Remember

Hebrews 11:29-12:2
May 24, 2009


Months after a very dear friend of mine
died of pancreatic cancer,
I had a dream of her
Her cancer had been brief, by some standards
but it had been painful and terrible
One night I had a dream that my friend and I were
on opposite sides of a table
and we were sorting some kind of grain
and in the midst of our work, she said to me,
“The tests are going to turn out fine…”
Startled, I looked up and blurted out,
“No, they’re not, not at all…”
She looked back down at her work
and said, “Yeah, they will…”
I stopped what I was doing and started crying
and I said to her,
“No, they’re not going to turn out fine at all…”
Then she looked at me, realizing what I was saying
She then reached out and took both of my hands in hers
and said, “Well, then, remember me… please.
Remember me.”

Do you ever have a dream that feels so real
that you wake up feeling like you were actually with the person?
You can still feel the touch of their skin on yours,
you still have that physical warmth
from where they hugged you
and you don’t want to breathe or move
lest the feeling stop…?
Do you ever have a dream that feels like more than a dream?
But more a message for your heart and soul?
That was one of those dreams
and I still think about it a lot
“Remember me, please. Remember me.”
At the time,
all my remembering was full of a pain so intense
I could hardly stand it
and I needed a break
I needed distractions
I needed to NOT remember….
But now I remember more freely and more often
I remember our connection
and it gives me comfort
I remember our talks, even our tears
I remember times that we just sat in the quiet together
because there really wasn’t anything to say at the time
but it was ok
I remember laughter and a lot of love

Someone once said to me
that memory is a means of grace
I didn’t really understand that at the time
but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense
I can close my eyes and be still
and I can travel all over the place in my memory
I can go be with the people that I miss
I can remember, and re-experience their presence with me
their love, their joy, the lessons that they brought me
Sometimes it’s funny how memories work
sometimes memories flood us unexpectedly
with no warning
Things or people we haven’t thought about for years
and suddenly, we can’t get them out of our minds
Sometimes we are taken back in time
in just a moment
We hear a song
we return to a place
someone just says a phrase
and suddenly we are bombarded with memories
Déjà vu can be that way
we feel like we’ve been here before
or done or said that exact same thing before
sometimes we remember what or when it was
sometimes we never do
but we know without a doubt we’ve been in this moment before

The body and mind is a powerful, mysterious thing
everything that ever happened to us,
everyone we ever met
everything we’ve ever done
it’s all inside of us somewhere
even when we think we forgot
it’s there
and the strangest things can call them forward

Sometimes we work very hard not to remember
there are things that we wished we could forget
mistakes we made,
relationships that shattered us in some way
And we try to stay busy,
keep the T.V. on at home
keep the music on in the car
try to keep the noise on at all times
so that we don’t find ourselves alone with our thoughts
so that we don’t come crashing into things we’d much rather forget

“Remember me,” my friend said in my dream
“Please, remember me.”
And I remember the criminal on the cross next to Jesus
All three of them were painfully dying
and were being horribly humiliated
People throwing insults and spewing hate
on all three men
as if crucifixion was not painful enough
and in the midst of it, the thief says to Jesus
“Jesus, remember me, when you come into your kingdom.”
What kingdom?
They were both being tortured to death
publicly humiliated
and would ultimately be thrown out like garbage
“remember me…when you come into your kingdom.”
And Jesus turned to him and said,
“Today, I will see you in paradise..”

‘Remember me…’
We all want to be remembered
and remembered well
Memory is a means of grace
It’s always amazing to me
that someone could have just suffered the most horrible loss
suddenly, with no warning
and a day or two later,
we’re gathered in the living room
under the formality of preparing for the funeral
and where once people were just moments ago inconsolable
they are changed by the telling of stories
the whole spirit of the room is transformed for those moments
They remember out loud
they tell stories of their loved one
maybe stories they hadn’t thought of in forever
suddenly come flowing out, faster than I can write them down
Of course, there’s always stories that some people may say,
“You don’t want to share this in the service, but I gotta tell you…”
And we all laugh
one story sparks another
Grown people remember something that the person did
when they were just a child
a way they comforted them
little things that they did that was special between just them
The little things that person did
as simple as laying on the floor to watch T.V.
or the old shirt they’d never stop wearing
no matter how worn out and ugly it was
Their special chair
their favorite food or grown-up toy
Sometimes the crazy, cute things they did
long after their own memory had failed them
and they were like children again
but there was still that spark of who they’d always been
that would come out in unexpected times
A song they used to sing
a silly nickname
Things we would under no other circumstances share with each other
because we spend so much time
trying to avoid talking about the things closest to our hearts
we’ll talk about anything at all
except those things that matter most to us
But somehow, death gives us permission to tell
to open up in a way that we won’t at any other time
and for that window of time
we have access to each other’s hearts
and an unspoken trust
that it’s ok to tell

