Dreaming God's Dreams

I had a dream.

I know it's sounds cliche, but it's true. I had a dream. I was 24 years old, knocked over by the Spirit of God, who turned my life upside down. I was fairly sheltered, having been raised in a pastor's house all my life. You might say I was cloistered. I had little idea of what the rest of the world was like-- what people who DIDN'T go to church were like. I assumed they were "bad" people.

I had a dream. The intensity of God's Spirit in my life in 1989 knocked me out of my comfort zone completely, and I ended up envisioning myself as a preacher. It was an absurd vision, really. I was horribly, painfully shy. I didn't take any risks. I stayed within the confines of what was "normal" and acceptable. It took the Freight Train-like hit of the Holy Spirit to knock my feet out of the cement-- and I went to seminary.

I had a dream. I went to seminary for four years, two different schools: Drew University Theological School and St. Paul School of Theology. At both places I discovered that I did, in fact, have a brain, and I could think intelligent thoughts, and that people whom I respected thought I had gifts for ministry. It was a terrifying four years, as I was pushed, pulled, knocked around and occasionally stood on the hill with my fist in the air. That Masters of Divinity was hard-won; spiritually, emotionally, as well as intellectually.

And I emerged, a little bruised, with a dream. A dream that I could make changes. That I could -- if not change the world-- change a little bit of it. I dreamed I could help transform lives, stir people up and make them fall in love with Jesus and make them want to change the world for him too. I dreamed I could make people care about those that were different from them, about those who had so little in this world, and who were getting a raw deal. I dreamed I could teach people the things that Jesus taught and the things that he demanded of his disciples/followers. Yeah, for awhile, I also dreamed I'd serve that Big Church and have my name known around the denomination, but mostly I dreamed of Making a Difference.

I've been preaching for 18 years, as of June 10th of this year. I love to preach. I love to wrestle with Scripture, to question it and get others to think. Hopefully. I love caring for people, being there for people when their loved ones are dying, I love baptizing babies and celebrating their place in God's Kingdom.
But I don't know if I have a dream anymore. I dream of God's Kingdom coming; a time when people will stop shooting each other and hating each other. I dream when everyone can live in peace and without fear. I dream of a time when all people will have enough to eat, can work at meaningful work; free of addictions and oppression. I dream of a time when nobody is more important than anyone else, and nobody is treated like garbage. I dream of a day when people can't even remember what it is like to be mean.

But I don't think I dream of making much of a difference in the world. I've seen too much. I've seen too many people that really don't want to think, don't want to learn, don't want to be challenged, and don't have a passion to get out there and work for Jesus. I no longer think, really, that I can make people care, or follow Jesus with great passion, or that I can stir up COMpassion. A lot of people seem more concerned about their own place in heaven, and don't worry too much about the many and very real hells that other people suffer every day on this earth. Call me cynical. Call me tired. I've seen really good, passionate people die too young, while others who don't care keep going and keep spreading misery.

I still dream God's dream, but I tend to wonder now, what is my place in it? What, if anything, does the Church have to do with God's dream? Or will God's dream be carried out by the least likely people, the grass-roots level folks? Is the Church too tied up with money and power struggles and self-preservation to really play a part in God's dream? I don't know. But I do know that I can't make people care if they don't want to care. I can't really get anyone to do anything they don't want to do-- even if it's something Jesus would do. I don't know if we can get people to care what Jesus wants from us; I've been trying for a long time. I just don't know.

But I'm not going to give up dreaming...

"ANY DREAM WILL DO"
Text: Matthew 25:14-30
Faith United
November 16, 2009


I had to do some research for a Theatre class I'm taking
for an oral presentation
The subject of the presentation is
the influence of the Church on medieval theatre
And what I've found is just more than a little bit disturbing
I love theatre
I love live theatre
especially when it's done well
I can enjoy a musical at UNK
just as much as a Broadway production in Omaha
But back in the Dark Ages
The church was very influential in getting rid of live theatre
completely
The Church had a lot more power back then, of course
and used that power to literally BAN certain things in society
So the Church got rid of theatre in the Dark Ages
because they could
Some of it, mind you, had gone a little too far
which is often the case,
we take a good thing and ruin by taking it to extremes
Humankind historically has had a little trouble with BALANCE
We tend to think in terms of All or Nothing
So theatre, with the exception of traveling minstrels and jugglers,
etc., was banned by order of the Church
How it came back in the Middle Ages
was ironically, through the Church
The Church was seeking to teach the Bible to people who couldn't read
and the best way, they found,
was through drama
They already had the seeds of drama in the liturgies of the church
which tells the stories of Creation, the Fall, Sin, etc.,
and finally the beginning of Redemption through Jesus
So they used drama to act it all out,
act out the Bible,
to help people not only hear the stories for themselves
but to remember them by seeing them played out
sometimes they inserted some comedy to keep it interesting,
but if you've ever read the Old Testament,
there's plenty of comedy in there
plenty of absurd behaviors
And out of that, the theatre began to be born again--
no pun intended
and the dramas eventually went out into the streets
to entertain the masses

