My daughter Sarah turns 15 on June 3rd. When she was a baby, I foresaw that as a disaster. As I changed her diapers, gave her baths, cuddled her close as a baby, I worried about that seemingly far-off day when she would be a teenager and hate me. I read the magazine articles, I read the book, "Reviving Ophelia," and I probably, at moments, held her so tight she could hardly breathe. If I did, I imagine she cried out and I mistook it for a gas bubble.
In my imagination, I was sure at 15 she would be surly, moody, distant. Perhaps she'd wear too much black eyeliner, play loud music with her door closed, beg to go to parties and come home smelling funny, and I'd be worrying about her getting pregnant.
God must be laughing. Sarah doesn't wear any eyeliner, and doesn't even worry too much about the latest fashions. T-shirts and jeans are her favorite outfit, topped off with a headscarf or one of her 30-some hats. She plays her music loud, especially while she's doing the dishes. In fact, it takes her forever to get the dishes done, because she's off in a fantasy world, loudly performing songs from "Rent," "Phantom of the Opera," "Mamma Mia!" or "West Side Story"-- belting the words out louder than the soundtracks. When she's not performing on Broadway in her mind, she's singing and dancing along to Elvis, Creedance Clearwater Revival, Bruce Springsteen, or one of the many hits on the Oldies radio station. She's not at all what I expected or worried about 15 years ago!
Sarah loves me. She does think I'm a little weird, but I guess I am. But she actually spends time with me-- on purpose! We like to ride to Kearney, with the radio blasting, the windows open, and she gets mad if I'm not singing along, whereby she'll give me a gentle Gibbs-slap to the back of the head. We like to go to one of the parks and read together, when it's warm. Sometimes she'll take along one of her notebooks in which she's writing her latest novel, Fan Fiction, or short stories. We talk about pretty much anything, and very openly.
We both love Diet Dr. Pepper, and almost always get a 32-oz. to go, sometimes with an order of chocolate chip cookies. We both have an odd fascination and love for the characters of NCIS, and even talk about their histories, what will happen next in their lives, and spontaneously quote lines from the show. Sometimes it sounds like these people are our crazy relatives that we don't get to see very often, but we love them very much.
Recently, Sarah found some of my journals from junior high and early high school. She's found them to be very entertaining reading, and I am thrown back into remembering what I was like at her age. I didn't have near the amount of confidence that she does, nor did I enjoy life all that much. Sarah is very different from what I was back then, although I, like she, did bury myself in books and writing tomes. Sarah has always been very enthusastic about life. I thought it was a toddler thing. But she hasn't lost that in her spirit, and I pray she never will. She reminds me to be enthusiastic about the little things. Like a Diet Dr. Pepper! Or a new episode of NCIS!! Or a favorite song coming on the radio!! I thought she'd burst a blood vessel when we took her to Graceland a couple of years ago!
Not only does she love Elvis Presley's music (that started with "Lilo and Stitch"), but she's read a lot about his life, death and legacy. It's given her compassion for people who struggle and do stupid things in their hurt. She knows Elvis was anything but a god, but appreciates the gift he had that was his blessing and curse. I think it gives her a sensitivity to what the world does with people who have unearthly talent, and how we end up destroying the things that we love so passionatley. She gets very angry when someone flippantly refers to Elvis' tragic end, or makes fun of it.
I know someday in the not-too-distant future my "little buddy" will be off making a life of her own, and I'll have to drink my Diet Dr. Pepper alone... sigh. But I love watching her grow, mature and learn, although at times it breaks my heart to see her learn how tough the world can be on someone with heart. I will never understand how people treat parenthood so flippantly and lightly. It is one of the greatest gifts I've been given. I just wish I could go back in time and assure that young, nervous mother with a newborn infant, "it'll be ok, just do your best. Just love her, take good care of her, and put her in God's hands for the rest. Keep breathing!!"
Or as Dory the Fish says in "Finding Nemo," "Just keep swimming, swimming, just keep swimming..."
Life is good.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Remember
Hebrews 11:29-12:2
May 24, 2009
Months after a very dear friend of mine
died of pancreatic cancer,
I had a dream of her
Her cancer had been brief, by some standards
but it had been painful and terrible
One night I had a dream that my friend and I were
on opposite sides of a table
and we were sorting some kind of grain
and in the midst of our work, she said to me,
“The tests are going to turn out fine…”
Startled, I looked up and blurted out,
“No, they’re not, not at all…”
She looked back down at her work
and said, “Yeah, they will…”
I stopped what I was doing and started crying
and I said to her,
“No, they’re not going to turn out fine at all…”
Then she looked at me, realizing what I was saying
She then reached out and took both of my hands in hers
and said, “Well, then, remember me… please.
Remember me.”
Do you ever have a dream that feels so real
that you wake up feeling like you were actually with the person?
You can still feel the touch of their skin on yours,
you still have that physical warmth
from where they hugged you
and you don’t want to breathe or move
lest the feeling stop…?
Do you ever have a dream that feels like more than a dream?
But more a message for your heart and soul?
That was one of those dreams
and I still think about it a lot
“Remember me, please. Remember me.”
At the time,
all my remembering was full of a pain so intense
I could hardly stand it
and I needed a break
I needed distractions
I needed to NOT remember….
But now I remember more freely and more often
I remember our connection
and it gives me comfort
I remember our talks, even our tears
I remember times that we just sat in the quiet together
because there really wasn’t anything to say at the time
but it was ok
I remember laughter and a lot of love
Someone once said to me
that memory is a means of grace
I didn’t really understand that at the time
but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense
I can close my eyes and be still
and I can travel all over the place in my memory
I can go be with the people that I miss
I can remember, and re-experience their presence with me
their love, their joy, the lessons that they brought me
Sometimes it’s funny how memories work
sometimes memories flood us unexpectedly
with no warning
Things or people we haven’t thought about for years
and suddenly, we can’t get them out of our minds
Sometimes we are taken back in time
in just a moment
We hear a song
we return to a place
someone just says a phrase
and suddenly we are bombarded with memories
Déjà vu can be that way
we feel like we’ve been here before
or done or said that exact same thing before
sometimes we remember what or when it was
sometimes we never do
but we know without a doubt we’ve been in this moment before
The body and mind is a powerful, mysterious thing
everything that ever happened to us,
everyone we ever met
everything we’ve ever done
it’s all inside of us somewhere
even when we think we forgot
it’s there
and the strangest things can call them forward
Sometimes we work very hard not to remember
there are things that we wished we could forget
mistakes we made,
relationships that shattered us in some way
And we try to stay busy,
keep the T.V. on at home
keep the music on in the car
try to keep the noise on at all times
so that we don’t find ourselves alone with our thoughts
so that we don’t come crashing into things we’d much rather forget
“Remember me,” my friend said in my dream
“Please, remember me.”
And I remember the criminal on the cross next to Jesus
All three of them were painfully dying
and were being horribly humiliated
People throwing insults and spewing hate
on all three men
as if crucifixion was not painful enough
and in the midst of it, the thief says to Jesus
“Jesus, remember me, when you come into your kingdom.”
What kingdom?
They were both being tortured to death
publicly humiliated
and would ultimately be thrown out like garbage
“remember me…when you come into your kingdom.”
And Jesus turned to him and said,
“Today, I will see you in paradise..”
‘Remember me…’
We all want to be remembered
and remembered well
Memory is a means of grace
It’s always amazing to me
that someone could have just suffered the most horrible loss
suddenly, with no warning
and a day or two later,
we’re gathered in the living room
under the formality of preparing for the funeral
and where once people were just moments ago inconsolable
they are changed by the telling of stories
the whole spirit of the room is transformed for those moments
They remember out loud
they tell stories of their loved one
maybe stories they hadn’t thought of in forever
suddenly come flowing out, faster than I can write them down
Of course, there’s always stories that some people may say,
“You don’t want to share this in the service, but I gotta tell you…”
And we all laugh
one story sparks another
Grown people remember something that the person did
when they were just a child
a way they comforted them
little things that they did that was special between just them
The little things that person did
as simple as laying on the floor to watch T.V.
or the old shirt they’d never stop wearing
no matter how worn out and ugly it was
Their special chair
their favorite food or grown-up toy
Sometimes the crazy, cute things they did
long after their own memory had failed them
and they were like children again
but there was still that spark of who they’d always been
that would come out in unexpected times
A song they used to sing
a silly nickname
Things we would under no other circumstances share with each other
because we spend so much time
trying to avoid talking about the things closest to our hearts
we’ll talk about anything at all
except those things that matter most to us
But somehow, death gives us permission to tell
to open up in a way that we won’t at any other time
and for that window of time
we have access to each other’s hearts
and an unspoken trust
that it’s ok to tell
“Remember me.. please.”
