"BEAUTIFUL, UGLY, AND LOVED"
Text: Psalm 139
Faith United
January 18, 2009
If you're a parent, you know that as your children grow
it becomes harder and harder
to get them to do what you tell them to do
Pretty much as soon as they can get up on their feet
and move
they are out of our control
In the earlier years we do have some methods
to set boundaries
and to establish ground rules
although that whole "Time out" thing never worked on Sarah
Once they are teenagers, of course
they keep pushing the boundaries
and have very selective hearing
when it comes to our voices
But anyway,
we've established some methods over the years
some work, some don't
some Sarah has just plain laughed at
But in recent years,
when I want Sarah to do something
or I just want her to do me a favor
and she responds like I’m asking way too much of her,
I've started to say to her, "Hey, I gave you BIRTH!"
You wouldn't even be here without me!"
and, of course I am quick to remind her
that my doctor didn't believe in epidurals
so I truly did suffer
in order to bring her into the world,
SO, the very least she can do
is go make me a cup of tea
or clean the litter box
Desperate times call for desperate measures, after all….
I love the Psalms
I think it's safe to say that they are my favorite
books of the Bible
But I'm a poet
and there is so much poetry in them
not light, fluffy stuff, either
real, blood and guts, down to earth stuff
They're real
They are prayers, essentially
prayers written directly to God
It's almost embarrassing
it's like we're listening in on someone else's
most intimate words
words straight from the gut
words that reveal beauty and ugliness
all the same passages
There's nothing to hide here
What you see is what you get
The psalmists' truest most honest feelings
right her for all the world to read
but the good news is,
the one who wrote these words
that made it into the Big Book
is just like you and me
Beautiful, Ugly and deeply loved
The first thing I think of when reading these words of Psalm 139
is Santa Claus
He knows when you are sleeping
he knows when you're awake
he knows when you've been bad or good
so be good for goodness' sake…
"O Lord, you have searched me and known me
You know when I sit down and when I rise up,
You discern my thoughts form far away
you search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways
Even before a word is on my tongue,
O Lord, you know it completely…"
I confess I never believed that Santa Clause knew me that well
I knew I had to be good,
but I don't remember ever believing that he was
watching me
Kind of creepy, if you think about it
and no wonder kids are screaming and crying
and absolutely terrified to sit on Santa's knee
I would be too!
But the difference is, the psalmist
believes it to be GOOD news
that God knows him intimately and deeply
it's comforting, it's reassuring
and it's not told to us
so that we'll be good
and therefore get lots of presents
But with God, there are no secrets
that's what the psalmist says
you can't hide anything from God
You can lie to yourself,
you can deny the truth
you can keep secrets from everyone else
but you can't keep secrets from God
Can we stand it?
There are no secrets
How weird is that
when we live in a world so full of secrets?
We watch the news
and we wonder how much of what they tell us is true
and how much of it is simply what they want us to believe?
Secrets are acceptable in our world
we expect them
our trust is limited
we have come to expect to be lied to
And yet we're told, we can't have any secrets from God
In this world, we put our best face forward
we keep our weaknesses hidden if possible
we play roles at work, in church, in social gatherings
we show people what we want them to see
and all too often we hide our truest selves
because we may believe that they may not like us
if they knew the real us
Shoot, that starts in Middle School!
We're told what is cool and what is really not cool
and so we try to conform to that image
I know I spent so many years always trying to figure out
what other people wanted me to be
and I would try to be that
but when there are so many different people
with so many different expectations,
it gets not only impossible, but exhausting
You can't be what everyone else wants you to be
and it's futile anyway, finally
God knows who you really are
Adulthood is not so different than high school
We still put people in categories
and there are certain categories
that are more acceptable than others
But if we're all honest, I'd say most of us
have those times that are just plain certain
that we don't fit
It could have been our parents, our teachers
our classmates, our so-called friends
but somewhere along the way
for many of us,
someone told us we're not enough
We're just not smart enough,
beautiful enough, athletic enough
talented enough, outgoing enough
and after awhile, many of came to assume
that we ourselves are just not… enough
We don't look like the people on TV
we don't have houses that look like
they're out of Better Homes and Gardens
we may not know how to wheel and deal
to make lots of money
to sell ourselves or an image
we may not be skinny
or have beautiful hair
we may not believe everything that everyone else
seems to believe
we may have doubts and questions
that we think might horrify someone else
We just don't feel we're enough
There may not be a place or person
where we can feel like we can totally let down
our guards
and be completely ourselves
Or we may not even know what it means to be ourselves
because we've been so busy trying to be
something that we are not
But this Psalm,
believed to be written by David
expresses that enviable faith
that he, and each of us, is in fact ENOUGH
David believes
that God made each of us
and that God is never finished making us
until we take our final breath
we are, according to David, works in progress
We are daily being fashioned by God's hands
We're not mass-produced
we are custom made, each of us
with our own design
If nothing else, remember that there are no two fingerprints
alike in all the world
each of us has our own design
unique to us
that identifies US and no one else
This is tough to grasp in a world
that treats each human life with so little dignity
We hear of hundreds of people dying in the Gaza Strip
the thousands that have died in the streets of Iraq
we hear about how many died in this plane crash
or that earthquake
and they are just numbers
Numbers too big for us to comprehend
Would it make a difference?