Eventually, of course, theatre again took on a life of its own
and sometimes told stories that the Church didn't want told
and eventually, the Church disowned the theatre
sometimes even insisting on censorship
I say all of this,
because once again, I am disappointed to see
that throughout history, the Church has had a reputation
for spoiling parties
It seems that the Church doesn't like …. FUN, JOY, GOOD FEELINGS
If you start feeling good, stop!!
get a hold of yourself, slap yourself and never do it again

I had a friend in college
well, she wasn't really my friend, but she thought she was
she wouldn't leave me alone
she was one of the ones who felt that it was her personal calling from God
to convert me away from the Satanic influences of United Methodism
Our sophomore year, she became a Resident Assistant
She really enjoyed that job!
She would go all throughout the dorm floors,
looking for evildoers

You may remember me mentioning that dancing was against the rules
at this Christian college
and of course having a member of the opposite sex
in your room was a no-no
There were designated days called Open Dorm
when we could guys come and visit us
but then we had to leave the door to our room open
and the only other stipulation was that both of you had to
have both feet on the floor
Didn't matter what you did with each other
as long as you had both feet on the floor…
That was kind of a school joke for most of us

But Jennifer, my R.A. was always walking around
with a notebook, like a police officer, ready to write you up
for the slightest indiscretion
One day I had to do an oral presentation in my history of Psychology class
and I was doing the presentation in character
as a 19th century psychologist who smoked a cigar
so I bought a cigar and burned off the end of it
Jennifer wrote me up for having tobacco in my apartment

Another time I had a small gathering for a club I was a part of
and I made Crème De Menthe brownies
and Jennifer wrote me up for having liquer
I never got the sense that Jennifer got any joy at all out of her
relationship with God… call me crazy
She was really big on hell… and she shared it

I've heard or read a lot of sermons on this passage
that I just don't agree with
Some preachers use the passage to say hey!
God has given you talents to use
and you need to use them, share them
and God wants you to sign up for a committee
to spread your talent!
Other sermons use this as a stewardship campaign
it's all about money and investing
God has blessed you with money
and so God says, give it up!
put it in the offering plate
and God will be pleased….
But neither of those really make much sense to me
or they do, but they just don't stir me to action
The preacher wants you to sign up for a committee
or give much needed money for the budget
and so he gets God to make you do it!!
I don’t think that's it…

Jesus told this story not long before he was going to die
He knew he was going to die
He knew he'd made a lot of people mad
He knew that some powerful people believed
he was in fact, not the Son of God,
but more an enemy of God
But we don't do that anymore, do we?
If we disagree with someone in leadership
we don't start spreading vicious rumors
about them that could get 'em killed
by fanatics
Y'know, like they're an Arab, or a Muslim
or worse, they're a Satanist...

Anyway, Jesus is about to get killed, and he knows his time is short
He knows, too, that whatever happens to his ministry
the message that he came to deliver, to teach,
he knows that message is now going to be
in the hands of his disciples
If I were him, I'd be pretty worried…
But he has to make sure that they get it
that they get HIM… .who he is, why he came
what he came to teach
so they can spread that Good News
and little by little work with God
in transforming the world….
And as usual, he tells stories
This one, about a man who goes away for awhile
and entrusts his slaves with his property
He's a very rich man
he must have an awful lot of trust
in his slaves
either that, or he's just plain crazy for leaving
Before he went away, he divided the property up
not equally, mind you,
but he gave 5 talents to one,
2 talents to the other
and just one talent to the third