We want our lives to matter to someone
In the movie, “Shall We Dance?”
Susan Sarandon’s character says that finally,
a good marriage is about witnessing someone else’s life
knowing that someone is paying attention
that our life is seen by another and valued
because we all need to know we matter
In the Book of Hebrews,
it tells the stories of all those who have gone before us in the faith
people who walked with God
who trusted God
But really, the whole Bible is about remembering
remembering what God has done
and remembering what God promises yet to do
These people in the Bible
were no more extraordinary than you or me
some of them were much worse off than you and I
will ever be
some of them never got the hang of relationships
and really messed them up
and yet their lives are written down
remembered, both the good and the bad
the beauty and the ugliness all together
because that’s what life is
None of them had a stress-free life
all of them faced really difficult and terrible things
and lived to tell
Some of the stories are told more than once in the Bible
some of the names are more well-known than others
but even those crazy names that we can’t pronounce
are written down too
We may not even know their story
but somebody does
somebody witnessed their lives on this earth
And because we are the people of God
we don’t believe that those lives are over
but that we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses
which means that life is eternal
and there are times and places
where the veil between this life and the next
is very thin
I believe our dreams are a place where we find ourselves
a little closer to that other side
and can even touch, however briefly,
those who are no longer physically with us
but who are very much alive still
Love is the mysterious power that God has given us
that reaches beyond this life
that connects us to those who are no longer bound by time
No wonder love can be such a frightening thing!
It is powerful, powerful enough to connect us
even when we are not with each other
Memory is a means of grace
Remembering is a way that we can reconnect
with what we thought was lost forever
As I said, we remember sometimes, when we don’t want to
but there are many times, like Memorial Day tomorrow
that we remember on purpose
We humans have always found ways to make rituals
to do things to honor each other
in life and in death
Some of those rituals are thousands of years old
but we are always coming up with new ways of giving honor
Gathering in the cemetery tomorrow
placing flowers on the graves
singing songs, telling stories
raising flags, even doing some of the things
that our loved ones loved to do when they were here
There is something inside of us
that gives voice to our love and the people that we cherish
something that gives us the ideas of what to do
that will comfort and give hope
Ways of remembering on purpose
And maybe, secretly, we wonder how our own lives
will be remembered and honored
when it’s our turn
if someone will care enough to remember our favorite song
or remember the little things of our lives
that will make for great stories
In the meantime, the stories of those who have gone on before us
those who parted seas, proved their faith in heroic ways
or simply loved in simple, quiet ways
that don’t make for blockbuster movies, perhaps
but have the power to change a life
those stories remind us
that we have survived, you and me
Whatever terrible things happened to us along the way
whatever blood we shed, figuratively or literally
however many times our hearts were shattered
whether we got those awards or signs of achievement
or if our lives were just simple and quiet
loving and peaceful in ways we hope is noticed
we have survived
we are still here
still capable of loving and laughing
still capable of sharing and giving
and touching the lives around us
We’ve made mistakes, taken wrong turns
done some stupid things, really, but we are still here to tell
So to what do we give our thanks?
Our lucky stars?
Our guardian angels?
I believe the song when it says,
“grace has brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead us home…”
We can thank God and God’s immeasurable grace
that we are still here, still alive,
and that our hearts are still capable of loving and giving
that there is still laughter in us and joy
The same God who got those crazy Israelites through the desert
the same God who set a bush on fire
to get Moses going
the same God who saved the skins of those bumbling descendents
of Abraham and Sarah
who couldn’t seem to get their lives together
but managed to survive and thrive
only by the grace of God
That same God gives us the power to go on
to love again even after our hearts are broken
to live still, even after our soulmate has died
to make stories of our lives
even when we don’t think we’re all that special
‘Remember,’ God says again and again
and made sure that we remembered
by getting a lot of folks to keep telling the stories
until they were actually written down
Remember the survivors who have gone on
whose stories make us laugh, cry,
and even be inspired at moments
For life is a gift
a precious, holy gift,
in all its absurdities
Frederick Buechner wrote, “To remember the past is to see
that we are here today only by grace
that we have survived as a gift…”
This weekend we remember on purpose again
But with our remembering, let us also wait
wait for the promise yet to be fulfilled
wait for the future that is still a mystery
and a gift
remember and wait
remember and expect the good things of God
remember, and hope
always, always hope in God
May 24, 2009
Months after a very dear friend of mine
died of pancreatic cancer,
I had a dream of her
Her cancer had been brief, by some standards
but it had been painful and terrible
One night I had a dream that my friend and I were
on opposite sides of a table
and we were sorting some kind of grain
and in the midst of our work, she said to me,
“The tests are going to turn out fine…”
Startled, I looked up and blurted out,
“No, they’re not, not at all…”
She looked back down at her work
and said, “Yeah, they will…”
I stopped what I was doing and started crying
and I said to her,
“No, they’re not going to turn out fine at all…”
Then she looked at me, realizing what I was saying
She then reached out and took both of my hands in hers
and said, “Well, then, remember me… please.
Remember me.”
Do you ever have a dream that feels so real
that you wake up feeling like you were actually with the person?
You can still feel the touch of their skin on yours,
you still have that physical warmth
from where they hugged you
and you don’t want to breathe or move
lest the feeling stop…?
Do you ever have a dream that feels like more than a dream?
But more a message for your heart and soul?
That was one of those dreams
and I still think about it a lot
“Remember me, please. Remember me.”
At the time,
all my remembering was full of a pain so intense
I could hardly stand it
and I needed a break
I needed distractions
I needed to NOT remember….
But now I remember more freely and more often
I remember our connection
and it gives me comfort
I remember our talks, even our tears
I remember times that we just sat in the quiet together
because there really wasn’t anything to say at the time
but it was ok
I remember laughter and a lot of love
Someone once said to me
that memory is a means of grace
I didn’t really understand that at the time
but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense
I can close my eyes and be still
and I can travel all over the place in my memory
I can go be with the people that I miss
I can remember, and re-experience their presence with me
their love, their joy, the lessons that they brought me
Sometimes it’s funny how memories work
sometimes memories flood us unexpectedly
with no warning
Things or people we haven’t thought about for years
and suddenly, we can’t get them out of our minds
Sometimes we are taken back in time
in just a moment
We hear a song
we return to a place
someone just says a phrase
and suddenly we are bombarded with memories
Déjà vu can be that way
we feel like we’ve been here before
or done or said that exact same thing before
sometimes we remember what or when it was
sometimes we never do
but we know without a doubt we’ve been in this moment before
The body and mind is a powerful, mysterious thing
everything that ever happened to us,
everyone we ever met
everything we’ve ever done
it’s all inside of us somewhere
even when we think we forgot
it’s there
and the strangest things can call them forward
Sometimes we work very hard not to remember
there are things that we wished we could forget
mistakes we made,
relationships that shattered us in some way
And we try to stay busy,
keep the T.V. on at home
keep the music on in the car
try to keep the noise on at all times
so that we don’t find ourselves alone with our thoughts
so that we don’t come crashing into things we’d much rather forget
“Remember me,” my friend said in my dream
“Please, remember me.”
And I remember the criminal on the cross next to Jesus
All three of them were painfully dying
and were being horribly humiliated
People throwing insults and spewing hate
on all three men
as if crucifixion was not painful enough
and in the midst of it, the thief says to Jesus
“Jesus, remember me, when you come into your kingdom.”
What kingdom?
They were both being tortured to death
publicly humiliated
and would ultimately be thrown out like garbage
“remember me…when you come into your kingdom.”
And Jesus turned to him and said,
“Today, I will see you in paradise..”
