Sending Forth

I remember your feet
you asked me to uncover them
because they were hot--
the night you left
I touched your feet
your legs
as if somehow
I could hold you here
I remember your hand
so soft
so firmly grasping mine
till both were sweaty
I tried to memorize
the feeling of your hand
in mine
knowing I would need it later
I remember your eyes
green,
or hazel, maybe
but always shining
whether with tears
or a smile --
then that night
when I gently closed your eyelids
with my right hand
in my first attempt of many
to let you go.

5/22

grief sucks
it's like a boulder
in your stomach
or a slow bleeding
leak
and you can't find the source
to plug it up
because you can't
the hole will always be there
you just learn to live
with a gaping hole in you
you have to breathe differently
walk differently
sometimes you forget
where you are
or what you were doing
or even what you were thinking
it's like
learning to breathe
underwater.
3/7

you're here
I can feel you
strange
the joy snuck up
and hugged me
I wish you could talk
to me
I dreamt I touched you
to memorize you
before you disappeared again
bittersweet
passionate joy
bittered by your absence
and yet full
of your presence
is this a taste of love
in the New World?
are you sneaking me
a piece
of heaven?
2/21