Would we be any more horrified by war
if we realized that each and every person that died
with white skin or dark
with American citizenship or Iraqi birth
that each and every one of those people
was especially designed and created
by God?
That God knows each and every person
every one of those thousands had a name
came from a family
had a history
had funny and tragic stories to tell?
Each of them had someone who would miss them
when they were gone?
Would that change our attitude and flippancy
about the numbers of people who die daily
at the hands of a war that doesn't seem to end?
We aren't even allowed to see the coffins of our own soldiers
as if by not seeing,
it didn't happen, and it is not tragic
and yet for every one of those coffins that we don't see
there is a family torn apart
a family whose lives will be changed
by that one person's death
We are all important
We are all enough, according to David
In this world we are defined by the jobs that we do
the families that we come from
the education or lack of that we had
the mistakes that we made
the broken and failed relationships
that we are a part of
But according to the Bible
that is a lie
We are not defined by our jobs
by how much we achieve or don't achieve
by whether we can play basketball or football
or run track well
or if we're a book nerd
or a social misfit
We are all defined by the same thing
we are all children of God
created and still being created at the hands of God
We are all works in progress
we all started the same, and we will all end the same
Each of us are in the midst of our own stories
of which no two are exactly the same
We are intimately and lovingly created
We are all fearfully and wonderfully made!
God knows everything about us
our triumphs and our failures
and God is still deliriously in love with us
as any good parent is with their children
The psalmist doesn't mince words
that's what I like about the psalms
they don't pretend to be better than they are
In the midst of this beautiful prayer
this heartfelt trust and reassurance of God's enduring love
David blurts out,
"O that you would kill the wicked, God!
and that the bloodthirsty would depart from me--
those who speak of you maliciously,
and lift themselves up against you for evil!
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with a perfect hatred…"
Hello! Not David's best moment …
Pretty arrogant
Downright mean and ugly..
Ah, dear God, I am so good, aren't I?
I hate your enemies with a perfect hatred
I am so righteous, that I am on your side
and am indignant at those who are not!
You and me, God, we're tight
and we'll get those awful sinners
and you will wipe out those wicked idiots forever…
Ok, a little reality check..
David is not perfect
David, eloquent as he was,
was still a work in progress….
He still harbored hate and sin
he still had that arrogance in him
to believe that he was better than someone else
In other words,
David was just like you and me..
We can be beautiful one moment
and turn around and be so ugly in the next
it's in us all
both
beautiful and ugly
We have the divine image of God in us
and yet our feet are planted in the mud
and so we wrestle all our lives
with the conflict inside of us
between who we truly are,
who we are created to be
and who we are because of living in this sinsick world
Most of the psalms are like that
revealing great awe and wonder and pure poetry
and a sense of the divine in all of us
and then veering into our human natures
where there is still hate and meanness
and selfishness and disregard for others
but the hope is in the end
Right after that disturbing tirade
David says to God,
"Search me, O God, and know my heart,
test me and know my thoughts.
See if there is any wicked way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting…"
He leaves the door open
He reveals his ugly side to God
but it's as if he knows that he has that potential in him
as if he knows he can be better
Search me, God, know my heart
know my thoughts, all of them
cleanse me of any wickedness
any evil
and lead me forward, to a better way
keep creating me, God
clean away all the ugliness in me
and let me see more like you see…
yeah, those hope for David
because as arrogant as he can be
as ugly as he can get when he's really honest
he knows that about himself
he knows that he's still on the way
he knows that he is still being formed and created by God
The God who loves him
who believes in him, who sees him as he can and will be
And is still forming him toward that image
And, we're assured, there is no place that God is not
The most frightening places we can imagine
are filled with the presence of God
There is no place that we can be
where God is not
and so we always have that ability to turn our faces
back toward God
Even when we're furious or confused or hateful or arrogant
even when we believe that God let us down
even when we believe that we have let God down
and he could never look at the same way again
God is there
Loving us, calling us, inviting us
We are all works of art
continually being formed and shaped and renewed
in the loving, intimate hands of God
God knows who we are, even if we don't
Even if we've played our parts for so long
we don't know which part is real and true
God knows
No matter what anyone else says,
and no matter what we've ever been through,
no matter how horrible the experience
no matter how seemingly unforgivable our mistakes
in every moment of our lives
we are precious in God's sight
God knows each of us, intimately, thoroughly
precisely because he created us and is still creating us
Nothing, no one, absolutely nothing
is beyond the grace and power of God
Always keep the door open
always keep your hearts and souls open
every single day of our lives are lived in the presence of God
and so with David,
we too, can start again anytime
and say, Search me, O God
search me and know my heart
test me and know my thoughts
and see if there is any wicked way in me
and then, God, lead me
lead me into the way that is everlasting
forever and ever
Never out of sight,
and never out of God's mind
You are enough
because you belong to God … forever
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