Talents were forms of money
that were worth 15 years of wages for the average worker
One talent, 15 years of minimum wage
That's a lot of money to put in the hands of someone
who isn't used to having that kind of money available
The man had to be more than just a little bit crazy
But as it turns out, his slaves were honest
better than that, they increased his wealth
The first two slaves doubled his money
We don't know how they did it
but either they were very shrewd
or just very lucky
The third guy kind of freaked out
The master gave him one talent
15 years worth of wages
put it in his hands
It freaked him out
we don't know why, exactly
maybe he didn't trust himself
maybe he knew that he could be tempted by that wealth
and run off with it
maybe he knew he could easily just spend it all, squander it
and leave the master with nothing
he could just imagine the consequences of that!
He'd be whipped, brutally tortured, and die a painful death, he was sure
He knew his master to be a harsh man…
Why did he do this to him?
Why did he let him have that money?
It was almost cruel to tempt him that way
So the slave did the best thing, apparently, that he knew to do
He dug a deep, deep hole and buried the money
But that wasn't enough
He watched over that hole, day and night, night and day
checking again and again
to see if someone had disturbed the soil
to see if there was any evidence that someone had dug it up

When the master returned, he called for an accounting of his wealth
he wanted to know what they did with it
The first two were thrilled to report that they'd made him
an even wealthier man
He was thrilled!
He told them, now that they'd proven themselves as trustworthy
over a few things
now they would be in charge of many things!
Well done, good and trustworthy servants, he said
and I bet they felt so good
He was beaming with joy
The third man approached him
dragging a muddy sack
his eyes were a bit bloodshot
his face looked a little strained
from lack of sleep

"M..master," he said, "I know you to be a harsh man,
and so I was afraid, and so I went and hid your money in the ground.
Here, you have what is yours…."
He laid the money at his master's feet and bowed,
backing away, still wringing his hands

WHAT???? the master was furious
He let the guy have it, called him worthless, lazy, even wicked
and he said, throw him into the outer darkness
where there is only weeping and gnashing of teeth..
And at the end of the story,
Jesus said, "For to all those who have,
more will be given, and they will have an abundance
but to those who have nothing, even what they have
will be taken away…."
Well, what does that mean?
That's the way things are now, I thought Jesus loved the poor!
In fact, in the next story he tells,
he says that we will see his face
in the face of the poor
the weak, those who need mercy and grace from us
and if we turn away the poor, we essentially turn away from Jesus…
So what' s this about?

Well, I've always identified well with that pitiful third slave
What was his problem, anyway??
He was afraid, he said so himself, he was terrified
The master put this magnificent gift in his hands
and by doing so, essentially said, 'you are awesome,
I trust you with my very life and livelihood
and the guy was just a slave

Have you ever received a gift that was just too heavy??
One that was so remarkable
that you uttered those ridiculous words,
"Oh, I can't accept this…."
It doesn't have to be a piece of jewelry
it can be a friendship, a relationship
I think when we truly fall in love,
we have that sense, that, wow, this is too good
I'm not worthy of this
and we are humbled
and some people do push away the gift
The third slave was horribly afraid of the gift
No, no, he said, I can't do this
I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy
I will blow it… and then I will be punished
and so he buried it in the ground
to make sure he didn't screw it up
to make sure he kept control over it

His greatest fears were revealed in that moment
that he was handed that gift
He was afraid of failing
He was afraid of being punished
He was afraid he wasn't trustworthy
So he punished himself before anyone else could
He buried it, buried the magnificent gift
deep in the ground
and then worried, paced, stewed
that even that was enough
He essentially buried his life in that hole
He put everything into that hole
And it makes me think that we are all often like that third slave
We don't know what to do with gift
We don't trust God with adventure or uncertainty
We build rigid boundaries around the Gift
we try to keep it under control
Some people are afraid of losing God
and so we try to keep God within strict boundaries
little boxes that we can understand,
black and white, good or evil, either/or
Heaven or hell, and nothing in between
But trying to protect God is way out of our league
And trying to protect God is not TRUSTING God
The third slave's tragedy
was anyone's tragedy
Whenever we bury the richest treasure we have
we do that by not becoming the person we might have been
by not taking a leap of faith
but not allowing ourselves joy in our love life with God
And so we, too, can cast ourselves into that outer darkness
where there is only weeping and gnashing of teeth
for that is the natural consequence of burying your most
beautiful and sacred treasure
Your body may keep on living,
but your soul is buried, your life is buried
and you are utterly alone
To all those who have, more will be given,
and to those who have nothing, even what they have
will be taken away ….
When we bury our treasures that come from God
we don't grow;
in fact, we shrink more and more
and our light grows ever dimmer
What is Jesus trying to say?
Don't let your light go out in this world
don't use my words for death instead of life
don't hole up in your self-dug graves
and bury the treasure that I am giving you now