‘Remember me…’
We all want to be remembered
and remembered well
Memory is a means of grace
It’s always amazing to me
that someone could have just suffered the most horrible loss
suddenly, with no warning
and a day or two later,
we’re gathered in the living room
under the formality of preparing for the funeral
and where once people were just moments ago inconsolable
they are changed by the telling of stories
the whole spirit of the room is transformed for those moments
They remember out loud
they tell stories of their loved one
maybe stories they hadn’t thought of in forever
suddenly come flowing out, faster than I can write them down
Of course, there’s always stories that some people may say,
“You don’t want to share this in the service, but I gotta tell you…”
And we all laugh
one story sparks another
Grown people remember something that the person did
when they were just a child
a way they comforted them
little things that they did that was special between just them
The little things that person did
as simple as laying on the floor to watch T.V.
or the old shirt they’d never stop wearing
no matter how worn out and ugly it was
Their special chair
their favorite food or grown-up toy
Sometimes the crazy, cute things they did
long after their own memory had failed them
and they were like children again
but there was still that spark of who they’d always been
that would come out in unexpected times
A song they used to sing
a silly nickname
Things we would under no other circumstances share with each other
because we spend so much time
trying to avoid talking about the things closest to our hearts
we’ll talk about anything at all
except those things that matter most to us
But somehow, death gives us permission to tell
to open up in a way that we won’t at any other time
and for that window of time
we have access to each other’s hearts
and an unspoken trust
that it’s ok to tell
“Remember me.. please.”
We want our lives to matter to someone
In the movie, “Shall We Dance?”
Susan Sarandon’s character says that finally,
a good marriage is about witnessing someone else’s life
knowing that someone is paying attention
that our life is seen by another and valued
because we all need to know we matter
In the Book of Hebrews,
it tells the stories of all those who have gone before us in the faith
people who walked with God
who trusted God
But really, the whole Bible is about remembering
remembering what God has done
and remembering what God promises yet to do
These people in the Bible
were no more extraordinary than you or me
some of them were much worse off than you and I
will ever be
some of them never got the hang of relationships
and really messed them up
and yet their lives are written down
remembered, both the good and the bad
the beauty and the ugliness all together
because that’s what life is
None of them had a stress-free life
all of them faced really difficult and terrible things
and lived to tell
Some of the stories are told more than once in the Bible
some of the names are more well-known than others
but even those crazy names that we can’t pronounce
are written down too
We may not even know their story
but somebody does
somebody witnessed their lives on this earth
And because we are the people of God
we don’t believe that those lives are over
but that we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses
which means that life is eternal
and there are times and places
where the veil between this life and the next
is very thin
I believe our dreams are a place where we find ourselves
a little closer to that other side
and can even touch, however briefly,
those who are no longer physically with us
but who are very much alive still
Love is the mysterious power that God has given us
that reaches beyond this life
that connects us to those who are no longer bound by time
No wonder love can be such a frightening thing!
It is powerful, powerful enough to connect us
even when we are not with each other
Memory is a means of grace
Remembering is a way that we can reconnect
with what we thought was lost forever
As I said, we remember sometimes, when we don’t want to
but there are many times, like Memorial Day tomorrow
that we remember on purpose
We humans have always found ways to make rituals
to do things to honor each other
in life and in death
Some of those rituals are thousands of years old
but we are always coming up with new ways of giving honor
Gathering in the cemetery tomorrow
placing flowers on the graves
singing songs, telling stories
raising flags, even doing some of the things
that our loved ones loved to do when they were here
There is something inside of us
that gives voice to our love and the people that we cherish
something that gives us the ideas of what to do
that will comfort and give hope
Ways of remembering on purpose
And maybe, secretly, we wonder how our own lives
will be remembered and honored
when it’s our turn
if someone will care enough to remember our favorite song
or remember the little things of our lives
that will make for great stories
In the meantime, the stories of those who have gone on before us
those who parted seas, proved their faith in heroic ways
or simply loved in simple, quiet ways
that don’t make for blockbuster movies, perhaps
but have the power to change a life
those stories remind us
that we have survived, you and me
Whatever terrible things happened to us along the way
whatever blood we shed, figuratively or literally
however many times our hearts were shattered
whether we got those awards or signs of achievement
or if our lives were just simple and quiet
loving and peaceful in ways we hope is noticed
we have survived
we are still here
still capable of loving and laughing
still capable of sharing and giving
and touching the lives around us
We’ve made mistakes, taken wrong turns
done some stupid things, really, but we are still here to tell
So to what do we give our thanks?
Our lucky stars?
Our guardian angels?
I believe the song when it says,
“grace has brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead us home…”
We can thank God and God’s immeasurable grace
that we are still here, still alive,
and that our hearts are still capable of loving and giving
that there is still laughter in us and joy
The same God who got those crazy Israelites through the desert
the same God who set a bush on fire
to get Moses going
the same God who saved the skins of those bumbling descendents
of Abraham and Sarah
who couldn’t seem to get their lives together
but managed to survive and thrive
only by the grace of God
That same God gives us the power to go on
to love again even after our hearts are broken
to live still, even after our soulmate has died
to make stories of our lives
even when we don’t think we’re all that special
‘Remember,’ God says again and again
and made sure that we remembered
by getting a lot of folks to keep telling the stories
until they were actually written down
Remember the survivors who have gone on
whose stories make us laugh, cry,
and even be inspired at moments
For life is a gift
a precious, holy gift,
in all its absurdities
Frederick Buechner wrote, “To remember the past is to see
that we are here today only by grace
that we have survived as a gift…”
This weekend we remember on purpose again
But with our remembering, let us also wait
wait for the promise yet to be fulfilled
wait for the future that is still a mystery
and a gift
remember and wait
remember and expect the good things of God
remember, and hope
always, always hope in God
Monday, May 18, 2009
What Goes Around Comes Around
Matthew 18:21-35
May 17, 2009
Maybe you’ve heard the story of Ruby Bridges
the six year old girl who in 1960
walked into the William France Elementary school
in New Orleans
It was the first day after a federal judge mandated
the desegregation of the New Orleans school district
Ruby was the only African American student in the entire school
Every day she walked through the gauntlet
of angry adults who insulted her with
all kinds of nasty racial slurs
and foul language
Robert Coles, a Harvard psychologist
who has written books on the spiritual life of children,
interviewed Ruby Bridges in the midst of the pressure-packed situation
Coles had watched the little girl walking through the crowd
with her lips moving
He asked her, what was she saying?
Was she talking back to them?
“No!” she replied
“Then what were you saying?” he asked her
“I was praying!” she said, as if he should have known that
“Praying?” Coles said in a surprised voice
“why were you praying?”
Ruby told him, “I usually pray before I go to school
but this particular morning I forgot
so I prayed as I walked into the school.”
“What did you pray?” he asked her
Ruby said, “I prayed, God forgive them. That’s what Jesus did on the cross.”
Dr. Coles said that Ruby’s gracious act of forgiveness
transformed his own life
and she did it just because she knew
that Jesus did it
Forgiveness is one of those teachings of Jesus
that make most people nervous
Those of us who went to Sunday School
probably heard about this conversation
between Peter and Jesus
“How many times do I need to forgive?” Peter wanted to know
He wanted an exact number,
I guess, so he could know when he was covered
He threw out the number 7 as a possibility
7 was a number used often in Judaism,
the number of perfection
Three was usually the limit people went to
a precursor, I guess of our old three-strikes-and-you’re-out
mentality
but Peter perhaps thought he was being generous
with the number 7
“Not 7,” Jesus said, and maybe Peter sighed a sigh of relief
yeah, I thought that might be a bit much…
“but 77 times,” he says,
or worse yet, in other translations, he says, “70 times 7…”
And I think it really doesn’t matter
which it is, 77 or 490
the point is the same
there’s no limit to forgiveness, Peter
so stop counting….
But how seriously do we take that?
I mean the other stuff we can live with,
love your neighbor
be nice to them
feed the poor
try not to kill anybody
don’t mess with your neighbor’s spouse
we can handle that
But forgive?
