laying on the couch
he jumps onto my middle
pushing, nesting
turning around to get settled
his tail brushes my face
making me sneeze
his butt near my nose
while deciding how to lay
thump
he drops suddenly
on my chest
deciding my breasts
make good pillows
after looking straight
into my eyes
as if to declare himself
and his presence
he licks my shirt
just over my collarbone
his rough tongue
making swishing noises on fabric
and he purrs
his breath
the same as always
assaults me
with images
a little girl
on her bed
in her refuge
a room with clouds and sky blue
sitting
alone
still in her nightgown
sunlight coming in the window
a kitten
nestles in her lap
purring, nestling, snuggling
licking a spot of fabric
a moment
in memory
one cat of many
along the way
her heart aches
in the stillness
the cherished silence
and peace
other cats she remembers
high in skyscraper-tall trees
howling, moaning
trapped for days
nothing she could do
helpless
the howl that night
that pierced the darkness
outside her window
"it's nothing," her mama said
the next day
her cat, dead
the custodian next door
wanted to toss the body
cats
black and white
gray
and carmel-colored
caught in the crossfire
of teenage rage
picked up and
punted across the room
boys longing for freedom
to be, just be
to run, to defy, to shake their fists
to break these chains
cats absorbing the violence
growing wild
fighting outside
coming back with terrible wounds
little girl lonely
music filling her bedroom
carrying her to a neverland
of peace and safety
cat nuzzling, licking
hiding in the safety
outside the child's womb
a moment
my daughter says
the cat's breath stinks
but nestled against my neck
I smell him
soft, groomed, purring
safe from the outside
safe from horrors unspoken
safe to live a long life
a reminder now
that I am safe
I am loved
and no longer
alone
