Cup of Tickets

(From the Sunday Scribblings writing prompt:  Ticket)

 

"She's got a ticket to ride..."  The Beatles

 

in a coffee cup

on my dresser

i finger through

the small scrapbook of my life

 

tickets saved

through the years

that tell a story

of sorts

 

The Places That Shape Me

 

Events That Gave Me Joy

 

there's a bus ticket

from New Jersey

to New York

my first long bus ride

 

alone

 

16

travelling alone

to see you

you who received me

 

with open arms

 

we went to the Fair

and rode the Viking Ship

you laughed at my horrified face

from the ground below

 

on our way out

we linked arms

as if a family

and sang a silly song

 

the ink on the bus ticket

is faded

but I can still see

the destination

 

those moments

imprinted forever

on my heart

and soul

 

there's the ticket

to Dan Fogelberg's concert

my brother and his girlfriend

treated me that night

 

my brother not too crazy

about the acoustic

whispery-voiced music

but he went for me

 

or the Kenny Rogers concert

he took me to

when I was 12

and I embarrassed him

 

by running down to the stage

and asking Kenny 

for a kiss

it was my birthday

 

I didn't get a kiss

but I never forgot

that night

just him and me and Kenny

 

and there's Springsteen

and Garth Brooks

and Mary-Chapin

when I was older

 

Sesame Street Live

when my little girl

swooned when Big Bird

came out onstage

 

tickets to Graceland

and the Tupelo Tour

images of my girl

kneeling at the King's grave

 

in the rain

 

Broadway shows

The Color Purple

The Lion King

or Les Miserables

 

getting lost in music

stories of hope

of overcoming

of being able to fly above it all

 

a cup full of tickets

that tell a story

My story

a story of a life

 

filled with music

wonder

adventures

and joy without boundaries

 

little pieces of paper

that draw a map

of where I've been

and where I hope to go

 

I keep it on my dresser

by my mirror

to remember

 

and give thanks

for the journey.

Night Visitor

(From the Sunday Scribblings' writing prompt:  comfort)

 

 

she arrived again

so quietly

without fanfare

or drama

 

right there in my dreams

 

she came to visit

as if it was not extraordinary

as if I don't live in time

and she in eternity

 

as if it hasn't been

nearly 3 decades

since my heart was shattered

at her departure

 

suddenly

quietly

she's there

smiling

 

where have you been?

I ask again

she evades the question

just smiles

 

we are encircled

in peace

intimacy

comfort

 

no pretenses

no roles to play

no fears of loss

or being misunderstood

 

safety

a moment stolen

out of time

emptiness becomes fullness

 

I see every detail

as if illuminated

every laugh line

around her eyes

 

every color

her eyes

her hair

her face

 

vivid

alive

illuminated

with joy

 

she smiles

and it expresses

what a thousand words

cannot

 

there is no age

no defect of body

no difference in years

no distance in time

 

she comes

when I am in need

when I am a little lost

when I am weary in spirit

 

to envelop me

in Presence

remind me of Love

that knows no boundaries

 

of time or space

life or death

body or spirit

young or old

 

and I wake

live through the day

aware suddenly of the Now

the Spirit beyond all things visible

 

I walk

embraced

by eternity

healed

 

by

 

Love.



healing

laying on the couch
he jumps onto my middle
pushing, nesting
turning around to get settled

his tail brushes my face
making me sneeze
his butt near my nose
while deciding how to lay

thump
he drops suddenly
on my chest
deciding my breasts
make good pillows

after looking straight
into my eyes
as if to declare himself
and his presence

he licks my shirt
just over my collarbone
his rough tongue
making swishing noises on fabric

and he purrs

his breath
the same as always
assaults me
with images

a little girl
on her bed
in her refuge
a room with clouds and sky blue

sitting
alone
still in her nightgown
sunlight coming in the window

a kitten
nestles in her lap
purring, nestling, snuggling
licking a spot of fabric

a moment
in memory
one cat of many
along the way

her heart aches
in the stillness
the cherished silence
and peace

other cats she remembers
high in skyscraper-tall trees
howling, moaning
trapped for days
nothing she could do

helpless

the howl that night
that pierced the darkness
outside her window
"it's nothing," her mama said

the next day
her cat, dead
the custodian next door
wanted to toss the body

cats
black and white
gray
and carmel-colored

caught in the crossfire
of teenage rage
picked up and
punted across the room

boys longing for freedom
to be, just be
to run, to defy, to shake their fists
to break these chains

cats absorbing the violence
growing wild
fighting outside
coming back with terrible wounds

little girl lonely
music filling her bedroom
carrying her to a neverland
of peace and safety

cat nuzzling, licking
hiding in the safety
outside the child's womb
a moment

my daughter says
the cat's breath stinks
but nestled against my neck
I smell him

soft, groomed, purring
safe from the outside
safe from horrors unspoken
safe to live a long life

a reminder now
that I am safe
I am loved
and no longer

alone

Woman

I am a Woman

I bear the weight of history
in my bones
the Curse of Eden

As a child
I sat in church
in white leotards
and black patent-leather shoes
and learned of my biblical choices

to be a saint, pure and faultless
virginal
or to be a whore, the Jezebel
Delilah who brings good men down
a Daughter of Eve