We live in a world that says it’s alright
a world that says, “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth”
and for a lot of people who abide by that mantra
it’s the only line of Scripture they know
because it works for them
It works really well, in fact
You mess with me, I mess with you
It justifies our hate, our rage, and our embrace of violence
it’s a very convenient mantra to memorize
and you find a lot of people to agree with you
but if you try to listen to Jesus
who says, “you have heard it said, an eye for an eye
and a tooth for a tooth,
BUT I SAY TO YOU, love your enemies,
pray for them…”
and here he takes it one step further
FORGIVE
forgive and forgive again
stop the cycle of violence right here
stop the cycles of hate right now
Man, that’s hard, isn’t it?
So we somehow disregard it
Seriously, he couldn’t have meant that, could he?
and it’s not one of the Ten Commandments
so really, how seriously do we have to take it anyway?
I recited the Lord’s Prayer for a lot of years
before I started really listening to what it was I was praying
After all, I learned it when I was 7,
after awhile, you can say it without even paying attention
but as I grew up, and life got more complicated,
I started realizing what it was I was praying
“Forgive us our trespasses..”
Trespasses? What kind of word is that?
I didn’t know what that meant when I was 7
Trespasses
When you trespass, you wander into a place
where you have no right to be
you cross someone else’s boundaries
You sin
Trespasses are sins
“Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us…”
I hear that now, every time I pray it
Forgive me, God, as I forgive those who hurt me
I’ve said it before
that I’ve served a lot of churches
in my 20 years of ministry
and without fail,
at every single church I’ve served
I am given the lowdown on people
And in every single church
there are stories
this person and that person on the membership list
they don’t come anymore, I’m told
because 10 or 15 years ago
they got mad and left
and haven’t been back since
Or I hear about this person who hates that person
because of a fight they had years ago
or somebody doesn’t come to church
because there’s one person there they can’t stand
Or a preacher said the wrong thing to someone
and 10 preachers later,
they still won’t come back
Every single church has those stories
every single family, I think, has those stories
A brother doesn’t speak to a sister
because of something that happened a decade ago
and they never come back for reunions
Fredrick Buechner wrote
“Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun.
To lick your wounds, to smack your lips
over grievances long past,
to roll your tongue over the prospect
of bitter confrontations still to come
to savor to the last toothsome morsel
both the pain you are given
and the pain you are giving back
in many ways it is a feast fit for a king.
The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down
is yourself.
The skeleton at the feast is you.”
Someone once told me
that resentment is like drinking poison
and waiting for the person that hurt you
to die
Not forgiving doesn’t hurt the person who hurt you or wronged you
they’ve most likely gone on with their lives
not forgiving, and harboring resentments
only hurts you
Only stifles YOUR life
and makes you into a bitter, ugly person
But we say, if I forgive that person
than it’s like condoning what they did!
But that doesn’t make sense
they are not waiting for you to approve what they did
forgiving them doesn’t make what they did right
but forgiving frees you to go on with your life
Remember one of the most famous pictures
that came out of the Vietnam War?
The picture of a small girl running naked down the road
with an expression of unimaginable terror
her clothes burned off, and her body scorched
by napalm?
The man who coordinated the raid on this girl’s village
in June 1971 was a 24 year old US Army helicopter pilot
and operations officer named John Plummer
The day after the raid conducted by South Vietnamese airplanes
Plummer saw the photo in the military newspaper
“Stars and Stripes”
and was devastated
“It just knocked me to my knees,” he said,
“and that was when I knew I could never talk about this.”
The guilt over the raid had become a lonely torment
He suffered periodic nightmares
that included the scene from the photo,
accompanied by the sounds of children screaming
The girl in the photo, Pham ThiKim Phuc, survived 17 operations,
eventually relocated to Toronto
and became an occasional goodwill ambassador
for UNESCO
In 1996, 25 years after the raid,
Plummer heard that Kim would be speaking at a Veteran’s Day
observance in Washington, not far from his home
“If I could talk face to face with the pilot who dropped the bombs,” she said
“I would tell him we could not change history,
but we should try to do good things for the present.”
Plummer, in the audience, wrote her a note,
that said, “I am that man,”
and asked an officer to take it to her
At the end of the speech, he pushed through the crowd to reach her
and soon they were face to face
“She just opened her arms to me,” Plummer recounted
“I feel into her arms sobbing.”
All I could say was, “I’m so sorry, I’m just so sorry.”
“It’s all right,” Kim responded. “I forgive. I forgive.”
I think all too often the price of forgiveness
is horribly cheapened
We see someone on TV whose child was murdered
and they say right away,
“I forgive that person who killed my child.”
I am usually skeptical
Forgiveness doesn’t happen that easily or quickly
most of the time
We have to feel the hurt
we have to feel the anger, confusion and pain
before we can let it go
If we say we forgive too quickly,
we’re only denying the truth of our feelings
our very human and real feelings
Forgiveness is something that we struggle for
pray for
every day
It is to be a way of life
When we are struggling with some pain or shame
or wrong that’s been done to us
we have to bring it to God every day
say, “take this. I can’t do it by myself. I’m angry.
I want revenge. I want to hurt them back.”
Why lie to God?
But then after being honest we can say,
“here, God, take my anger, take my pain, my shame
my sorrow. Help me to let it go, so it doesn’t poison my soul.”
And we do that day after day after day
and every time it creeps up, we offer it up again
because as Jesus said, “Nothing is impossible for God.”
We are all that unforgiving servant in Jesus’ story, every one of us
We have all been given mercy
but when rubber hits the road
when we are hurt, we want to hurt back
we don’t want to show mercy
and there are plenty of people in the world
that will cheer us on and say,
‘Of course you get them back! Of course you sue them for everything they’ve got! Blow them away!
Crush them! You deserve that privilege!’
and it is much, much harder, to do what Jesus would want us to do
to let it go, and to let it go again
and to move on, to become people of mercy
made in the image of our incredibly merciful God
who has not blown us away yet,
no matter how many times we have deserved it
But the truth is, if we don’t forgive
we will, in fact, be tortured
not by God, but by ourselves, by the pain, the hurt, the anger
the thirst for blood
We will become angry, bitter, ugly people
if we harbor those hurts
suck on them, go over and over and over again
the story of what’s been done to us
and we’ll become very much alone
and even cut off from God
not because God does the severing of the relationship
but we can’t harbor that nasty, ugly stuff in our hearts
and get anywhere near the presence of God
who wishes to wash it all away
It’s hard, it’s very very hard
but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing
And forgiving others does not mean that we become doormats
it doesn’t mean that we don’t acknowledge the seriousness
of what’s been done
and open ourselves up to more
If a woman is being abused by her husband
she doesn’t go back for more abuse
she gets out of his way, gets help
and goes on with her life
and hopefully finds healing
Forgiveness does not always result in a continuing relationship
with the one we forgive
sometimes we have to forgive even when they don’t ask for it
even when they don’t think they need it
WE need it
We need to forgive in order to live in peace
in order to know joy and freedom and wholeness in our lives
Sometimes the relationship is irreparably broken
because of what’s been done
forgiveness does not mean going back for more
it means moving on into new life and new beginnings
What happens to the person who wronged us
is up to God and to God alone
And it’s never about just you or me
but it’s about God’s community of faith
and what keeps the community going
If people in a community can’t forgive each other
that community eventually dies
it’s not just about you and me
it’s about all of us
Community can’t flourish and grow
if we harbor old hurts and resentments
if we just think about ourselves
Jesus is calling for us to live in way that is counter-cultural
the rest of the world will not stand up and cheer us
for being different
for doing what goes against the rest of the world’s
belief in an eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth
We know, deep down,
that Gandhi was painfully right
when he said, “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth
only leaves the world toothless and blind.”
We are God’s people
called by God and taught by Jesus
to be different, to be a community of weirdos, really
to live in a way that fosters life and goodness
and spreads the immeasurable grace of God
in the world
It is hard, no one ever said it would be easy
and we can only do it by the sheer grace of God
by daily surrendering to God the things that hold us down
and bind us up
It’s an everyday thing, this life with God
this following the teachings of Jesus
It’s downright impossible, really, to do what Jesus did
but he did tell us,
“all things are possible with God.”