The Church historically has a well-earned reputation
of stomping out anything that brings joy, freedom of expression
and absolute fun….
Oh it still goes on…
we still hear of Christians trying to ban this or that
in an effort to keep out all evil
We still hear of Christians bringing judgment and damnation
to an otherwise exhilarating event
In this election it was not about who you voted for and why
but I heard too many people making it about heaven or hell
Christians making other Christians feel evil
for voting for the other guy

Why are we here?
Why do we come here?
Is it just another burden that we bear?
Something we do out of guilt, something
to win points with God?
Do we come because that's what good people do?
They go to church?
Do we come to put in our time?
Check it off for the rest of the week?
Or do we come to be transformed?
Do we come because we find joy here?
Do we come because this is family?
That we have a sense that God has given us a remarkable gift
leaving the future of the Kingdom of God
in our shaky, all-too-human hands?
Do we come, because we remember who we are, truly,
when we are here?
Do we come out of a sense of obligation
or have we opened up our lives
to the extravagant transformation of the Gospel
and to a life of adventure in Jesus Christ?
Do we bury our greatest treasures in the ground
only to spend our time and energy running in mad circles
over things that will not finally last??
I hope you haven't lost that sense of gift
I hope you don't bury that gift in the ground
or up on the highest shelf in your storage room
and wonder why you've lost all sense of joy in living….
The gift is ours, the gift given from a dying friend
who promises that he will live again
and that when he does see us again
that life can be so extraordinary, adventurous,
radically joyous beyond our human comprehension
Choose life--

Living the Beloved Life

"BE A REBEL"
Romans 12:9-21
Faith United
November 9, 2008

In the story of "The Count of Monte Cristo,"
Dantes is a young idealistic man who is in love
He's very naïve about the world
but you can't help but like him
He believes in fairness, honesty, and love
He's a man of God
but he's accused of being overzealous in the God thing
and his friends often think he's just unrealistic
maybe he is
But because of his honesty and trustworthiness
he is made captain of the ship
where he'd once been second mate
Now he has the chance to have everything he wants
`he can afford to marry the woman he adores, Mercedes,
and literally be captain of his own ship

Unfortunately, his best friend Mondego
is insanely jealous of Dantes and his sudden good fortune
so jealous that he seeks to destroy him
He sets him up and collaborates with others to accuse him of treason
There is no trial,
he is simply arrested and taken to a prison
isolated on its own island
He's lost his life, everything he dreamed of
and it was his best friend whom he trusted with his life
who did it to him
He spends 13 years in the prison Chateau D'if
in a small square cell
where he's given a bucket to relieve himself in
and just one bowl of soup a day
On arriving at Chateau d'if, he is brutally whipped
to keep him in line
and on each year-anniversary
he receives a whipping so severe
he can't get up
He has a lot of time to do nothing but think
alone with himself
and in those years of just sitting and thinking
he grows more and more bitter
he thinks over and over about what was done to him
how his best friend framed him
how the love of his life forgot him so abruptly
and married his best friend
He didn't know that Mercedes was immediately told
that Dantes was executed for his treason

In the middle of his imprisonment
a fellow prisoner shows up in Dantes' cell
Abba Farias
He'd been digging his way out to escape
for several years
and his digging led him not to freedom
at the outer wall
but led him to dig right into Dantes cell
Dantes and the old man became friends
through a plan to keep digging
and to work together to escape to the outer wall
which led to the ocean
Dantes called the old man "Priest"
because he was a man from a religious order
who'd also been wrongly accused
but Priest was different from Dantes
he still believed in God, trusted God
and didn't allow the bitterness of 8 years of wrongful imprisonment
to change him
As they dug, Priest taught Dantes all kinds of things
He taught him to read, first
then he taught him philosophy, economics,
politics, literally gave him a well-rounded education
He even taught to fight with a sword
with the promise that if Dantes was ever freed
he would only use his fighting for justice and not for revenge
Dantes only became more and more bitter
and told Priest freely of his desire to get out and seek revenge
on those who destroyed his life
They dug for about 5 years, and saw evidence that they were close
to the surface
when the tunnel collapsed on Priest and despite getting out
he died
Before he died, he made Dantes promise him
to use his gifts only for good
Dantes promised, just because he loved the old man
but he didn't give up his thirst for revenge
Dantes finally managed to escape
when they came for the old man's body
The old man had left him a map
that led to a buried treasure on another island
Through a series of adventures and manipulations
Dantes attains the treasure
which is of unending worth
and therefore gives him power
and he begins to unravel his plans
for revenge upon all who ever wronged him
He'd once been naïve,
too trusting, almost unrealistically good
and pure of heart
Now he was cold, unfeeling and bitter
he wasn't moved by the sight of death and blood anymore
he no longer believed in God,
but only in human justice
He had every opportunity to ruin the lives
of those who had ruined his
he didn't want to kill them
he wanted them to live and to suffer as he had
He managed to ruin those lives
to destroy them slowly, painfully,
and leave them with nothing
as they had done to him
but it was never enough
He found Mercedes, again, once the love of his life
but he felt nothing for her
because his thirst for revenge
replaced every other feeling in his heart
He was cold and unmoved
But it was her love for him
that finally transformed him
that finally got through to his heart
that reminded him who he really was
that made him see that he didn't want to be
like the others who had attempted to destroy him
They had inevitably destroyed themselves
in their jealousy and lust
But Mercedes made Dantes see
that he was still himself
and didn't have to lose himself in his bitterness
He was transformed by her love, finally
And he bought the island and prison of Chateau d'if
shut it down as a prison
he returned there to show Mercedes
where he'd lived all those years
and also to say goodbye to Priest
and to renew his promise to use all his gifts for good
as a gift to the old man's memory …