“Remember me.. please.”
We want our lives to matter to someone
In the movie, “Shall We Dance?”
Susan Sarandon’s character says that finally,
a good marriage is about witnessing someone else’s life
knowing that someone is paying attention
that our life is seen by another and valued
because we all need to know we matter

In the Book of Hebrews,
it tells the stories of all those who have gone before us in the faith
people who walked with God
who trusted God
But really, the whole Bible is about remembering
remembering what God has done
and remembering what God promises yet to do
These people in the Bible
were no more extraordinary than you or me
some of them were much worse off than you and I
will ever be
some of them never got the hang of relationships
and really messed them up
and yet their lives are written down
remembered, both the good and the bad
the beauty and the ugliness all together
because that’s what life is
None of them had a stress-free life
all of them faced really difficult and terrible things
and lived to tell
Some of the stories are told more than once in the Bible
some of the names are more well-known than others
but even those crazy names that we can’t pronounce
are written down too
We may not even know their story
but somebody does
somebody witnessed their lives on this earth
And because we are the people of God
we don’t believe that those lives are over
but that we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses
which means that life is eternal
and there are times and places
where the veil between this life and the next
is very thin
I believe our dreams are a place where we find ourselves
a little closer to that other side
and can even touch, however briefly,
those who are no longer physically with us
but who are very much alive still
Love is the mysterious power that God has given us
that reaches beyond this life
that connects us to those who are no longer bound by time
No wonder love can be such a frightening thing!
It is powerful, powerful enough to connect us
even when we are not with each other
Memory is a means of grace
Remembering is a way that we can reconnect
with what we thought was lost forever
As I said, we remember sometimes, when we don’t want to
but there are many times, like Memorial Day tomorrow
that we remember on purpose
We humans have always found ways to make rituals
to do things to honor each other
in life and in death
Some of those rituals are thousands of years old
but we are always coming up with new ways of giving honor
Gathering in the cemetery tomorrow
placing flowers on the graves
singing songs, telling stories
raising flags, even doing some of the things
that our loved ones loved to do when they were here
There is something inside of us
that gives voice to our love and the people that we cherish
something that gives us the ideas of what to do
that will comfort and give hope
Ways of remembering on purpose
And maybe, secretly, we wonder how our own lives
will be remembered and honored
when it’s our turn
if someone will care enough to remember our favorite song
or remember the little things of our lives
that will make for great stories
In the meantime, the stories of those who have gone on before us
those who parted seas, proved their faith in heroic ways
or simply loved in simple, quiet ways
that don’t make for blockbuster movies, perhaps
but have the power to change a life
those stories remind us
that we have survived, you and me
Whatever terrible things happened to us along the way
whatever blood we shed, figuratively or literally
however many times our hearts were shattered
whether we got those awards or signs of achievement
or if our lives were just simple and quiet
loving and peaceful in ways we hope is noticed
we have survived
we are still here
still capable of loving and laughing
still capable of sharing and giving
and touching the lives around us
We’ve made mistakes, taken wrong turns
done some stupid things, really, but we are still here to tell
So to what do we give our thanks?
Our lucky stars?
Our guardian angels?
I believe the song when it says,
“grace has brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead us home…”
We can thank God and God’s immeasurable grace
that we are still here, still alive,
and that our hearts are still capable of loving and giving
that there is still laughter in us and joy
The same God who got those crazy Israelites through the desert
the same God who set a bush on fire
to get Moses going
the same God who saved the skins of those bumbling descendents
of Abraham and Sarah
who couldn’t seem to get their lives together
but managed to survive and thrive
only by the grace of God
That same God gives us the power to go on
to love again even after our hearts are broken
to live still, even after our soulmate has died
to make stories of our lives
even when we don’t think we’re all that special
‘Remember,’ God says again and again
and made sure that we remembered
by getting a lot of folks to keep telling the stories
until they were actually written down
Remember the survivors who have gone on
whose stories make us laugh, cry,
and even be inspired at moments
For life is a gift
a precious, holy gift,
in all its absurdities
Frederick Buechner wrote, “To remember the past is to see
that we are here today only by grace
that we have survived as a gift…”
This weekend we remember on purpose again
But with our remembering, let us also wait
wait for the promise yet to be fulfilled
wait for the future that is still a mystery
and a gift
remember and wait
remember and expect the good things of God
remember, and hope
always, always hope in God