May 17, 2009
Maybe you’ve heard the story of Ruby Bridges
the six year old girl who in 1960
walked into the William France Elementary school
in New Orleans
It was the first day after a federal judge mandated
the desegregation of the New Orleans school district
Ruby was the only African American student in the entire school
Every day she walked through the gauntlet
of angry adults who insulted her with
all kinds of nasty racial slurs
and foul language
Robert Coles, a Harvard psychologist
who has written books on the spiritual life of children,
interviewed Ruby Bridges in the midst of the pressure-packed situation
Coles had watched the little girl walking through the crowd
with her lips moving
He asked her, what was she saying?
Was she talking back to them?
“No!” she replied
“Then what were you saying?” he asked her
“I was praying!” she said, as if he should have known that
“Praying?” Coles said in a surprised voice
“why were you praying?”
Ruby told him, “I usually pray before I go to school
but this particular morning I forgot
so I prayed as I walked into the school.”
“What did you pray?” he asked her
Ruby said, “I prayed, God forgive them. That’s what Jesus did on the cross.”
Dr. Coles said that Ruby’s gracious act of forgiveness
transformed his own life
and she did it just because she knew
that Jesus did it
Forgiveness is one of those teachings of Jesus
that make most people nervous
Those of us who went to Sunday School
probably heard about this conversation
between Peter and Jesus
“How many times do I need to forgive?” Peter wanted to know
He wanted an exact number,
I guess, so he could know when he was covered
He threw out the number 7 as a possibility
7 was a number used often in Judaism,
the number of perfection
Three was usually the limit people went to
a precursor, I guess of our old three-strikes-and-you’re-out
mentality
but Peter perhaps thought he was being generous
with the number 7
“Not 7,” Jesus said, and maybe Peter sighed a sigh of relief
yeah, I thought that might be a bit much…
“but 77 times,” he says,
or worse yet, in other translations, he says, “70 times 7…”
And I think it really doesn’t matter
which it is, 77 or 490
the point is the same
there’s no limit to forgiveness, Peter
so stop counting….
But how seriously do we take that?
I mean the other stuff we can live with,
love your neighbor
be nice to them
feed the poor
try not to kill anybody
don’t mess with your neighbor’s spouse
we can handle that
But forgive?
We live in a world that says it’s alright
a world that says, “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth”
and for a lot of people who abide by that mantra
it’s the only line of Scripture they know
because it works for them
It works really well, in fact
You mess with me, I mess with you
It justifies our hate, our rage, and our embrace of violence
it’s a very convenient mantra to memorize
and you find a lot of people to agree with you
but if you try to listen to Jesus
who says, “you have heard it said, an eye for an eye
and a tooth for a tooth,
BUT I SAY TO YOU, love your enemies,
pray for them…”
and here he takes it one step further
FORGIVE
forgive and forgive again
stop the cycle of violence right here
stop the cycles of hate right now
Man, that’s hard, isn’t it?
So we somehow disregard it
Seriously, he couldn’t have meant that, could he?
and it’s not one of the Ten Commandments
so really, how seriously do we have to take it anyway?
I recited the Lord’s Prayer for a lot of years
before I started really listening to what it was I was praying
After all, I learned it when I was 7,
after awhile, you can say it without even paying attention
but as I grew up, and life got more complicated,
I started realizing what it was I was praying
“Forgive us our trespasses..”
Trespasses? What kind of word is that?
I didn’t know what that meant when I was 7
Trespasses
When you trespass, you wander into a place
where you have no right to be
you cross someone else’s boundaries
You sin
Trespasses are sins
“Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us…”
I hear that now, every time I pray it
Forgive me, God, as I forgive those who hurt me
I’ve said it before
that I’ve served a lot of churches
in my 20 years of ministry
and without fail,
at every single church I’ve served
I am given the lowdown on people
And in every single church
there are stories
this person and that person on the membership list
they don’t come anymore, I’m told
because 10 or 15 years ago
they got mad and left
and haven’t been back since
Or I hear about this person who hates that person
because of a fight they had years ago
or somebody doesn’t come to church
because there’s one person there they can’t stand
Or a preacher said the wrong thing to someone
and 10 preachers later,
they still won’t come back
Every single church has those stories
every single family, I think, has those stories
A brother doesn’t speak to a sister
because of something that happened a decade ago
and they never come back for reunions
Fredrick Buechner wrote
“Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun.
To lick your wounds, to smack your lips
over grievances long past,
to roll your tongue over the prospect
of bitter confrontations still to come
to savor to the last toothsome morsel
both the pain you are given
and the pain you are giving back
in many ways it is a feast fit for a king.
The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down
is yourself.
The skeleton at the feast is you.”
Someone once told me
that resentment is like drinking poison
and waiting for the person that hurt you
to die
Not forgiving doesn’t hurt the person who hurt you or wronged you
they’ve most likely gone on with their lives
not forgiving, and harboring resentments
only hurts you
Only stifles YOUR life
and makes you into a bitter, ugly person
But we say, if I forgive that person
than it’s like condoning what they did!
But that doesn’t make sense
they are not waiting for you to approve what they did
forgiving them doesn’t make what they did right
but forgiving frees you to go on with your life
Remember one of the most famous pictures
that came out of the Vietnam War?
The picture of a small girl running naked down the road
with an expression of unimaginable terror
her clothes burned off, and her body scorched
by napalm?
The man who coordinated the raid on this girl’s village
in June 1971 was a 24 year old US Army helicopter pilot
and operations officer named John Plummer
The day after the raid conducted by South Vietnamese airplanes
Plummer saw the photo in the military newspaper
“Stars and Stripes”
and was devastated
“It just knocked me to my knees,” he said,
“and that was when I knew I could never talk about this.”
The guilt over the raid had become a lonely torment
He suffered periodic nightmares
that included the scene from the photo,
accompanied by the sounds of children screaming
The girl in the photo, Pham ThiKim Phuc, survived 17 operations,
eventually relocated to Toronto
and became an occasional goodwill ambassador
for UNESCO
In 1996, 25 years after the raid,
Plummer heard that Kim would be speaking at a Veteran’s Day
observance in Washington, not far from his home
“If I could talk face to face with the pilot who dropped the bombs,” she said
“I would tell him we could not change history,
but we should try to do good things for the present.”
Plummer, in the audience, wrote her a note,
that said, “I am that man,”
and asked an officer to take it to her
At the end of the speech, he pushed through the crowd to reach her
and soon they were face to face
“She just opened her arms to me,” Plummer recounted
“I feel into her arms sobbing.”
All I could say was, “I’m so sorry, I’m just so sorry.”
“It’s all right,” Kim responded. “I forgive. I forgive.”
I think all too often the price of forgiveness
is horribly cheapened
We see someone on TV whose child was murdered
and they say right away,
“I forgive that person who killed my child.”
I am usually skeptical
Forgiveness doesn’t happen that easily or quickly
most of the time
We have to feel the hurt
we have to feel the anger, confusion and pain
before we can let it go
If we say we forgive too quickly,
we’re only denying the truth of our feelings
our very human and real feelings
Forgiveness is something that we struggle for
pray for
every day
It is to be a way of life
When we are struggling with some pain or shame
or wrong that’s been done to us
we have to bring it to God every day
say, “take this. I can’t do it by myself. I’m angry.
I want revenge. I want to hurt them back.”
Why lie to God?
But then after being honest we can say,
“here, God, take my anger, take my pain, my shame
my sorrow. Help me to let it go, so it doesn’t poison my soul.”
And we do that day after day after day
and every time it creeps up, we offer it up again
because as Jesus said, “Nothing is impossible for God.”
We are all that unforgiving servant in Jesus’ story, every one of us
We have all been given mercy
but when rubber hits the road
when we are hurt, we want to hurt back
we don’t want to show mercy
and there are plenty of people in the world
that will cheer us on and say,
‘Of course you get them back! Of course you sue them for everything they’ve got! Blow them away!