All of us understand bitterness
none of us would really blame Dantes
for getting out and being so ticked off and bitter
that he'd want to destroy his enemies
people he had trusted
None of us would blame him for thinking himself naïve
for ever trusting at all
I remember when Nelson Mandela got out of prison
after 27 years
I was in seminary at the time
and I remember thinking, what will he do?
How can he go on with his life
after losing that many years in prison?
How can he even be healthy? Mentally? Emotionally?
And yet he went on to be the president of South Africa
Silly me
I was a toddler in the 60s
but I see clips of Martin Luther King, jr.
and read his sermons and writings
and I wonder how he went on
after having his house bombed
or after those four little girls were killed by a bomb
in Sunday School
He knew they were going to kill him
how did he go on?
What made him keep going on in the face of all that hostility
and certain violence?
Gandhi, instructed his followers to not retaliate
in the face of violence
to stand against getting hit
to never raise a fist to fight back
He once said,
"An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth
will only leave the world blind and toothless.."
Gandhi wasn't a Christian,
He was a Hindu,
and yet much of what he did
and much of how he lived his life
was deeply influenced by the teachings of Jesus Christ
And HIS teachings informed Martin Luther King, Jr.
But it's unrealistic!!
This turn the other cheek stuff
this don't return evil for evil
surely Jesus didn't mean that literally
St. Paul thought he did
He wrote,
"Bless those who persecute you, bless and do not curse them.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep
Live in harmony with one another
Do not repay evil for evil but take thought for what is noble
in the sight of all..
Beloved, he says, do not avenge yourselves, but leave
room for the wrath of God…'
In other words, it is only God's right to avenge evil
if that's what God chooses
When we seek revenge, we are playing God
For it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord…"
Vengeance is only God's choice
Do not be overcome by evil, be overcome evil with good."
That's unrealistic, isn't it?
I mean, yeah, I'm a Christian
but when somebody hurts me, I want to hurt them back
that turn the other cheek stuff is not possible
We all understand that…
Why did Jesus even say that?
Nikita Khruschev once said,
"The difference between Christianity and Communism is great.
When someone strikes you on the face
you turn the other cheek
If you strike me on the face
I'll hit you so hard your head will fall off."


Sigmund Freud wrote:
"One must forgive one's enemies --but not before
they have been hanged."
We might chuckle, but deep down, I think we agree
When someone messes with us, we want to mess back
How many people do you know that have just grown old and bitter?
They are not happy
They recite to you and to anyone who will listen
the wrongs that have been done to them
and they nurse that hurt
until it makes them ugly
It's easy to play the victim
to believe that the world or even God is out to get us
when things go bad
We like songs like "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue"
you mess with America, dude, we'll mess with you
we'll wipe you out…
That is accepted
that will win us a place at the bar
among friends
Not trying to follow Jesus--
and I don't mean just believing in Jesus and going to church
faith is not a noun, it's a verb
We can't just comfortably claim our future in heaven
and act like we never met the man Jesus
or heard a word that he said
Christians talk about being persecuted in this current nation
as if that's a bad thing --
as if we're supposed to be the most popular
as if everyone is supposed to agree with us
Jesus stayed true to his own teachings
that came from God
that got him killed
Those teachings got King and Gandhi killed
and they always knew that was a possibility
St. Paul says "Let love be genuine.
Hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good,
love one another with mutual affection
outdo one another in showing honor.
Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit
serve the Lord.
Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in spirit
Contribute to the needs of the saints
extend hospitality to strangers."
You don't need to be a Mother Teresa or King or Gandhi
to follow Christ
It's hard enough following Christ
in our everyday lives
I've already just this past week
the comment about President elect Obama:
"well, he won't last
The Klan will get him, we don't have to worry."
This was someone who would turn around
and tell you they go to church every Sunday
I would venture to say
that going to church hasn't done a thing for this person
You can hate, you can be bitter
you can conform to the rest of the world
you can speak evil, spread gossip
and act righteous
but don't do it while claiming the name of Jesus

