What I celebrate most this Mother's Day is the gift of BEING a mother. Nothing in my lifetime experience has impacted my sense of God more than becoming a mother. I knew when I became pregnant-- I could feel it within me that something was different, even before the test... that something new had come to life within me. It was a difficult year, as I was in my first year of ministry and the folks there were pretty hostile. But that sense of life growing within me continued to give me hope, and a reason to keep trying.
I'll never forget the first time I felt movement in my womb. I was sitting in the recliner in the living room when I felt Sarah move inside me. Weird! Wonderful! I remember seeing a foot move across the inside of my skin. I was participating in creation, the creation of a life was going on inside me and that never ceased to create awe in me.
We were in the midst of moving when I went into labor, two weeks ahead of my due date. We were in Grand Island to take my parents out to dinner at Dresbech's-- 90 minutes away from home. Just as the salads came to the table my water broke! What a funky sensation! My mom ushered me off to the bathroom while Larry negotiated to pay for our uneaten salads with the waitress, who upon hearing that my water broke, proceeded to drop the tray of rolls that she was carrying and started to push him out the door! He let her know that I was still in the bathroom and he wasn't quite ready to leave yet! We never did have to pay, by the way.
It was a long night of labor at the Brodstone Memorial hospital back in Superior, NE. Larry stood up most of the night, massaging my lower back as I tried to remember how to breate. My doctor didn't believe in epidurals (what is there not to believe?)-- so all I had was a little medication to relax me. Ha! Right.... Sarah was born at 9:43 a.m. the next morning, and they put her, all gray and slimy, on my belly, tensed up with crying and rage (it's cold out here!), and I was amazed that that beautiful thing had been living inside of me. Wow.
Three days later we moved to Tilden, NE, which helped my status in the eyes of all the women in the churches. They thought I was Wonder Woman! I didn't feel like Wonder Woman. But having a newborn baby is a good way to get people to accept you, let me tell you!
Sarah was always my main focus. She has been a source of inspiration to me, a reminder of hope and joy and unconditional love. When days were bad, she'd grab me by the hand and say, "Dance, Mommy!" Then there were late nights with the croup, singing to her, soothing her. Even nursing was a spiritual experience: offering my body to her for nourishment, a kind of communion if you think about it. All of it was embraced with a sense of God's love, surrounding, sheltering, empowering, even in the midst of many storms. I got to immerse myself in the worlds of Pooh, Toy Story, Lion King, Gullah Gullah Island, Little Bear, etc. and to slow down. I got to remember simplicity. Simple, cuddling love. It gave me strength to deal with everything else.
I remember watching her learn to play soccer, and every time she actually kicked the ball or did something she hadn't done before, I was filled with such pride, gratitude and love. I remember thinking that this must be how God feels when God sees us grow, learn, overcome. Just those moments of DELIGHTING in my child, her simple goodness and beauty, gave me a sense of how God must often feel... even about me.
Sarah is almost 16. People warned me about this. Of course they warned me about 12, 13, and the teenage years in general. So far, none of their warnings have been accurate. Sarah and I are really close. We still dance in the kitchen, boogie in the car to Elvis, go to town for a movie or a Diet Dr. Pepper and enjoy simple times together. We cuddle at night to read together before bed, and Larry gives us that time, because he knows it is our sacrament. They have their own Father-Daughter sacraments, too. But Sarah is the reason I kept on trying when things got to be pretty bad at times, and she still reminds me of the simple blessings of life each and every day. She gives me laughter, music, dancing, silliness, and more love than I could ever imagine coming my way.
Today I give thanks for the gift of being a Mother, and for the one who lets me be that to her, even now.... I love you, girl!
No comments:
Post a Comment