Crush them! You deserve that privilege!’
and it is much, much harder, to do what Jesus would want us to do
to let it go, and to let it go again
and to move on, to become people of mercy
made in the image of our incredibly merciful God
who has not blown us away yet,
no matter how many times we have deserved it
But the truth is, if we don’t forgive
we will, in fact, be tortured
not by God, but by ourselves, by the pain, the hurt, the anger
the thirst for blood
We will become angry, bitter, ugly people
if we harbor those hurts
suck on them, go over and over and over again
the story of what’s been done to us
and we’ll become very much alone
and even cut off from God
not because God does the severing of the relationship
but we can’t harbor that nasty, ugly stuff in our hearts
and get anywhere near the presence of God
who wishes to wash it all away
It’s hard, it’s very very hard
but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing
And forgiving others does not mean that we become doormats
it doesn’t mean that we don’t acknowledge the seriousness
of what’s been done
and open ourselves up to more
If a woman is being abused by her husband
she doesn’t go back for more abuse
she gets out of his way, gets help
and goes on with her life
and hopefully finds healing
Forgiveness does not always result in a continuing relationship
with the one we forgive
sometimes we have to forgive even when they don’t ask for it
even when they don’t think they need it
WE need it
We need to forgive in order to live in peace
in order to know joy and freedom and wholeness in our lives
Sometimes the relationship is irreparably broken
because of what’s been done
forgiveness does not mean going back for more
it means moving on into new life and new beginnings
What happens to the person who wronged us
is up to God and to God alone
And it’s never about just you or me
but it’s about God’s community of faith
and what keeps the community going
If people in a community can’t forgive each other
that community eventually dies
it’s not just about you and me
it’s about all of us
Community can’t flourish and grow
if we harbor old hurts and resentments
if we just think about ourselves
Jesus is calling for us to live in way that is counter-cultural
the rest of the world will not stand up and cheer us
for being different
for doing what goes against the rest of the world’s
belief in an eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth
We know, deep down,
that Gandhi was painfully right
when he said, “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth
only leaves the world toothless and blind.”
We are God’s people
called by God and taught by Jesus
to be different, to be a community of weirdos, really
to live in a way that fosters life and goodness
and spreads the immeasurable grace of God
in the world
It is hard, no one ever said it would be easy
and we can only do it by the sheer grace of God
by daily surrendering to God the things that hold us down
and bind us up
It’s an everyday thing, this life with God
this following the teachings of Jesus
It’s downright impossible, really, to do what Jesus did
but he did tell us,
“all things are possible with God.”
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
In the Arms of Mother
Isaiah 66:13
Mother’s Day, 2009
Faith United
I always have a dilemma when I get to Mother’s Day
and celebrating it in the Church
You can’t just flip open your Bible and come up
with good mother stories
even if you know your Bible very well
and know about the mothers in the Bible
Inevitably those mother stories are complicated
they are not neat and perfect “Ozzie and Harriet” type stories
(for those of you old enough to know who that is!)
in fact you’d be hard-pressed to find
Ozzie and Harriet anywhere in the Bible
I have to chuckle a bit
when people talk about getting back to
“biblical family values”
Most of the families portrayed in the Bible
are not something any of us would want to emulate
In the Old Testament
most of the men had multiple wives
and the sole purpose for marriage
was to produce male offspring
So is it polygamy that we want to get back to, I wonder?
There’s Abraham and Sarah
they certainly weren’t what we consider the traditional family
but more like something from “Desperate Housewives”
Sarah couldn’t have children
so in desperation, she orders her maid to sleep with her husband
so he can have a son
When the maid produces a son for Abraham
Sarah gets jealous and throws both her and the boy
out into the street
Of course then God does make sure that Sarah gets pregnant
when she’s in her 90s—
better late than never, I assume…
but then after they have their precious son
Abraham takes him out to a mountain
and would have stabbed him to death
if an angel hadn’t shown up
to grab his wrist just in the knick of time
I’m sure that did a lot to cause lifelong tension
between father and son…
I can see Isaac going to therapy
and saying,
“My father tried to kill me once,
even had the knife in the air
but something stopped him at the last minute…
we never talked about it
but I really think that he thought that God told him to do it.”
Yeah, he might remember his Dad as a little touched in the head
It couldn’t have been a good thing
for Abraham’s marriage to Sarah
the fact that Abraham tried to kill Isaac
that’s one of those things you just don’t forget
Then Isaac grows up, has a family
his son Jacob marries Leah and Rachel
after he’s been manipulated and tricked by his Uncle Laban
for 14 years
Leah has a boatload of children
while Rachel has a hard time getting pregnant
so the two women really don’t get along
they’re competing for their man’s affections
Rachel finally gives birth to Joseph
who is hated by all of his brothers
and sold off as a slave to Egypt
while his father is told that he’s dead
the story unfolds full of major dysfunction
There are lies, abuse, manipulations, conniving
It’s not a pretty picture….
And it goes on, read the Book of Genesis
and you will wonder with me
where we get these so-called biblical family values
There is no model in the Bible
for our one man, one woman, 2.3 children family
You’re just not going to find it
And it’s the same with good mother stories
we have very little to go on
and the rest is up to our imaginations
because the women were just supportive actresses
in the whole biblical drama..
the stories were first spread by men
so, you know how that goes….
Perhaps you see my dilemma….
But the indisputable fact remains,
not all of us have been or are mothers, of course
but all of us have HAD a mother….
so all of us can relate to the very basic, human relationship
We may have varied mother stories ourselves,
just like the Bible
some of them are good, some of them painful
some of them are downright weird …
and that, too, is biblical
So really, is it any wonder,
that sometimes, when you’re a mother
you feel like you’re just winging it?
Just going by instinct?
There is no instruction book,
no perfect model to live up to,
no agreed-upon method of mothering
We generally rely on what our own mothers taught us
whether we imitate them
or improve upon what we learned from them
People get really nervous in the church
whenever we suggest anything about God being Mother
Some will roll their eyes
and make accusations of political correctness
liberalism, or even blasphemy
But the attitude that I’ve always had about my images of God
is that I have never believed myself to be
a single-parent child
We go on and on and on about how it is important
for children to have a mother and a father in their lives
to be balanced
Single – parent families, thank goodness, are more accepted these days
but there was a time
and people still do it,
that it’s been said that it’s just wrong
A child needs a father and a mother, in the ideal situation,
to have a well-balanced life—many people believe
But it’s funny, when it comes to the ultimate Parent
the creator of all things
the creator of each of us
we’re content to be single-parent children
Some people insist that we only have a Father in heaven
there is no Mother
just because Jesus called God “Abba,” Father
But in the very beginning, Genesis says,
we were created in God’s image
we were created male and female
So, how can we all be created in God’s image
male and female
if God is male and only male?
Just wondering….
Early theologians had no problem getting around that
they truly believed that women AREN’T in fact
created in the image of God
but I hope no one believes that anymore …
So if we are created male and female
and created in the image of God
then God, I believe, is both male and female
I can honestly say that no other experience in my life
has drawn me deeper into relationship with God
than my whole experience of being a mother
I will always remember the experience
of knowing that there was a person, a whole person,
growing and coming to life inside of my body
that inexpressible experience
of feeling movement inside my body
feeling a stirring, seeing a foot move across my stomach
from the INSIDE…
talk about weird!
But a wonderful weird!
Remembering that, reminds me of God at creation
brooding over the dark waters
stirring up life amidst those waters
bringing forth creation, out of seemingly nothing
A child was being nurtured within me
nurtured by mysterious, life-giving waters and blood,
connected to me, unseen, in some dark place
growing, changing, forming
without any intentional effort on my part
All I could do was wait and wonder
at what was happening in the deep recesses of my body
There are many references to God in the Bible
longing, groaning as a woman in childbirth
for the redemption of all creation
The whole earth, the Bible says, is in labor pains
longing for new life
throughout the Psalms and prophets
we hear God speaking of giving birth to us as a people
how God longs for God’s children to return home
how we have forgotten God,
the source of our lives
God longs for us like a mother longs for a child
who has left home, gone off to war
is in prison, or has just renounced his ties to home
God is always waiting to welcome God’s children back again
Pregnancy, I have to say, was a profoundly spiritual experience
Women tend to experience the presence of God with their bodies anyway
And here I was participating in creation
making, nurturing, anticipating a life
Now I’m not going to glorify the experience of birth --
my doctor didn’t believe in epidurals--
so yeah, it hurt!
like BLAZES, as my father would say
I don’t remember much, though, of the 13 hours of labor
But I remember the moment they put Sarah on my belly
it was beyond words
‘So there you are,’ I thought
the one I’ve been waiting for, wondering about….
this life growing inside of my own body….
still too miraculous to explain
The Bible talks about being born again
about God transforming our lives
and that is never a quick, easy process
when it truly happens
it feels like our whole world is upside down
sometimes it is painful
sometimes we think we’d rather die than change
even if we know the change is good for us
And even though we believe in eternal life
most of us are not looking forward to death
perhaps our greatest fear is the pain
but we have to die in order to come to eternal life
It’s not something we are all rushing to do, though,
we want to put off that experience as long as possible
Birth and re-birth is not easy for anybody
But I sensed the profound presence of God
in being trusted with this tiny, human fragile life
Other writers have talked about the spiritual experience of nursing
their children, and I can relate to that
mothers literally feed their children with their bodies
and are saying, “this is my body, given for you,
take, eat….”