Today we have a gift
We are invited again
to witness the baptism of another one of God's children
She's innocent
she's wide open
Abbie is relying on you and me and her parents
to teach her about faith in Jesus
just as all the other kids in our church do
They're looking to us
to see why any of us bother to come here
why we bother to talk about Jesus
and whether it makes a difference at all in the world

If we act like the rest of the world
then it doesn't make a difference at all
We're wasting our time
Sure, we want to have friends
we don't want them to think we're naïve
or stupid or soft
we want to fit in
just as much as we did in middle school
We don't want people to get mad at us
or to get angry at us
or to think we're just high and mighty
but we belong to Christ
and that's what Abbie reminds us of today
We are lifting her up today
as God's newest child
We're celebrating that she is claimed --
was claimed before she was born --
to be a child of God
we're celebrating that God chose to create her here
among us
and her baptism, like anyone elses'
is a chance for us to remember that we are forever marked
by that water as well
we are forever chosen to be God's beloved
and as God's beloved, we represent the parent
we represent the Family
What we do and who we become
is a reflection on the family, the kingdom to which we belong

It's hard to be different
it's hard to be a people of peace
in a world so bent on hate and revenge
It's hard to love and speak peace
when those closest to us are joining in the bitterest conversations
and speaking frightening words of hate
Today, we remember that we are responsible for all our children
all the children that pass through this church
and through our lives
what will we teach them?
What will they see in us?
What will they learn?
You and I and Abbie, and all our precious children
are beloved, baptized children of the Creator through Jesus Christ
We're already marked as different
we already stand out in a crowd
when we speak, when we are in the midst of debate
when we are out there
imagine turning around and seeing Jesus
what is doing?
Is he weeping?
Or is he smiling?

Jesus would rather die
than betray the Creator of the universe
Jesus would rather die
than forget who he is, and his calling to embody the Spirit of God
Today Abbie is the one who is told by God
"You are my beloved, with you I am well pleased."
The same words heard at our baptism
We all belong to God --
we are all beloved….

The Company of Heaven

“FOREVER”
Psalm 23
Faith United
November 2, 2008


In October of 2001, I went on a spiritual retreat
at a place called Kirkridge, in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania
I had registered for the retreat before September
because I was already going through some painful things
in my own life

And then September 11th happened

There were about 15-20 of us on that retreat
that was led by a woman named Flora Slosson Wuellner
All of us were still shaken when we gathered that weekend

Have you ever felt completely washed out?
You’ve cried so much, you’re just raw
and shaky, trembly in body and spirit
Physically you barely have the energy to walk
much less face the day
That’s how I arrived at Kirkridge that October weekend
One afternoon, the retreat leader sent us off by ourselves
she instructed us to simply walk
and pray to be open to what glimpses of heaven
God was giving us
I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do
and of course I wanted to do it just right
but nonetheless, I ventured off into the woods
on the side of the mountain

In the woods of Pennsylvania,
you often find yourself engulfed in trees
you look up and there is a ceiling of trees
like a natural cathedral
I walked over rocks and logs
deep into the woods
and I came upon a little area
that someone had cleared
There was a big rock
and on the rock were small offerings
a little pile of stones
some beautiful fall leaves
a pine cone
it seemed as if someone had made that rock
an altar, and put on that altar little offerings of beauty
They’d placed a couple of larger stones near the altar
that were arranged as if someone had sat on them
to worship at their primitive altar
I was surrounded by trees
and there was just enough of a break between the branches
above me to allow the sun and blue sky
to appear and shine on me as if a spotlight
Someone had stopped here in the woods
moved by the natural beauty of God’s own cathedral
and built an altar to say thank you
There were many moments like that for me that weekend
moments that served as a balm to my soul
and to others as we all returned and shared our experiences
out there alone with God in the woods

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for thou art with me….”
All of us knew that we’d return on Monday to a harsh world
that was bent on revenge
we knew that the world was about to explode wide open
in the wake of the attacks
but for a moment, we could all find rest for our souls
a balm in Gilead, to refresh us and strengthen us
for the dark valleys we would return to

