength of God
to live and love in a world that is allergic to everything
Jesus stands for
Jesus didn’t wear armor
Jesus never carried a weapon
even though his life was in danger all the time
even though some crazy lunatic
could have jumped out of the crowd
at any moment
and killed him in anger
in righteous anger
because there were people, religious people
who believed that he was the son of the Devil himself
and they would have justified the killing
as a righteous act
“Finally,” Paul says, “ be strong in the Lord and in the strength
of his power….”
We have a funny view of power in our world
We think of power
as power OVER something
as something dominant, even violent
We are always striving for power in our lives
and a lot of what we do is an effort to not lose that power
We try to control other people
we try to control our children
and our spouses
We try to control our world
If things don’t go our way
we get mean
We don’t like the feeling of not having power
Of feeling powerless
We live in a democracy and we say we value that
but we don’t seem to value it very much
when we don’t get what we wanted
what we voted for
We like democracy as long as we are on the winning side
We don’t like to lose
So a person who feels powerless
feels like the whole world is against him
doesn’t properly value him
and then he loses his job at the post office
or the factory
or he fails a course in the college
So he gets a gun and he goes in there and blows everybody away
because that gives him a sense of power
for just that one tragic moment
Someone didn’t agree with Abraham Lincoln
trying to free all those slaves
they didn’t like his policies
his vision
and they didn’t vote for him
So they blew him away
Someone didn’t agree with Martin Luther King, Jr.
and they hated “his kind”
and they didn’t want his kind
to get too full of themselves
to have any power
and so they blew him away
But every day ordinary people
who are otherwise peace-loving people
use words as their weapons
and do incredible damage day after day
because they feel powerless
and they use words to feel power
Sticks and stones break our bones
but words kill spirits,
words kill souls
and cause life-long guilt and shame
that can do enormous damage
I know I talk about this kind of stuff a lot
because I feel very strongly about it
I am tired of the Church and Christianity
having the reputation of being mean and judgmental
Religious people can be some of the meanest people out there
We tend to think that we live day to day
without a moral checklist
Without examining ourselves and who we are
what we’ve done
But I think all of us need to take a look at ourselves
every person who professes to represent Jesus Christ
should take a moral inventory daily
Have I said something today to hurt another?
Have I done anything to foster an attitude of violence?
Have I tried to be controlling of another human being?
Have I said something hurtful
even in an attempt to be funny
that could have taken out a piece of someone’s heart today?
If so, I need to repent
and even ask that person’s forgiveness before I ask God
Have I been a gracious loser in an argument
or in a decision making process?

I say all this, because we are told to put on the armor of God
to hold a shield to protect us from flaming arrows
We need protection according to this
but what is it that we need protection from?
From the ways of the Devil, it says
well, the ways of the Devil, I think we can all agree
is evil
But what is evil?
What is coming at us that we need protection from?
It is a tough world out there for anyone
but it’s even tougher for people of peace
for people who strive for peace in all things
who want to see a world governed by peace
because the rest of the world
is very violent
We want to kill our opponents
we want to kill people who live differently than ourselves
we want to kill people we don’t even know
And to stand up against that attitude is dangerous as well
When you stand out as different in this world
you get called names
We have a variety of names
slut, communist, red, Satanist, you name it
we come up with the worst names we can
to convince ourselves that our enemies are not human
Who wants to be called those kind of names?
No one
So we keep quiet
But God calls us to stand firm
against the ways of evil
with the very real risk that we will get labeled a terrible name
that will break our hearts
and threaten to wound our very souls
But God calls us to be a people of peace
in a world bent on violence
God calls us to strengthen ourselves
to wear protection
which doesn’t mean our hearts won’t get broken
or that we won’t bleed
because if we are human at all, we will
We are not called to participate in the violence all around us
we are to wear defensive armor
only to defend, and not to hurt others
We are to hold shields to ward off the stinging, burning arrows
that others point at us
that may momentarily knock us to our knees
but we are also to wear the shoes
that will give us the foundation to proclaim TRUTH
give us the foundation to walk forward
amidst this world of sharp and deadly arrows coming our way
and to still be a people of peace, grace,
mercy, and a love that cannot be shaken
cannot be stopped even
if the one bearing that good news
is shot down like Lincoln or King
the message still goes on
because the message is eternal
and the message cannot be shut up
or destroyed
How do we protect ourselves?
We pray, Paul says
we pray on our feet, we pray in our car
we pray even in the midst of one of those deadly arguments
we walk away from the argument if we have to
before we decided to do or say anything deadly
We fill our minds with good things,
good words, good images, good songs
We associate with peaceful people
who build us up, who nurture our spirits,
who make us laugh, and who will listen to our deepest pains
without judging us
We shut off the commentators
who spew violence
we shut off the loud, obnoxious fights
we get up from the table and walk away
when the conversations turn violent
We stand firm as believers in the God of peace and justice
We stand firm in the footsteps of Jesus
who was and is the Prince of Peace
who never carried a weapon
who only spoke violence against those
who used religion to bless their own evil ways
who faced his enemies without a sword
because he knew that no power on earth
is greater than the power of love
that comes from heaven
It is hard to be a good person
it is easy to say, I’m just doing what everyone else does
and I’m just trying to save my own skin
but we’re called to look out for each other’s skin too
and I don’t believe there is anything more offensive to God
than to use God’s name
to condone violence, cruelty, meanness
and killing
So be strong, it’s a tough world
Stand firm in your values and convictions
stand firm in the power of God’s kingdom
God’s mercy, love and grace
Clothe yourselves, cover yourselves in God’s peace
cleanse yourselves with God’s unwavering love
Pray, pray, pray
for the strength to keep a tender heart
in a vicious world
Pray for the power to resist evil
to resist getting caught up in the crossfires
pray for the strength to walk away from the fight
before you are tempted to pull the trigger
Pray to be fully clothed
in the power and light and glory
of the Living Christ
who absolutely refuses to give up on this world
who refuses to give up on you and me
and who will not stop
resisting the powers of evil
until this whole world is governed by peace
and life is free to endure…