But you don’t have to have had the experience of birth or motherhood
to know the presence of God as Mother
Whenever women comfort someone in pain
whenever we hold someone who is keening with grief
who are trembling and sobbing
we are being God in the flesh to someone
Whenever we hold the hand of someone who is afraid
or who is sick
whenever we make food for someone
or babysit their kids when they need a break
I think of Isaiah…
“Like a mother comforts a child, so I will comfort you,
says the Lord…”
I’ve had a lot of mothers
besides my own mother
There was Georgeann who pushed me to audition for my first solo
when I didn’t believe I could do it
She all but pushed me out on that stage
Then she celebrated me afterwards as if I’d won a Grammy
brought me flowers and fussed all over me
She was God in the flesh for me
There was Sandie who just loved to hug me
stroke my hair, pick on me and make me laugh
insist that I sing for her
she was the one who answered the phone
in the middle of the night
when I called her from college to cry
I remember watching Sarah play soccer
when she was 5 and 6
watching her finally kick that ball
or play goalie and stop the ball
watching the delight on her face
from doing something she didn’t know she could do
I remember thinking this is how God must feel
about us…
delighting when we step out and know joy
delighting when we try and sometimes win
Jesus was a Mama’s boy
we don’t hear a lot about Joseph
after the Birth stories
most scholars assume he died
during Jesus’ childhood
But we see where Jesus was influenced by his mother
The way he touched people all the time
held the face of a blind man
even gave him one of those embarrassing spit-washes
and told him to go clean up in the river
and he’d be ok
Jesus wept over Jerusalem
and said, “oh, how I have longed to gather you together
like a mother hen gathers her chicks under her wing…”
And who would have taught Jesus about God
before he was old enough for Hebrew school?
Probably his mother
she probably told him all the crazy stories
about his ancestors
and their mixed-up, God-filled lives
I remember many nights
when Sarah would have croup
and couldn’t lay down
Staying up all night with my arms around her
until she fell asleep
trusting in my embrace
Often I wouldn’t go lay her down
that awesome sense of a child’s complete trust in you
that they can go to sleep, knowing that you will take care of things
I think that’s how God is
we can sleep, we can curl up in God’s arms
and sleep
knowing that God is taking care of things
Terrible things happen
Nightmarish things happen
but God is always there
to envelop us in loving arms
The psalms talk about finding shelter under God’s wings
and I often remember that when I’m afraid
or afraid for someone that I love
I try to imagine them under the shelter of God’s wings
I try to trust that we are all being nurtured daily
by the invisible waters of God’s creation
sometimes in our darkest hours
when it feels like nothing is good
or will ever be good again
We are still being created, nurtured, loved into being
like we were as babies in the womb
Our whole world is groaning in labor pains
and we who believe that there is more to life than this
we groan with it
all wanting to be reborn, renewed, healed
welcomed home
When Sarah was a baby, I sang to her all the time
many, many songs
but our main song, was a song called
“I Will Be Your Home”
It says, “though you are homeless,
though you’re alone,
I will be your home
Whatever’s the matter, whatever’s been done
I will be your home…”
I wanted her to know that in this crazy, mixed up
and often scary world that she had just been
thrust into,
I would be her home, to the best of my abilities
I would be her shelter, her comfort, the arms she could count on
It’s a song that was written as a message from God
God saying to US, I am your Home
When we often feel like aliens in this world
when we’re scared, confused, hurt
We can be assured that God is our Home
a home that will never be broken,
a home that is always there
a home we can count on forever
The second verse says, finally,
“When time reaches fullness,
When I move my hand,
I will bring you home
Home to your own place,
in a beautiful land, I will bring you home….”
God, who is our home
where we can find shelter under the strength of God’s wings
will finally, when it’s all said and done
will bring us home from this fearful, fallen place
that has been our earthly home
We all need a home
We need each other
We need to know we’re not alone
We are human beings, born into a human world
but ever since Mary gave birth to Jesus
we know, too, that God has brought flesh and spirit together
reminding us that we are all God’s children,
made of flesh and spirit
And all of us, male and female, are made in the image of God
our Father, our Mother, Creator, Birther, Sustainer,
Nurturer, the list goes on
Whatever’s the matter, whatever’s been done, God will our home
holding us, empowering us, healing us, making us new
until that day when we’re done here
and turn our faces toward home forever. …
Mother’s Day, 2009
Faith United
I always have a dilemma when I get to Mother’s Day
and celebrating it in the Church
You can’t just flip open your Bible and come up
with good mother stories
even if you know your Bible very well
and know about the mothers in the Bible
Inevitably those mother stories are complicated
they are not neat and perfect “Ozzie and Harriet” type stories
(for those of you old enough to know who that is!)
in fact you’d be hard-pressed to find
Ozzie and Harriet anywhere in the Bible
I have to chuckle a bit
when people talk about getting back to
“biblical family values”
Most of the families portrayed in the Bible
are not something any of us would want to emulate
In the Old Testament
most of the men had multiple wives
and the sole purpose for marriage
was to produce male offspring
So is it polygamy that we want to get back to, I wonder?
There’s Abraham and Sarah
they certainly weren’t what we consider the traditional family
but more like something from “Desperate Housewives”
Sarah couldn’t have children
so in desperation, she orders her maid to sleep with her husband
so he can have a son
When the maid produces a son for Abraham
Sarah gets jealous and throws both her and the boy
out into the street
Of course then God does make sure that Sarah gets pregnant
when she’s in her 90s—
better late than never, I assume…
but then after they have their precious son
Abraham takes him out to a mountain
and would have stabbed him to death
if an angel hadn’t shown up
to grab his wrist just in the knick of time
I’m sure that did a lot to cause lifelong tension
between father and son…
I can see Isaac going to therapy
and saying,
“My father tried to kill me once,
even had the knife in the air
but something stopped him at the last minute…
we never talked about it
but I really think that he thought that God told him to do it.”
Yeah, he might remember his Dad as a little touched in the head
It couldn’t have been a good thing
for Abraham’s marriage to Sarah
the fact that Abraham tried to kill Isaac
that’s one of those things you just don’t forget
Then Isaac grows up, has a family
his son Jacob marries Leah and Rachel
after he’s been manipulated and tricked by his Uncle Laban
for 14 years
Leah has a boatload of children
while Rachel has a hard time getting pregnant
so the two women really don’t get along
they’re competing for their man’s affections
Rachel finally gives birth to Joseph
who is hated by all of his brothers
and sold off as a slave to Egypt
while his father is told that he’s dead
the story unfolds full of major dysfunction
There are lies, abuse, manipulations, conniving
It’s not a pretty picture….
And it goes on, read the Book of Genesis
and you will wonder with me
where we get these so-called biblical family values
There is no model in the Bible
for our one man, one woman, 2.3 children family
You’re just not going to find it
And it’s the same with good mother stories
we have very little to go on
and the rest is up to our imaginations
because the women were just supportive actresses
in the whole biblical drama..
the stories were first spread by men
so, you know how that goes….
Perhaps you see my dilemma….
But the indisputable fact remains,
not all of us have been or are mothers, of course
but all of us have HAD a mother….
so all of us can relate to the very basic, human relationship
We may have varied mother stories ourselves,
just like the Bible
some of them are good, some of them painful
some of them are downright weird …
and that, too, is biblical
So really, is it any wonder,
that sometimes, when you’re a mother
you feel like you’re just winging it?
