You Don't Have to Yell

“BUILDING PEACE”
Matthew 18:15-20
Faith United
September 7, 2008

My favorite Christian singer is a guy named Chris Rice
and he has a song called “You Don’t Have to Yell”
In it he sings about reality TV, news commentators
and people in general
He points out how we look at TV
and the more that people fight, the more it sells
We love a good fight, for some reason
Or at least somebody does, because it’s selling
News commentators just can’t give us the news
they get into groups and argue
they yell, they insult each other
try to make the other look stupid
There’s never any resolution
just a lot of tension

I’m old enough to remember when daytime talk shows
were just that, talk shows
where Merv Griffin or Phil Donahue
interviewed someone, had a conversation
went out into the audience and let them ask questions
But now, talk shows have become freak shows and circus acts
Some turn into all-out brawls on TV
a woman finds out on national TV that her husband
is cheating on her with her best friend
Humiliation sells
Don’t you think that’s a bit sick?

We love a good fight
And now, we come to expect all the same daytime tv drama
in the most important election of our country
every four years
Who can insult the other one the most?
Who can get the most dirt out there on their opponent?
And these people want to lead our country ….

Apparently somebody thinks that Americans
love to see their candidates rip each other apart
Create an Us and Them mentality
Us Good Them Evil
So that your vote becomes a judgment against you as a person
If I was living in another country
and had never been to the United States
or come face to face with any American citizens
And if all I knew about Americans
was what I saw of them on T.V.
I would never want to set foot in this country
We look really bad
But humiliating each other produces a lot of cash, apparently
Hating and threatening and insulting is big business
And I think it always has been
it’s just that we see it all, hear it all now
whether we want to or not

And it creeps into the church
in fact, when I talk to people out there
I realize that people out there assume that
that’s what church people do the most
fight, judge, condemn
Why would anyone want to come to church
for just more of the same
or for more of the same authorized by God??
I’ve been in a lot of churches in my lifetime
and I’ve seen the same thing everywhere
Someone comes to the pastor and says
“a lot of people are angry about this,
and they say if you don’t do something,
they’re gonna leave…”
But the people that are angry never speak for themselves
When you ask for names,
they say, “well, they don’t want their names shared…”
And that accomplishes nothing but unnecessary stress
Or someone will say in a group
“I don’t like this, or I don’t like that,
or that person shouldn’t even be here…”
and they spread their sentiments like a cancer
but they never try to resolve the problem
I know, confronting people is hard
it’s much easier to just yell and insult and humiliate
then WE are in control
But to go someone and say, “ what you said really hurt…”
yikes, that’s putting yourself out there
or “I realize that we disagree on this, but can be friends nonetheless?”
That’s scary stuff
that’s putting your heart out on your sleeve
someone could really really hurt you if you do that
So instead we talk about people behind their backs
we write nasty letters or emails
from a distance
or we just take our toys and go home in a huff
take our membership somewhere else
and stay mad for decades

On T.V. they make it look easy
Someone is a bad father or a bad mother
and the child comes and talks to them
they might fight
they might cry
but within 60 minutes,
they end up hugging and loving each other
with tears
It’s beautiful
but it doesn’t happen in real life
Not in 60 minutes, anyway
We’re just not that good
We can hold onto a resentment for the rest of our lives
we can chew on it, reshape the story with details over the years
and really stir up some vicious anger
but we feel like we’re in control
as long as we stay mad

I don’t know what Jesus was talking about
when he said to his disciples,
Ïf another member of the church sins against you,
go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone.”
Well, there WAS no church yet.
Church was not a word that meant anything to them
It wasn’t a part of their regular vocabulary
It’s assumed by commentators
that whatever word Jesus used back then
was later translated into “church”
because by the time this Gospel was written
the Early Church was forming
But I looked up the word “church” in the dictionary
and the very first definition
says, “The company of all Christians regarded
as a mystical spiritual body.”
I like that-- “the company of all Christians regarded
as a mystical spiritual body.”

I dare to say that I bet Jesus likes that, too
We think of church as a building, a denomination
a specific group in a specific place
with specific beliefs
but when Jesus looked at Peter and said
“You shall be called Peter, the Rock
and on this rock I will build my church…”
I don’t think he meant that he was going to build
an institution on the back of Peter
But with this bumbling, overzealous, talk-before-he-thought guy
named Peter,
Jesus said he was going to build the church
“the company of all Christians regarded
as a mystical spiritual body.”
Not Faith United Methodist of Gibbon
or the National Cathedral in Washington
but THE Church of Jesus Christ
all who love and follow and Jesus….

So when a member of the church
a member of the body of Christ
a member of the assembly or community
when someone sins against you
Jesus says, go to that person in private
try to work it out,
tell them what you see as the problem
In other words, don’t call someone else
and say, ‘you know what so and so did to me??’
and they call someone else and they call someone else
and every time you see that person
your jaw tightens, your breathing constricts
and you either treat them badly
or ignore them completely
But Jesus says to go to them alone at first
so that no one is humiliated
respect that person even when you’re in conflict
If that doesn’t work, take along a witness who can be neutral
and try to help mediate
if that doesn’t work, bring it before the assembly
NOT to humiliate that person, or display that person as a jerk
but the whole point is to seek reconciliation
And, Jesus says, if that doesn’t work, then regard them as a tax collector
or Gentile
and at that point we might, YEAH, Jesus!
Yeah, treat them like our worst enemy, the scumbags that they are!