Times like that for me are times that I feel like
I’m standing on the border between heaven and earth
Times when heaven feels so close you can almost touch it
like you get just a glimpse of the glory
enough to whet your appetite and keep you searching
and believing
no matter what chaos is happening around you
We don’t talk about heaven much
and I don’t even like to use the word heaven
because it has too much baggage with it
I prefer to talk about Eternity
On the side of that mountain amidst the many colors of Pennsylvania
in the fall
the harsh images of the burning trade towers
were just a dark moment in time
and for moments at a time, some of us could see
the Bigger Picture

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
-- and we all knew that much more death was coming….
“I will fear no evil, for thou art with me…”

We don’t talk about Eternity much
except when someone dies
and it’s a matter of life and death, literally
and yet in the Church, all of our rituals point to the hope of eternity
We didn’t talk about death much when I was growing up
it was part of the culture, though,
back East, people can live comfortably in denial of death
Here, in the rural Midwest, life and death is all around you
a part of your everyday lives
in the land, in the livestock, in the crops,
in farm life, and in the unpredictability of the weather
and its impact on your lives
But still, we try not to talk about death much
and so we don’t talk about eternity
unless of course we’re figuring out who goes where in the end

Maybe we don’t talk about it
because even with the good news of eternity
it’s still a major unknown
a vast, mysterious, endless mystery
that we can’t begin to comprehend
but I think if we remembered every day
that we are standing on the border between the now and the not-yet
between earth and heaven
then that might give us some perspective
When we talk of heaven or eternity,
we think of people in white clothes, walking on clouds
with a bright light behind them
Or of course there’s the angels with harps
Maybe even a yellow brick road of pure gold
Hollywood has affected us more than we know…

Jesus didn’t tell us a whole lot about eternity
but I think that’s because he knew we couldn’t understand
how can you describe timelessness to people
bound in time?
How do you express everlasting life
to a people in live in a world haunted and bullied by death?
He told us, ‘don’t worry,’ there is a place for us in God’s eternity
a place especially prepared for you and me
a home like we’ve never known
He basically said, trust me on this
He told the thief on the cross,
“today you will be with me in Paradise.”
Paradise
Eternity
We try not to think about it too much
but when someone we love dies
it becomes imperative that we know something
that we believe
we have to know that our loved ones are ok
that we will see them again
and yet no one can give us definite answers
only glimpses, only poetry
that calls us to believe and trust in something we can’t comprehend

“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord …. FOREVER.”
The Hebrew word for Follow actually means “pursue”
goodness and mercy shall pursue me all the days of my life
and then I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever….
Goodness and mercy are in pursuit of us
Look at your life
look at times when you can see now,
that love was pursuing you and you didn’t know it
Goodness and mercy in hot pursuit …
and then there are those times where you were caught off guard
and they found you, tackled you, embraced you
I believe those times are times when God
is trying to give us a glimpse of eternity
of the beauty we can know now,
that is only a shadow of what we will know and live forever
Why should we think of eternity now, when we’re healthy or young
or not planning on dying anytime soon?
I think knowing that we are children of eternity
puts perspective on our lives right now

In our communion liturgy, we say,
“And so, with your people on earth,
and all the company of heaven
we praise your name and join their unending hymn…
“Holy, Holy, holy, Lord, God of power and might…”
We’re saying in that, that we are singing God’s praise right now
not only with the people here with us
but with all the company of heaven
and we are joining their unending hymn…
We are singing with the company of heaven…
To be a Christian, is to be a part of the company of heaven
even when our feet are stuck in the mud of earth
This relationship goes on and on and on for all eternity
even now, even when we’re separated by the thin veil
that exists between heaven and earth
To live our lives on that boundary
to remember that we’ve got one foot on earth
and the other foot in eternity
reminds us that whatever we face here
whatever the world is going through
it’s just a moment in history, a small dot in the course of eternity
and that there is no time that we are without the presence of that eternal God

Moving around as much as I have
I don’t have friendships that have spanned a long history of years
except ONE
I’ve known my friend Ed, whom I consider a lifelong mentor,
I’ve known Ed for 28 years now
Ed’s letters are always a gift of grace and have been
since I was a teenager
Several years ago, he ended one of his letters
with the words, “I give thanks for the special relationship
which you, God and I have had for years, and which we will continue
to have into eternity…”
I was struck with those words
and have never forgotten them
and they gave me a new perspective
on the connections we have with one another on this earth
as live in the shadow of eternity
We can literally be friends forever,
when we’re connected through God