Just going by instinct?
There is no instruction book,
no perfect model to live up to,
no agreed-upon method of mothering
We generally rely on what our own mothers taught us
whether we imitate them
or improve upon what we learned from them
People get really nervous in the church
whenever we suggest anything about God being Mother
Some will roll their eyes
and make accusations of political correctness
liberalism, or even blasphemy
But the attitude that I’ve always had about my images of God
is that I have never believed myself to be
a single-parent child
We go on and on and on about how it is important
for children to have a mother and a father in their lives
to be balanced
Single – parent families, thank goodness, are more accepted these days
but there was a time
and people still do it,
that it’s been said that it’s just wrong
A child needs a father and a mother, in the ideal situation,
to have a well-balanced life—many people believe
But it’s funny, when it comes to the ultimate Parent
the creator of all things
the creator of each of us
we’re content to be single-parent children
Some people insist that we only have a Father in heaven
there is no Mother
just because Jesus called God “Abba,” Father
But in the very beginning, Genesis says,
we were created in God’s image
we were created male and female
So, how can we all be created in God’s image
male and female
if God is male and only male?
Just wondering….
Early theologians had no problem getting around that
they truly believed that women AREN’T in fact
created in the image of God
but I hope no one believes that anymore …
So if we are created male and female
and created in the image of God
then God, I believe, is both male and female
I can honestly say that no other experience in my life
has drawn me deeper into relationship with God
than my whole experience of being a mother
I will always remember the experience
of knowing that there was a person, a whole person,
growing and coming to life inside of my body
that inexpressible experience
of feeling movement inside my body
feeling a stirring, seeing a foot move across my stomach
from the INSIDE…
talk about weird!
But a wonderful weird!
Remembering that, reminds me of God at creation
brooding over the dark waters
stirring up life amidst those waters
bringing forth creation, out of seemingly nothing
A child was being nurtured within me
nurtured by mysterious, life-giving waters and blood,
connected to me, unseen, in some dark place
growing, changing, forming
without any intentional effort on my part
All I could do was wait and wonder
at what was happening in the deep recesses of my body
There are many references to God in the Bible
longing, groaning as a woman in childbirth
for the redemption of all creation
The whole earth, the Bible says, is in labor pains
longing for new life
throughout the Psalms and prophets
we hear God speaking of giving birth to us as a people
how God longs for God’s children to return home
how we have forgotten God,
the source of our lives
God longs for us like a mother longs for a child
who has left home, gone off to war
is in prison, or has just renounced his ties to home
God is always waiting to welcome God’s children back again
Pregnancy, I have to say, was a profoundly spiritual experience
Women tend to experience the presence of God with their bodies anyway
And here I was participating in creation
making, nurturing, anticipating a life
Now I’m not going to glorify the experience of birth --
my doctor didn’t believe in epidurals--
so yeah, it hurt!
like BLAZES, as my father would say
I don’t remember much, though, of the 13 hours of labor
But I remember the moment they put Sarah on my belly
it was beyond words
‘So there you are,’ I thought
the one I’ve been waiting for, wondering about….
this life growing inside of my own body….
still too miraculous to explain
The Bible talks about being born again
about God transforming our lives
and that is never a quick, easy process
when it truly happens
it feels like our whole world is upside down
sometimes it is painful
sometimes we think we’d rather die than change
even if we know the change is good for us
And even though we believe in eternal life
most of us are not looking forward to death
perhaps our greatest fear is the pain
but we have to die in order to come to eternal life
It’s not something we are all rushing to do, though,
we want to put off that experience as long as possible
Birth and re-birth is not easy for anybody
But I sensed the profound presence of God
in being trusted with this tiny, human fragile life
Other writers have talked about the spiritual experience of nursing
their children, and I can relate to that
mothers literally feed their children with their bodies
and are saying, “this is my body, given for you,
take, eat….”
But you don’t have to have had the experience of birth or motherhood
to know the presence of God as Mother
Whenever women comfort someone in pain
whenever we hold someone who is keening with grief
who are trembling and sobbing
we are being God in the flesh to someone
Whenever we hold the hand of someone who is afraid
or who is sick
whenever we make food for someone
or babysit their kids when they need a break
I think of Isaiah…
“Like a mother comforts a child, so I will comfort you,
says the Lord…”
I’ve had a lot of mothers
besides my own mother
There was Georgeann who pushed me to audition for my first solo
when I didn’t believe I could do it
She all but pushed me out on that stage
Then she celebrated me afterwards as if I’d won a Grammy
brought me flowers and fussed all over me
She was God in the flesh for me
There was Sandie who just loved to hug me
stroke my hair, pick on me and make me laugh
insist that I sing for her
she was the one who answered the phone
in the middle of the night
when I called her from college to cry
I remember watching Sarah play soccer
when she was 5 and 6
watching her finally kick that ball
or play goalie and stop the ball
watching the delight on her face
from doing something she didn’t know she could do
I remember thinking this is how God must feel
about us…
delighting when we step out and know joy
delighting when we try and sometimes win
Jesus was a Mama’s boy
we don’t hear a lot about Joseph
after the Birth stories
most scholars assume he died
during Jesus’ childhood
But we see where Jesus was influenced by his mother
The way he touched people all the time
held the face of a blind man
even gave him one of those embarrassing spit-washes
and told him to go clean up in the river
and he’d be ok
Jesus wept over Jerusalem
and said, “oh, how I have longed to gather you together
like a mother hen gathers her chicks under her wing…”
And who would have taught Jesus about God
before he was old enough for Hebrew school?
Probably his mother
she probably told him all the crazy stories
about his ancestors
and their mixed-up, God-filled lives
I remember many nights
when Sarah would have croup
and couldn’t lay down
Staying up all night with my arms around her
until she fell asleep
trusting in my embrace
Often I wouldn’t go lay her down
that awesome sense of a child’s complete trust in you
that they can go to sleep, knowing that you will take care of things
I think that’s how God is
we can sleep, we can curl up in God’s arms
and sleep
knowing that God is taking care of things
Terrible things happen
Nightmarish things happen
but God is always there
to envelop us in loving arms
The psalms talk about finding shelter under God’s wings
and I often remember that when I’m afraid
or afraid for someone that I love
I try to imagine them under the shelter of God’s wings
I try to trust that we are all being nurtured daily
by the invisible waters of God’s creation
sometimes in our darkest hours
when it feels like nothing is good
or will ever be good again
We are still being created, nurtured, loved into being
like we were as babies in the womb
Our whole world is groaning in labor pains
and we who believe that there is more to life than this
we groan with it
all wanting to be reborn, renewed, healed
welcomed home
When Sarah was a baby, I sang to her all the time
many, many songs
but our main song, was a song called
“I Will Be Your Home”
It says, “though you are homeless,
though you’re alone,
I will be your home
Whatever’s the matter, whatever’s been done
I will be your home…”
I wanted her to know that in this crazy, mixed up
and often scary world that she had just been
thrust into,
I would be her home, to the best of my abilities
I would be her shelter, her comfort, the arms she could count on
It’s a song that was written as a message from God
God saying to US, I am your Home
When we often feel like aliens in this world
when we’re scared, confused, hurt
We can be assured that God is our Home
a home that will never be broken,
a home that is always there
a home we can count on forever
The second verse says, finally,
“When time reaches fullness,
When I move my hand,
I will bring you home
Home to your own place,
in a beautiful land, I will bring you home….”
God, who is our home
where we can find shelter under the strength of God’s wings
will finally, when it’s all said and done
will bring us home from this fearful, fallen place
that has been our earthly home
We all need a home
We need each other
We need to know we’re not alone
We are human beings, born into a human world
but ever since Mary gave birth to Jesus
we know, too, that God has brought flesh and spirit together
reminding us that we are all God’s children,
made of flesh and spirit
And all of us, male and female, are made in the image of God
our Father, our Mother, Creator, Birther, Sustainer,
Nurturer, the list goes on
Whatever’s the matter, whatever’s been done, God will our home
holding us, empowering us, healing us, making us new
until that day when we’re done here
and turn our faces toward home forever. …
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