But how did Jesus treat tax collectors and Gentiles?
"They will be to you as a tax collector or Gentile..."
and at first, it sounds like, good, NOW we can call them our enemy
like those unclean Gentiles and despicable tax collectors

But who wrote this Gospel??
It’s the Gospel of Matthew
Matthew was a tax collector when Jesus met him
Matthew knew how Jesus treated tax collectors and Gentiles
Jesus had compassion on them
and invited them to the party
So it would seem that Jesus is saying
if that person still won’t listen after everything you’ve tried
that still doesn’t give you permission to dismiss them
to disregard them and to put them in your collection
of despicable, hated people
They will be to you as a tax collector or Gentile
You will still have compassion on them
you won’t be best friends, but you will see them
as a child of God nonetheless
and act accordingly

Conflict stinks
I hate it
I don’t know anyone that actually likes it, truly
Just because we are willing to negotiate
just because we might swallow our pride
and confront someone graciously about a conflict
doesn’t mean they’re going to receive us graciously
we could get hurt badly
we could get humiliated publicly
and even if we resolve the problem
it’s not like TV, we don’t necessarily end up as friends
but you know, if we at least end up regarding each other with respect
then that’s a big step in the right direction
Jesus never said you have to hug and cry
and be best friends from then on….
Just don’t kill each other or humiliate each other
or badmouth each other
try to work it out
and then go in peace

When I was an associate pastor
I had a senior pastor from hell
He was verbally abusive to me in private
He was inappropriate in his conversations with me
he was a bully, he was controlling and demanding
but out in public, he was charming and charismatic
and most of the congregation didn’t know
what he was like in private
he sold himself well
and won people over
I tried to get the DS to come in and help
to mediate between us, to help us work peacefully together
But the DS, it turns out, was really good friends with this pastor
and so the whole process became humiliating for me
made it look like I was the whole problem
so the message was, “shut up or get out.”

I finally got out
and for awhile I really let the anger and hurt fester
finally, I wrote this pastor a letter
when I was living back East
I told him that we both know that we disagreed on a lot of things
that we really didn’t work together well at all
that I said things about him
that weren’t very nice
as he did about me
but in the letter, I called a truce
I needed to let it go,
so I told him I was letting it go
that the truth was we’d never be close friends
but we could respect each other
and let the past be the past
Well, I never got any word back from him
but when I came back to Nebraska,
of course I bumped into him at Conference
and all he said was, “thank you for your letter.”
That was it,
no tearful hug or overwhelming reconciliation
we don’t keep in touch, nor do I want to
but we let it go
more importantly, I let it go
for my own health
We see each other, and I still don’t like him
but I don’t have to tear him down
or try to get others to see my side
It’s done, it’s over
I don’t always do that, I’m not that good
but I know that Jesus recommended reconciliation for the sake of the Church
The Whole Church
the whole company of all Christians regarded
as a mystical spiritual body
What we do, how we act, how we relate to one another and the world
does have impact
Jesus said, “Whatever you bind on earth
will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth
will be loosed in heaven…”
In other words, it’s not just about you and me
how we relate as representatives of Christ
has an impact
The Church as an institution has a reputation
in the rest of the world
of being a place where people fight and condemn
So whenever we are different
we make a difference
If we build a place of peace
a place where peaceful people dwell
then we will go out and carry that peace
into the rest of the world
We already see how hate and anger and rage
and resentments spread like the worst cancer
and kill spirits, kill hearts and souls
and separate them from God
Why would we want to be a part of that??

Jesus said, “Where two or three are gathered in my name,
I am there among them…”
Hello, that’s powerful stuff
Jesus can make his presence known with just two people
communicating, relating, loving, reconciling
Jesus never meant for our faith to be just a me ‘n Jesus thing
It was always all about the church
about building the church –
the whole company of all Christians regarded
as a mystical spiritual body
The Church of Jesus Christ
We can shine the light of Christ ourselves, sure
but it’s so much brighter when two or three get together
and add their light to each others’
Relationships are powerful
they can shatter us completely,
or they can build us up and make us better,
even more holy, more loving, more gracious
We learn about Jesus by relating to each other
in community, in friendship, in all kinds of relationships
some are deeper than others, of course
but wherever two or three are gathered
in the name of Jesus,
Jesus is there!
That’s pretty cool
Pretty powerful stuff
Someone once told me, that we can always choose to not
enter a fight that we’ve been invited to
we can say no whenever we are invited to a fight
that we see has no good outcome
Fights that only serve to separate, humiliate, foster hatred
and violence of emotion and action
We can say no, we’re not going to go there
We can allow the living Christ to train us, shape us, mold us
so that we see others with Jesus eyes
even if we don’t like them,
we can live in peace and let them live in peace
It’s basic kindergarten ethics,
which we tend to forget by first grade ….
We can stop violence in our own corner
we can lovingly walk away when someone is trying to pick a fight
or tear someone else down
We can, with little steps, and little actions every day
begin to build a piece of the Kingdom of God here and now
to represent the Church
that great company of all Christians regarded
as a mystical spiritual body
connected always to the living and the dead
because we are finally people of eternity
people of the Christ,
and heaven is watching…..