I believe our most treasured, beautiful moments of life
are just foretastes, samples, of eternity
foretastes of what it’s like to be blessed forever

In Christianity, heaven is often referred to as a banquet
we do like food, don’t we?
But I think, too, the image of the heavenly banquet
is more an image of the fellowship of all believers
of all God’s precious children
gathered together,
We’ll all speak the same language
whatever heaven-language is…
we’ll all be bound together in love
and grace and mercy, and won’t be broken by differences
or culture or personality
there will be peace that we can’t even begin to comprehend
There are moments, like me finding that altar in the woods
moments when we know for sure that there is MORE
more than we can see, more than we can imagine
and sometimes that more can only be expressed in poetry,
in music, and in art
because mere words are too limited

“I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever…”
is a statement of faith
And of course the details will be fuzzy until we get there
We get so bogged down by reality, but THIS reality
so filled with fear and paranoia
so angry and broken sometimes
that it’s hard to believe in something we can’t see
or understand

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross spent her life and career
studying death and grief
she worked with thousands and thousands of people
who shared their experiences with her
She tells the story of a 12 year old girl who came back
from a near-death experience
she was afraid to tell her parents what a beautiful experience
dying in a car accident was for her
She finally had to talk about it, though
and she told her father how beautiful dying was for her
and how she didn’t want to come back
In fact, she said, not only did she experience light and openheartedness
but she had met someone who said he was her brother
who told her she was going to be just fine
“He loved me so much,” she said, “and loved you and Mom, too..
“How could I have seen someone who said he was my brother
when I don’t have a brother?”
Her father began to cry and told her,
“You did have a brother, but he died before you were born,
we wanted to tell you when you got older.”

Paul says in his letter to the Corinthians,
“Now we see in a mirror dimly, but then we will see face to face.”
Willa Cather once wrote:”
“The miracles of the Church seem to me to rest not so much
upon faces or voices or healing power coming suddenly near
to us from afar,
but upon our perceptions being made finer,
so that for a moment our eyes can see
and our ears can hear what there is about us always…”

Again, I grew up in a place where you never saw death
it was reserved for hospitals
it was always somewhere else
because, really, no one wanted to see it, to face it
But I think that when you walk to the edge of this life with someone
you have the gift of getting a glimpse of eternity
“yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil, for thou art with me….”

I’ve never been so involved in the whole experience of death
as I was with my friend Karen
Usually I’m called in at the last minute
or usually not even called until it’s over
and I have the funeral
Many times it’s someone I don’t know well
Or someone who died suddenly, not knowing it was coming
But Karen and I got to talk a lot
conversations you just don’t have with most people
She wasn’t afraid, and so I was less afraid
She said she knew that God was waiting
Walking through that with her, gave me courage
gave me a whole new perspective on death and eternity
It was like she just had to go somewhere else
she didn’t want to leave any of us
but she learned to accept that she had to
One day, during the last week of her life
She was strangely enthusiastic
She looked out her window at the lake
She marveled at all the gifts that she’d been given in her life
she marveled at her family, her friends, the lake, her home,
She told me about a commercial where a little boy
just threw up his hands and said enthusiastically,
“it’s all beautiful!”
And she said to me, about her own life, “it’s all beautiful…!”
and she smiled

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for thou art with me….”
She could see then, how goodness and mercy had pursued her all her life
and she was grateful
The night she died was the least scary of all the days
I spent with her,
and it was holy
It was ok
I could know in my bones that death wasn’t so bad
and that the connections we make through love
are connections that will never end
relationships that will go on through eternity
just like Ed said
Life and death, birth, all of it is in God’s hands

The day that Abbie Miller was born,
I got to see her before her mother did
Adam and I stood in whatever room that was
where she was laying under the warming lights
and I held her little hand and stroked her arms and face
marveling again at the beauty of new life
and giving thanks that she was born at a time
when we all needed a little new life among us
and for a moment, I got an overwhelming image in my mind
of Karen talking to Abbie before she came to us
and of Karen telling Abbie what wonderful parents
she was going to have
because that’s just something Karen would do…
and because I believe that in eternity there is no time
and what seems like forever to us is just a second in eternity

Today we remember that we are part of the company of heaven
that they are not that faraway
that we stand on the boundary between heaven and earth
and we are holy
and when we sing or weep or laugh or give praise to God
we do it right along with those whom we love
who we can’t see right now
but can trust are tasting the everlasting beauty
and relentless mercy and goodness
that pursues us all
And it’s all beautiful….