I was forever to blame
for all that was wrong
with the world

if I had sex
the boy became a man
and I became a slut
if I had sex without consent
I was doubted, my scruples shredded
I must have "wanted it"
or my skirt was too short,
my blouse too low
my dancing too provocative

I learned I needed a man
to make all the important decisions
as I was not trustworthy
too emotional, hormonal
irrational
needing control

my breasts were the brunt
of jokes
told at the water cooler
or over a beer
used to sell hot wings and lust

I was reduced to a body
from which to take pleasure
take
take
take

I feel the shame
in my blood
declared unclean
in all my woman-ness

shame of centuries
bearing the brunt of violence
blame for a man's impotence
horror at the thought that Jesus
would be physically associated
with the filthiness

of a woman
a wife

my sisters compete against me
shame me
divide us into good and bad
instead of banding together
so many clinging tenaciously
to the Lie
that We Have It Good

if I assert myself
show initiative
use my brain and my power
I am a Bitch or a Man-Eater

I am praised for acting Lady-like
deferring to men less competant
eating my rage
smiling against the bile
in the back of my throat

preachers shake their bibles
at me
demanding that I be satisfied
with living in man's shadow
accepting his god-given privilege
superiority

I Am A Woman
I have moved mountains
won battles that should have killed me
given birth to Beauty
wept tears that watered gardens
brought Color, Depth and
Astonishing Vistas

I have comforted, given hope
built homes and healed wounds
taught, shaped, and empowered
daughters and sons
confidant of their foundation

I have seen the Face of God
in deepest sorrow
in highest Overcoming

I have blessed and given
holy bread
had my hand torn open
by righteous dmanation
at the altar
accused of apostasy
and witchcraft
as I blessed the children
prayed for the dying

but

I am a Woman
a Daughter of Eve
The Mother of All Living
Keeper of the Garden
Seeker of Knowledge
Fighter
Nurturer
Overcomer

Daughter of God
Incarnation of Life
Mirror of Divinity

Beater of Odds

I am a Woman
a Survivor
Life Giver

I am a Woman
God's Creation
and

I am

Good.

real life

Do you ever have the experience of dreaming about someone you care about...and in the dream you share a really personal moment;  honest sharing, intense emotion, or a hug?  and then you see that person the next day and you are a little self-conscious because that moment that connected you felt so real?  Maybe you even wonder if they dreamed it too...

 

 

I saw her today

and blushed without warning

I needn't feel embarrassed

I dreamt of her last night

and in the dream

she wept

sobbed

and fell into my arms

with limitless trust

her body trembling

with sorrow

 

I woke up feeling

raw

vulnerable

in that dream-moment

we were soul-to-soul

connected

 

when I saw her

in real life

she was composed

as usual

boundaries intact

our usual polite distance

 

yet without thinking

I reached out

and hugged her

 

for a moment

she let go

with a deep sigh

let herself be

embraced

 

for a moment

we were dreaming again

carpe diem

 

 

sometimes

just sometimes

the universe tumbles in such a way

that everything comes together

 

the sky opens

you are standing in the spotlight

disparate sentences become a paragraph

in the same story

 

sometimes there is soundless music

leading you

carrying you

toward an unknown point

 

a moment

where you stand on the edge

of a cliff

the drop clouded by fog

 

but everything in you says

go

jump

trust

 

do the absurd

go against your character

be unpredictable

a wee bit mad

 

it was a story

told by a stranger

in a church

when i thought the book had ended

 

the picture around me

narrowed

it was him and me

and his urgent tale

 

my heart raced

my breath caught

my palms sweat

and the rest of my life began

 

go

go

go

go ahead

 

ahead

move

walk

trust

 

a stranger

told a story once

and my whole life

 

changed



soul friend

from the writing prompt from OctPoWri:  Friendship

 

 

"And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."  Kahlil Gibran

 

 

on a cold November night
a blanket of heaviness
and darkness
enveloped that house

i'd watched my friend
give in to the battle
let it carry her away
into a land of peace

away from the ducks
on the lake
the cranes that would return
in March

away from her beloved
the music, the laughter
all the things she loved
in this world

it was too much
for her body to take
I held her hand
when she flew away

i lost a friend
a heart-friend
who gave my heart joy
who wasn't afraid like me

moments later
you arrived
in charge
to take care of details

but first
a stranger
you enclosed me
in your arms 

for a moment
the rest of the world
would wait
while you paused

to see me
blanket me with grace
lift the burden of the night
just a little

for a moment
the night wasn't so cold
i wasn't alone
and i didn't have to stand

on my own strength

wordlessly
you comforted
understood
blessed my sorrow

that moment
is carved into my soul
forever
impossible to fade

and every time we laugh
every time we cry
every time we toast
to  life, to silliness, to sorrow

every time we stop the world
for a moment
to embrace
acknowledge each other

in the dailyness
and busyness
of the day
every time

i find a feather on my heart
from brushing against your wings
that no one else can see
and i am blessed 

baptized again
with peace, courage
and the mysterious eternal love
of a soul friend

november will never be
so cold
and death will never be
so frightening

now
that you
are here.