memorial

school was out  summer was starting my first year of college and i

couldn't wait to get back to you see you see for myself that you were ok

it was may

but when i finally saw you you weren't ok you looked away into the distance

over my shoulder as if you saw another world a place where you were headed and

none of us knew about it yet

you haunted the rooms of your own house that weekend as if floating as if not seeing

us as if not fully occupying your body almost as if you'd already started shedding it but i

didn't understand  i tried to hold your hand and it was limp  i tried to make you laugh and you

just stared always looking somewhere else as if you were waiting for a train or a visitor

an appointment known only to you 

we went to see indiana jones and the temple of doom to get our minds off of death and i

wondered whose idea was this?  as the woman in need of salvation dangled into the fiery pit

while indiana tried to save her up down up down saved doomed saved doomed i wondered who

was teasing me and i begged them silently to stop i was sure you were seeing all the references to

death and being as tortured as i was but when we came out you were giggling like a little girl

for the first time all weekend a light in your eyes from the adventure the good guy won again

saved the girl saved the day and the story had a happy ending

the weekend ended it was time to come home we made flimsy plans to bring you to our house

to stay to visit later in the summer and your eyes didn't betray you didn't tell us the truth of

what you knew  but you hugged me and for a few moments you were present fully in your body

again and you told me you loved me you told me to believe in myself you told me to never forget

how much you loved me and you held my face before you drifted off again into a place i couldn't see

couldn't touch and couldn't follow you

it was the last time i saw you it was may endings and beginnings graduations and reunions

spring ending summer beginning freedom for some vacation time margaritas by the pool time to

exhale it was may memorial weekend the last time i saw you on the first day of june you left and

went to that place that you'd glimpsed just days before that none of us could see that none of us

wanted to speak about and that indiana had saved the woman from but he couldn't save you

none of us could save you 

27 years later memorial day is still not a happy time but a haunting time that reminds me of

indiana jones and that damned temple of doom